Play book
"Accept no substitutions"? (OPR Writing jam #13)'s itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Adherence to Theme | #1 | 4.208 | 4.208 |
| Concepts & Originality | #4 | 4.167 | 4.167 |
| Overall | #6 | 3.986 | 3.986 |
| Flow & Clarity | #18 | 3.583 | 3.583 |
Ranked from 24 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
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I love how this fits the theme in multiple ways.
I love how this fits the theme in multiple ways.
Two dwarves arguing the merits of non-standard parts... with a twist. Ok I get you. Well done.
I did really enjoy the irreverence and ... Silliness? Is that quite right? A really fun read!
I enjoyed this one a lot; the squabbling between Grekkag and Malach feels believable and the setup with the ritual is clever. The bits right after "How didn't we notice this sooner, Malach?" were real highlights to me. I can't help but feel let down by the ending, however. I understand what you were going for, with the surprise to both the character and the reader, and the subversion of your setup, but there was no foreshadowing - no slight movement of the vampire beneath the rubble, no previous mention of its one free hand, no slowly and ominously stepping closer, etc. - and the end result is an ending that doesn't quite feel earned.
Yeah, trying to fit foreshadowing in about the vampire just biding it's time without fully giving the game away was a nightmare in this one.
I did make sure to include the lines of it first having one arm kept close to its chest, then referring to it again as attempting to "cover it's heart with it's one free hand" as a few clues that it wasn't as helpless as it seemed, (along with its "predatory eyes" that had been staring at the dwarves the whole time) but had real trouble drawing attention to it in a way that wouldn't make the reveal too obvious.
Maybe if I did this one again I'd throw more trapdoor spider motifs into the vamp, or specify the hissing as being like the warning of a cornered beast, but that's always the way with the jams.
You don't always write the best possible version of the story, but sometimes you do write something close enough.
My favorite use of the theme. You stuck not one, but three different interpretations of close enough in this.
Kudos!
Good voice. I want to read more.
Really enjoyed this. Great to see Havoc Dwarves at the centre of a story; only thing is, I really want to know whether the ritual worked! Great double use of the theme too.
Hah, this is wonderful! Got a real kick over havoc dwarf squabbling. I really wish the ending had more punch, it's really the only weakness of this submission.
Wow. Loved this one. Fun characterization without shirking the grim nature of the setting. I loved how the "Close Enough" theme was so clearly going in one direction so the rug pull at the end was especially effective. Also Havoc Dwarves? Hell yeah.
Nice!!!
This might be my favourite submission out of all of them. Very well written, maybe the ending could have been foreshadowed a little more but the humour is great, the characters are vivid and the payoff is satisfying.
Good stuff. You nailed it. Not much else to say.
Heh, I really liked this one. Good twist on the theme there.
Great ending!