I have a vague memory of Phwog saying something like “I get you, Joe; no one understood my VN either T_T”, but can’t find it. Anyways, after that I went to go try to pick over Depiction of Pleasure to see what I could get from it, and… it was difficult to decipher. I put off going over it again, but as May approaches once more (and I have more time on my hands) I’ve gone over the endings again and written about what I think they mean. But first, bigger picture comments.

I played through the updated version and then the jam version. I appreciate all the sound that was added in the update. It was weird to see have the owl’s rod visuals without the accompanying sound. The sniffs are cute. I didn’t realise that there were so many sniffing sounds until I opened up the game’s code, but I didn’t notice them being different or similar sniffs as I was going through the game, so it was all very smooth.

The sounds as you click through the desert are also a nice touch. It helps show the passage of time in a sort of montage, and they still work even if you click really fast or slow.

The title screen has no sound, however. It’s a barren desert, yes, but I think it could use some wind or something just so I can tell that the program is open, the volume is on, and everything is functioning as it’s supposed to.

This story leverages phwog’s skills at visual art, and really takes advantage of the visual medium. There’s the staff graphics as it beams images into people’s heads, the prison gate closing on the owl, Cam turning into a mite, and my personal favourite joke: the huge MONTH! graphic. It appears with the “ta-da!” noise as this “I’ve got it!” from Cam, and then it’s a hard cut to the owl’s disapproving face. The jokes are well-timed, which is something of an odd thing to say in a medium where the player can click as fast or as slow as they want. It reminds me of how comic book panels are arranged.

Cam is a very fleshed-out character, and I really buy his feelings for Ptero. I’m thinking about the mite conversation and the text you get when you choose to think about him with the staff. I still feel like I’m missing things when it comes to the characters—especially the owl, who can’t talk, which is something of an obstacle to fully understanding her story—what’s going on in the plot exactly, and how the sand works, but Cam’s and Ptero’s relationship is emotionally moving.

I’m glad we get to see from Ptero’s perspective at the end because he’s a character who withholds so much from Cam.

Fooling around with the owl and going about Cam’s day-to-day worked out well enough balancing the serious parts and the jokey parts, but when the armpit wolf comes back at the end in a serious moment, I was a bit thrown off. I think it’s funny when he says “I’m cumming” and we get the little squirt sound, but it doesn’t match the tone of the rest of the scene. The armpit and sniffing sections are written with the kind of attention and passion towards niche subject matter I like to see in small productions, though.

Here’s what I’ve got interpreting the ending from the decision point:

It was quite unlike what i had been expecting and i loved it more for it. It is very creative and takes a few risks, that i think are well paid off by the end. I liked our center trio of Lord, Cam and Owl, they added a fair bit of flair to the whole situation and made it all the more important. Our lead antagonist was also an interesting addition, his motivations both understandable and reprochable. Good work

Extremely creative. There's a lot going on here, and none of it exists anywhere within the ordinary. It's a great VN, though, and all the hand-drawn stuff is gorgeous. I think the setting is really unique, as I haven't seen anything even close to resembling it. I do think the story was a bit subdued by how outlandish everything else was, though, but I did enjoy the characters and their interactions. The owl is adorable, and her language is fascinating. The lord is sexy and complex, definitely worth simping for. The chameleon is a good MC, optimistic and yet self-depreciating like none other. The wolf is depraved and fascinating. Still love that weird sword sniffing scene. In general, the story and dialogue were a bit too strange to fully understand, but because of the unique nature of the setting, I nevertheless found myself wanting to stay in it for longer than the span of the story allowed, to really sink myself into their world and learn all about it. That's a rare thing for a VN to achieve, so well done. The emotions also really shone through in the end despite how abstract it all was. I don't think I'll ever read anything like this again, so thank you for writing this.

This one was certainly a trip... I love stories with both serious and outlandish elements that feel like a fever dream, and this delivers.  Needless to say, the artwork is expressive, and I like how the owl and mc learn to converse together.  I look forward to seeing the final product as well once music is added, and the roughbedges are polished, but it's easy to see this as one of the most notable entries of the jam this year.

A VN that really appeals to those that felt Dune needed more pit sniffing. May your relic chip and shatter.

Anyway. Very entertaining and visually impressive, even if the plot is hanging by a thread, clinging for survival more than the characters are.

Breaking down by rating criteria, spoilers from this point forward.

