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Always Darkest (OPR Writing Jam 13)'s itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Concepts & Originality | #17 | 3.958 | 4.043 |
| Flow & Clarity | #22 | 3.490 | 3.565 |
| Overall | #23 | 3.448 | 3.522 |
| Adherence to Theme | #32 | 2.894 | 2.957 |
Ranked from 23 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
Comments
Mate, I love soul-snatchers/GSC and I enjoyed your spin on them--doing everything out in the open with the blessing of their ignorant rulers. It's quite a clever take. The story was great, solid pacing and a nice twist. Really well done!
Submitted
Lightning and LogicThank you! I figure the Soul Snatcher Cults would be different for whichever setting they take root. In this case you had a corrupt and self centered totalitarian government that was desperate for anything to pull them back from the brink. That let the Matriarch fast track the take over.
In my head cannon, the Snatchers encouraged the unrest and alien raids to better ripen the fruit.
Great story, good pacing, fun twist.
Felt like the theme was a little tacked on, though.
Submitted
The Coroner's GambitThank you. I can see that it feels tacked on. In the original draft, the scientist was approached by a sketchy little traveling snake oil salesman, selling genetech that was "close enough" to the protectorate Prime Battle Brothers mods. And no one cared to look further into it becusse they were so desperate. I had to cut that whole character and angle for length. But that let me at least save the Matriarch reveal for the end. So over all I'm happy with it.
In other words... close enough.
Fattening up an entire planet with gene-experimentation before harvesting them! Really fun concept.
Submitted
The Partheir's HostThank you! Glad you enjoyed it. Keep in mind the Snatchers arent necessarily fattening the world up for the aline hives in Grimdark Future. But they will definitely be running the show here as things go on. An entire world of Soul Snatcher cultists... should be something to see. It makes me want to plot a plucky resistance story now. :)
I definitely had that theme planned from the get go of the story. I just couldn't get the phrasing to work right. Originally the cultist was going to sell the enhancements to the planet touting their authenticity and pedigree. In the end, when things were revealed to be insidious, noting they were close enough. But upon writing the opening, the form and flow changed to be more of an internal political coup which made me have to rewrite the ending dialog.
So this is how we need write jam stories
Thank you I am new here I learnt from your writing.
Submitted
THE TORCH OF HOPEI did not see the twist at the end coming. Good job. It made me go read the Soul Snatcher lore. I would recommend conveying who is speaking closer to the beginning of a wall of speech sooner than you have in some cases. I wasn't aware the speaker had changed at times because it took three sentences before the "they said|" came. Either a "person nodded, 'speech'" or after the first sentence will clear that up. Otherwise, good job.
Submitted
The Wisdom of ViolenceThis story would be a great introduction for a greater narrative. On its own it seems a little bland. The exposition in the beginning could have been a little shorter to give the characters a little more personality to invest the reader in what is going on. Still, an enjoyable read with an intriguing twist at the end.
Submitted
Veridian
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