Play book
Superior Grace's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Flow & Clarity | #5 | 3.952 | 3.952 |
| Concepts & Originality | #17 | 3.810 | 3.810 |
| Overall | #17 | 3.778 | 3.778 |
| Adherence to Theme | #24 | 3.571 | 3.571 |
Ranked from 21 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
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Comments
Well done!
Excellent story! Good work
Just finished reading this, and it was excellent! To the point, well written, conveying a great story with surprising depth! And yes, Blessed Sisters getting some more love is definitely a welcom thing, but honestly, with the quality of writing on display here, the faction is secondary to the quality.
I have literally no notes to give. Way to go!
Keep writing!
That's so kind of you! I do a lot of technical (legal) writing at work, and am very much a beginner with creative writing. It was fun to stretch some creative muscles here, and I will absolutely keep writing!
That’s good to hear, I think you have a lot to offer and this is just a beginning!
I don't see that many stories about Sisters, so it's a welcome addition. Nice entry.
I like this one a lot! I think a chaos/havoc/pandemonium version of the OPR Sisters would be very interesting to see fleshed out or even kitbashed.
5/5 for Concepts & Originality
I really enjoyed this! It is well written and I found it quite interesting. I also love the word play with the title, very clever.
4/5 for Flow & Clarity
Overall, I think the story structure works and the prose flows well. There were no grammatical errors that caught my eye while reading. I think the scene break before Grace disassembles the device interrupts the flow of the narrative slightly and confused me a bit, as it wasn't clear to me she was telling the story (and not just remembering it) until it transitioned back to the framing narrative aboard the Charybdis. The later reveal that something was left out of the story is probably sufficient, without the need for an out-of-place seeming scene break.
4/5 Adherence to Theme
Creative use of an improvised weapon to solve the "problem". I just deducted one star because it felt more like an added detail than really leaning into the theme with the story.
If you want to discuss any of this feedback further, feel free to @ me on discord!
I enjoyed the overall story that was present, and some of the ideas alluded to are thought provoking! I will say that the sentence structure and pacing were not my favorite. I would love to read this peace fleshed out a bit more and taken to its full 1000 word limit!
No, I agree. It was challenging to fit a story that could have been several chapters onto a single page in terms of the pacing of it all, and I think a lack of familiarity with OPR hampered me a bit. I appreciate the feedback!
good use of theme. Having charbyis and Sylla as the ship names was really cool. Loved how you wove the title into the story. It was pretty fun when I finally figured it out. The sister said she served pandemonium is that the same as havoc?
I'm pretty new to OPR, didn't realize there was an equivalent for Chaos as Havoc, so Pandemonium was just what I used. Guess I need to buy the lore books for OPR to brush up on the actual terminology!