Implementation of Theme:

I think the theme is definitely here - we have a post-apocalyptic scenario of vague origin which is causing various forms of darkness in the survivors. Besides just the general physical issues of thirst and starvation, there's addiction and a desire, and often failure to meet that desire, of control of the situation. Lights are provided by hope, both in the fire beetle and the wolf's little false prophet arc, as well as the owl, who provides a more optimistic perspective about the sand. Imagery in the second half supports the theme too, with the burning tapestry thing and the glowing wolf and exploding denizens that precede it. The theme does occasionally get lost in the colorful milieu of the narrative though, so it's best to just move onto that.

Story:

I feel like this is another one where the scenes on their own are generally very effective, but as a complete work it's a little incohesive. The interactions between Cham/Cam and the owl are fantastic - super creative and meditative and really engage with the scenario we're presented with. Interactions between Cham/Cam and Lord Batman are... less fantastic to me? Like we're getting occasional hints through the story that there's some romantic or at least elevated attachment between the two, but it never feels like it rises to the level of importance that it's given in the ending of the route that currently exists, where Cam is apparently like the most important thing to Lord Batman.

Pretty much everything involving the wolf is weirdly constructed and paced too. I get that it's part of the point - the story is a fever dream for people that are literally going crazy in a desert that is also drugs that also make you explode. But like, if we actually look at the wolf narrative, we have the wolf opposing Lord Batman based on a prophecy or mythology we don't understand, then getting exiled, finding his Unlock All Skins relic, sniffing some pits, showing up at the temple, getting yelled at, and apologizing. Like during that whole time, the wolf barely interacts with any of the other main characters, and while there's some thematic significance to his presence (false prophet, using powers for selfish indulgence to feed his fetishy addiction) narratively you could actually cut the wolf from the story entirely and not be missing anything (just have the hyena break on his own without outside interference - we see the characters beginning to crack anyway). The wolf is so separated from most of the rest of the plot that it almost feels like he's just there to keep this eligible as a "M(a)y Wolf" submission, and even there it feels like that's being stretched.

Ultimately, we know that at least some stuff was cut based on jam deadlines, but I wonder if there was more than just one ending that had to go. I noticed in the script file that there's supposed to be a title card after the wolf finds his relic, which just seems like a weird choice in the current narrative. We're already over halfway through by that scene, I think we're past a cold open at that point. 

As alluded to at the start of the section, this takes nothing away from the other scenes that really worked though. This VN probably had an equal amount of scenes that made me say "wow, damn" and ones that made me say "...the fuck?" Might be nice just to have a bit more consistency.

Presentation:

Yeah it's missing sound and there's a dead end and the main menu screen is almost comically lower quality than everything else in the game, but I'm still giving this fairly high marks for presentation. There are elements missing, but what's there is really good and inspired, and I feel like I have to give credit to the outstanding visual direction.

Creativity:

I mean. Yeah. Yeah there's plenty of creativity here. Everything involving the owl is great, Cham/Cam's descent into insanity is played great, the whole sequence of the wolf on the dune leading up to him finding the relic (especially all the notes about his fantasies being completely wrong) was hilarious and really well executed, and so on. As stated above, just wish it was a touch more focused.

The whole thing is a gorgeous mess that gets 51 ornithopters out of of 7 Shai Hulud.

Oh man, how do I even begin talking about this one?

For one, the art is absolutely incredible. I already knew to expect fantastic stuff from the art given what I've seen of the author's previous work, but it still managed to blow me away - the sprites are wonderfully dynamic and expressive (especially Wolf! I was consistently blown away by just how expressive his sprites are!), and in general it feels like this visual novel has a really solid and consistent visual style - it's a perfect blend of detail and abstraction that really helped pull me into the story.

As for the story... I'm definitely gonna have to give this a reread once the full version is out - both to see the other ending, and to try and better understand what goes on, because damn this story can get confusing at times. This isn't necessarily bad, though - there's a fantastic matter-of-factness to many of the details in the story that helps solidify a sense of place, in spite of how fantastical the VN's setting is. 

In addition that, I don't think the confusion kept me from seeing and engaging with the main themes of the work (or, what I saw as the main themes of the work) - while the specifics of what happens in the story get murky at times, the feelings of the characters are very much felt, and this story was absolutely a rollercoaster in that department. 

I'm waiting on the full version of the VN to be released before I feel like a reread is definitely going to clear some things up, but there's already so many interesting ideas explored here - in particular, the comparison of indulging in the sand with 'perversion' (in particular of the furry kind), and how it shows itself in all the characters. It's interesting that the 'My Wolf' of the game is the most perverted of the bunch, and the one who engages the most heavily with fetishistic ideas (and in musk, no less - a fetish which is particularly prevalent in furry spaces.). On the opposite end of things, you have the owl, who uses the sand (via the artistic medium of the torch) in order to present as her preferred gender, and as her only means of properly communicating with others - it really goes to show both how it can both be used for ill and for good.

