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Play book
Lessons in Hubris's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Adherence to Theme | #15 | 3.618 | 3.696 |
| Overall | #16 | 3.604 | 3.681 |
| Concepts & Originality | #20 | 3.831 | 3.913 |
| Flow & Clarity | #26 | 3.362 | 3.435 |
Ranked from 23 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
Comments
Loved the overall concept, you may have said the words "close enough" one too many times but I got the same feedback as well so I can relate. Nothing better than sci fi freak accidents!
With only one thousand words to work with it can feel like walking a tight rope when handling the theme. It can be all to easy to either lose it by being too subtle, or to end up beating readers over the head with it. I personally feel that making it more obvious is the better choice though. Thanks for the feedback!
Anyways.
Big fan of this story. I like the character focus, and I think you do a good job navigating the frame story and the inner story in a way that makes the divisions between them clear on the page, yet gives them both the space they need. I do think that changing the way you tell the inner story (maybe by structuring it as a story being told, or in a voice that doesn't match the frame story as closely) would strengthen the piece as a whole; the space between them is clear on the page, but the tone and content is so similar that they begin to blur together in the reading.
Well done. Story within a story. The transition felt a little abrupt, but I also couldn't tell you how I would fix it--not within 1k words. You've pushed the word limit to its extent, and not in a bad way. Thumbs up.
You nail the voice of the two sisters in this. You can just feel Fiadh dripping with sanctimonious austerity. To do so in a few lines of dialogue is absolutely killer. You're also a madman for writing a story-within-a-story in 1k words!
I liked this story an how neatly you got the theme in there. It reminded me of old White Dwarf fiction, so it gets a nostalgic thumbs up from me.
Great work. I like the idea behind it and the narrative is part of a larger world.
This was a really interesting story. I thought the idea behind it and use of the theme was great!

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