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A jam submission

The Blood That FollowsView project page

Submitted by chaosklima — 23 hours, 57 minutes before the deadline
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The Blood That Follows's itch.io page

Results

CriteriaRankScore*Raw Score
Flow & Clarity#83.8003.800
Overall#243.4133.413
Concepts & Originality#263.6803.680
Adherence to Theme#352.7602.760

Ranked from 25 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.

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Comments

Host

Hello, thank you for participating in the Writing Jam! Please email fill out this form so that we can send you the participation models: https://forms.gle/obn5BW3iw2LyaPiPA 

Submitted

The atmosphere was really well done. The story felt tragic, even in a single page. Excellent consistent tone.

Submitted

Oh yeah, this was just what I was looking for.

Really enjoyed it; felt the theme could’ve been a little more pivotal to the story, but other than that, I really enjoyed it!

Submitted

I love the tone and the atmosphere, it feels very grim. The term blade-bent feels like it is pivotal to the story yet it only appears in the very beginning and very end, I would have liked a little more explanation or some sort of metaphor to give the term more weight. Otherwise I thought the world building was fantasty and made me curious for more!

Great visceral tone. It's grim, it's dark, and it feels gritty. The memorable twist is Druuk being exiled, just for being saved! What a tragic thing to have happen!! Bargotha, I assume knew the consequences of her insubordination, and poor Druuk, most likely unconscious throughout the event had zero control over his own fate and subjugation. Druuk is the juiciest character and I would like to know what becomes of him, and Bargotha. Waiting for the next chapter.

I found the story compelling with the little information you have given us. You provided us with enough characterization to make all the characters feel more realistic without going into too much detail. Definitely interested in reading more of the story.

Submitted

Big fan of the tone here: it's somber, it's visceral, it does a lot to flesh out the Havoc Warriors and, in doing so, makes them surprisingly sympathetic. I am very interested in where you'll take the story from here - it feels like we got hints of a fun character dynamic between Bargotha and Druuk that one page is too short to explore.

Submitted

You've made the Havok tribes sound a lot more normal than they were in my head canon--which they probably are. Good job. 

Submitted

Really loved your characters and general story. I feel the pace was a bit rushed toward the end but overall a really great story. Nice job!

Submitted

Good voice. I enjoyed the setting. Feel like I need to read the rest of the story.

Submitted(+1)

Really liked the writing here, was a smooth read and very economical on the word count.

I do think it could do with having a bit clearer connection to the theme, but otherwise, really strong!

Submitted(+1)

Really cool take on an more rare faction. I too wish for a bit more contextualization behind why she saved Druuk; it's unclear to me if they were romantic, family, or she simply had (rare) pity for him, and each changes the context of her banishment. I think it is interesting how brutally the sympathy was punished, although it makes you wonder if she was scapegoated because the raid failed, more than she was ostracized due to principle.

Submitted

A really fantastic building of the story and the background, but I felt the last few paragraphs were a little rushed. would have liked to know why he was saved!

Submitted

Great story. Nice pacing. Descriptive and clear. A hint on why Druuk was saved would have rounded the story off well. 

Submitted

Absolutely love your writing here. Very worthwhile descriptions to put you in the moment. Maybe I missed some deeper meanings, but the theme did seemed a little bit ham fisted. Still, this is setting the bar high for my expectations of this jam!