Congratulations on placing in the OPR Writing Jam #12!

To claim your prize email marketing@onepagerules.com with the subject "Writing Jam Winner."

Solid characterization, some nice bits of wisdom in here, and the story itself rings true. Well written and on target. 

Solid characterization, some nice bits of wisdom in here, and the story itself rings true. Well written and on target. 

Concepts & Originality 3/5

The premise is good and characterization is excellent. My only complaint is how much it feels like I'm just reading a 40k story set in the Taros campaign. Not really much of a complaint, I like 40k (and I'm a guard player at that), but it does ding the "originality" a bit.

Flow & Clarity 5/5

The story is well written and I didn't notice any errors or have any hangups on my read-through. A very pleasant read that I enjoyed quite a bit.

Adherence to Theme 5/5

I think you nailed the theme pretty well, focusing entirely on an "unusual" resource in warfare. Nicely done. On that note, I retire and take my leave.

If you want to discuss any of my feedback/ratings, feel free to @ me on the OPR discord.

Great dialogue, really reminds of the Death Korps of Krieg, I see one pic on your mood board even has a gas masked horse. Top ratings from me!

Overall: I really enjoyed reading this story. Your dialogue is excellent, as well as actions and "pacing" of human behaviour between dialogue. My main critique is the plot. This story is about one character, Protagonist, convincing another, Tell, about the merit of horses in futuristic warfare. Protagonist argues for the merits of horses. Tell provides an occasional weak rebuttal. Protagonist convinces Tell: they "win". Story ends. It's an entertaining conversation, but the lack of conflict or other character goals leaves more to be desired, especially since you had a couple hundred more words to work with. We also don't see if Protagonist is *right* when it's time to fight, though it's implied they're justified with their (ostensibly honest) history of using horses.

Concepts and Originality: 3/5
- Solid. "Antiquated means of warfare still has a place!" is a a familiar trope, but a fine one.

Flow & Clarity: 5/5
- Despite my critiques on plot/character, it is an engaging and enjoyable read. 

Adherence to Theme: 4/5
- I struggled between a 3 or a 4, mostly because we don't see the use of these creative resources, and it's just about the merits of using these resources. I rounded up because I still like the story/premise/tone.

NicelyI appreciated the "vet talk" with the newer soldier. You captured the vibe well.

Really well paced, enjoyable yarn. Can really picture the scene this was set in, just from the conversation. Well done!

This is a really fun story! And I appreciate someone being able to tell me why horses are used in futuristic battles!

This was superbly written, very intimate, and wonderful to read. I do wish the ending had gone further, maybe into mission prep with the horse or something along those lines, to drive the point home even more. Additionally, while I understand the “use what you got,” tagline was meant to state the Jam’s theme, I personally thought it didn’t explore more with ‘creative resources’.

Great story. The soldiers and setting were very immersive. Good use of small details shows how much you know and makes the immersion that much better.

Not bad. It’s a very cozy scene, and helps to justify why horses may be used in the technological battlefields of the future (and possibly of today). I kind of disagree with some of his points (I think a CLU might be able to lock onto a Horse, or a person for that matter- especially if they stay still and the range is relatively close), but I take your point that a tank would be easier to target. Damn- ok. Fine. It’s a really good story because it gets you to THINK about something, and if I’m being honest, that’s the hallmark of a good story. Does it make you pause, and think deeply on a subject, and converse with the story as a result. Well done.