Play book
Dissentigration's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Adherence to Theme | #17 | 3.739 | 3.739 |
| Overall | #24 | 3.565 | 3.565 |
| Flow & Clarity | #27 | 3.391 | 3.391 |
| Concepts & Originality | #30 | 3.565 | 3.565 |
Ranked from 23 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
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Comments
This one had a great feel too it. I'm not a fan of the cliffhanger ending though! Which you can take to mean that I was vested in the story, which is not easy to do in one page. Kudos.
thank you so much!
Some solid work here, though it very much feels like we left off on a cliffhanger. I don't think the story would have worked if you tried to condense it, so for the space allocated, it's interesting and has room to tell a much grander tale, but does feel incomplete, not by the fault of the writer but by the assignment.
I appreciate it, was definitely meant to be open ended to allow the reader to wonder what happened!
Ewwwww! (Also, nicely done!) It took me a little while to work out what was going on - I’m not as across the Grimdark lore so I was a bit confused that the Sisters were the “baddies” - that’s more on me than the writing though.
The only piece of feedback I can think of (and its very nitpicky) is that the “pacing” of the writing was pretty consistent throughout. A particular example is that the sentences were about the same length throughout the story. I wonder if the use of a few more “punchy”, shorter sentences in the second half might make the action more intense?
I appreciate the feedback! I think with my time constraint I hadn’t even noticed, but will keep in mind for the next one!
That's... certainly a creative resource.
How to make a bomb:
Now that is a creative resource!
Haha, I appreciate it! Those rebel chemists know what they’re doing!
Jaxxon was certainly driven to make an impression on the occupying Blessed Sisters! I enjoyed the tone and the ending was "nice" and bleak.
I appreciate it!
Very cool. Very Guerrilla. Hits the theme, is well written, and is bleak for the protagonist hitting the Grim Dark feelz. I dig it.
Thank you!