Fantastic job! I can't wait for the full version to come out!

Really good, definitely among the most exciting in the jam just in terms of its big swings! There's a lot of stuff in here that could derail a less thoughtfully executed story; several magical conceits are exposited with just the right amount of vagueness, the anachronistic breaks in the voice always feel well-timed and deliberately incongruent, and the characters are all archetypical enough to not get lost in the weeds of the plot. A lot depends on the line-to-line writing being compelling enough to carry the reader through all of this, and it is.

Of course, considering what the story is about, it's entirely fair for the art to do so much of the work as well. The character designs are filled with neat details but remain sort of timeless and mysterious on the whole, the use of color is strong, and there's a lot of very good storytelling with what is communicated with images alone (or without them, in one striking instance). If we're judging the game as a jam entry here, the lack of sound does hurt a lot, since it feels like a missing link in the central tension between linguistic and non-linguistic means of communication. There are multiple sequences that would feel a lot weightier with some nice sound effects. Can't fault what's in there for anything, though, the art direction is so good.

I will say that while the breathless pacing is definitely something the game gets right, I think the jumpy structure in the climax might represent a step too far – even with all the formal excitement, it does sort of feel like the story just fizzles out, especially in terms of character stuff. It's entirely possible that the second ending will contextualize some of the final beats better, however; the VN does come off as unfinished in that sense.

In any case, having to re-read once the finished build out is no disappointment, since the story is certainly worth revisiting. Looking forward to that!

BECOME AS ☁️☀️✝️👼🧔🏽‍♂️👼✝️☀️☁️

This is probably up there as one of the most incomprehensible great works of fiction. The story has made me think about the themes and their meaning. It's possible that this could be one of the most profound written stories of our lifetime, and we wouldn't even know it. It strikes a delicate balance between abstract storytelling and a complicated plot that allows anyone to follow along; they just have to work towards understanding it. The main characters, while simple, are pretty compelling, and each has their own voice and arc. The prose is intricate and expressive while still being relatively straightforward. I can't exactly describe what feelings this VN gives me. If I were to try, it would be something like emptiness, but also comfort. Uneasiness, but also clarity. Dread, but also relief. I know those words just kinda mix together into one big puddle, but well, it's a lot, and I'll have to think more about it to get a good grasp on how I feel.

Other than that, this is definitely the most visually stunning entry of the whole jam. The artstyle looks crisp and expressive, the colors are vivid but perfectly showcase the VN's tone, and there's a lot of art overall which makes this VN almost a full experience. It's a shame there's no audio, but the visuals more than make up for that, and I'm looking forward to experiencing the VN with music and sfx. Definitely not a story you should miss out on.

Wonderfully inspired story with an interesting theme and especially creative presentation.

But it's rightfully rough. It definitely benefits from another pass and some more work to clarify scenes and transitions.

Art is very nice. I love the style.

I wish I was better at writing ratings, as this deserves so much better than I can speak about it. I was so fun to read, and I love how it made me actually have to pull away from the mic a few times to laugh. Lots of emotions. Lots of fun. I can't wait to read it again once it is completed! :D

A really enjoyable read.

The presentation is bit tricky to evaluate because the visuals are nearly flawless, both the quantity and quality of the visual assets are making me envious. Expressing, interesting, creative, can blend and switch from deeply astract to the real at any moment with ease, the sprite works does a lot of interesting storytelling; frankly if the story was just the mc reading a 5k word grocery list it would still be a worthy to check out for the art alone. Unfortunatly, the 31 days of May were a bit to tight for the game so the other aspects of the presentation could have use a bit more time in the oven. It happens, but the incoming next update will take care of his biggest flaw so is just a momentary seatback.

The idea of trying to uphold a dying light after a massive cataclism is a really nice execution of the theme that also touch on the "Awoooopocalypse" part of the jam theming. The story does a lot, touching numerous point, mostly about Art and Addiction tho the two of them never entwine directly. It was a bit surreal in a story generally about abstract concept and emotions seeing how literal "steel and sweat" was. Not complaining.

The story operate both on a physical an metaphorical level, fells one of those where if you ask about it to 10 people you end up with at least 11 anwsers. I fell a bit underprepared to try and critic it since I'm not really a writer and I don't really think I can add any meaninful commentary. I needed to let it simmer a bit after reading and I still think about it so I think it's good and it offers interesting ideas and character.

An outstanding expression of creativity. The artistic skill on display here is obvious, but the game certainly does not try to sail on that merit alone. Everything we see is used to support the complex thematic and philosophical explorations in ways where merely writing could not take them - nor would merely the visuals. Knowing how to combine these aspects, for a work of art this abstract, is very impressive and you did it so well. Not only that, the jam's theme is present in so many ways that any attempt at the folly of pinning down the implementation would make one combust into flames.

