Play book
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| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Flow & Clarity | #40 | 2.667 | 2.667 |
| Adherence to Theme | #41 | 2.542 | 2.542 |
| Concepts & Originality | #41 | 3.125 | 3.125 |
| Overall | #43 | 2.778 | 2.778 |
Ranked from 24 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
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Comments
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This is an interesting set piece. It could definitely use an editing pass. That hurt the read through. The perspective was creative. Solid character voice, too. You captured that well.
This is a rough one for me.
On one hand, a story that is entirely composed of inner monologue is quite the creative undertaking, and the final bitter notes ring strong. That last sentence is a great sentence.
However, it seems lacking in connection to the theme, and it definitely needed another pass on the editing.
Still I overall quite enjoyed it. Definitely worth the read.
It has good voice
Fantastic example of a never quit attitude
A very cool story about fighting when it feels like you can't fight anymore! It felt ponderous at times, not full of action but rather a consideration of what is important. Perhaps this could have been cut down in favour of more tension in the story since after all it answers a very simple question: Will our protagonist make it? Yes, he will. Although I for one am glad he did and I hope we get to hear from the poor orphans next time!
Glad to hear it ! I don't have any plans for the orphan's story yet, but I'll keep that in mind if I think of a good story for them.
I could definitely feel the fatigue. Good job. You nailed that. Unfortunately, I was unsure at times of bad spelling or if you were trying to convey an accent. Probably needed another go over, tbh.
Yeah, it's bad spelling. I'm french and sometimes I mix up both langages in my mind. I pay more attention next time, thanks.
I agree with the other comment, the depiction of fatigue is really spot-on!
Thanks for your comment, I hope you're gonna like my next stories too.
Awesome story. I could feel the exhaustion the soldier felt. It was all very realistic. I'm not sure how the theme fits into the story but it was well done and enjoyable.
Thanks for the comment. Yeah, the correlation is a little vague. I tried to stick to the theme in two ways. Firstly, "close enough" in that he's joined his loved ones, he's closer to them. And secondly, he didn't survive but he was still the last man standing, closest you can get to a victory in that situation.