The few less good things:

-The default Ren'py menu gave me whiplash.

--The textbox is functional enough, but it does feel so basic it's almost out of place in this game. (To me at least. Maybe there's an intent behind it I just didn't think of.)

---I was not planning on providing my actual numerical ratings for any entry, but I'll make an exception for this game's Presentation. While the visual presentation is well worth a 5 on its own in this category, I take audio into consideration for all submissions. So, [unintentional] lack of audio cruelly makes it a 4 :(  But, I have full faith you'll deliver something exquisite on that front too, and understand its current absence :)

The best thing: One doesn't even need media literacy for this actually, because the bat is really hot <3

"Depiction of Pleasure" is a fever dream of visuals and a premise so fantastical, I am in awe at the levels of metaphor, symbolism, themes and interpretation that can be derived from the presentation of this story.  There really is so much going on here, that it's super easy to get just lost in each individual scene, at both the mystery of what is happening as well as the mystery of exactly what kind of story this is. I like to think that I can follow a narrative, but this is a challenging read, as you really have to start to approach certain scenes with an abstract lens to grasp at what's happening. I suppose that might also be part of the point of this story, since I start to wonder if there's a meta-commentary happening as a reflection of the game jam itself.

Presentation wise, this is amazing artwork, even without the audio design, the way that the owl communicates via imagery and emotion, so it's displayed with colors and pictures, it's just crazy clever. All the character designs are great, and I really enjoy the trippy nature of the background art and how at the end of the story. Ending cut scene scene like the scroll painted with words as it burns up, it's just super cool.

That being said, dang is this story all over the place. The shifting points of view mean you have to reorient yourself on the fly to keep up with what's happening in the story. There's also several layers to this plot, and some end up being more satisfying than others. At the basic literal layer of this fantasy survival story, the characters are all fairly static and the arc that the main character has is so buried under layers of interpretation, that it leaves me puzzled as to what exactly happened with chameleon and his succumbing to the sand. Also, since it is a WIP, it does make me wonder if the other ending would clarify things.

It leads me to believe that this story might be taken on a more metaphoric level, where it might representing a commentary on purity culture versus degenerate culture? The idea that the sand is a substance that causes pleasure so addicting, but also results in the death of the person who takes it. One could easily make a connection to something like recreational drugs or in the wolf's case, a type of sexual fetish.  Where indulging in it causes the user to go out in a blaze of glory, but if you abstain from it, you live in an abject world of misery and abstinence. But then you get the introduction of the owl, who uses the sand in a torch to communicate (and also present themselves as more feminine), so maybe there's an interpretation that use of the sand can be done safely through a simulated medium with the torch, since both the owl and wolf seem to overcome the dangers of using the sand with the torch? But then Cham, even though he does use the torch, doesn't seem to be able to have that same ability to overcome that part of the sand, but maybe it might be because he has a degradation and masochistic fetish and the sand hurting him just coincides with him hurting himself for pleasure. It's also interesting to contrast it with the lord, who seems to have aphantasia, and only thinks in words. Could this be representative of how some persons are just more naturally resistant to the addictive qualities of pleasure, and those are the ones that should be in leadership positions? I think I'm trying to read too much into it.

Then there's possibly a meta-interpretation with the owl being forced to create a painting within a month, which might coincide with the idea that this story is a metaphor for a game jam, with the whole, being forced to create a visual novel in a month. Could this also be a commentary on trying to create a story that isn't steeped in furry fetishes, when by the wolf's seemingly overpowering aura in the story, hints that it's inevitable? Not to mention the ability to force empathy upon another person using the sand-torch, seems to lead to a representation of using art to force empathy and others to feel a certain emotions, which is shown to be a problematic thing? I think I'm trying to read too much into it.

I think this story gets a bit too lost in it's own sauce and starts to rush towards a conclusion in the end once all the interesting premises are set up and played around with a little bit, but doesn't really know how to wrap up any of the questions it put out for itself, so it just burns it all to the ground and leaves the reader to ponder just what happened. But yeah, max points for presentation and creativity, I love all the bold character designs and the facial expressions. The story left me puzzled, which also leaves me wondering just how much it sticks to the theme of 'light in the dark', but I did enjoy the humor derived from the wolf really getting into his kink. I look forward to seeing how the finished product wraps everything up.

The Jam theme is really resonant in this work on a narrative level, even if it’s not quite as obvious visually. I enjoyed reading a second time through the lens of writing for the Jam.