Play book
Lessons in Hubris's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Adherence to Theme | #15 | 3.618 | 3.696 |
| Overall | #16 | 3.604 | 3.681 |
| Concepts & Originality | #20 | 3.831 | 3.913 |
| Flow & Clarity | #26 | 3.362 | 3.435 |
Ranked from 23 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
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Loved the overall concept, you may have said the words "close enough" one too many times but I got the same feedback as well so I can relate. Nothing better than sci fi freak accidents!
With only one thousand words to work with it can feel like walking a tight rope when handling the theme. It can be all to easy to either lose it by being too subtle, or to end up beating readers over the head with it. I personally feel that making it more obvious is the better choice though. Thanks for the feedback!
All fair points, regardless I did really love your story so congrats on a great piece!
Fitting two stories on one page is very ambitious, I respect it!
Your narrative style gives your work an authentic voice. Nice work!!
Anyways.
Big fan of this story. I like the character focus, and I think you do a good job navigating the frame story and the inner story in a way that makes the divisions between them clear on the page, yet gives them both the space they need. I do think that changing the way you tell the inner story (maybe by structuring it as a story being told, or in a voice that doesn't match the frame story as closely) would strengthen the piece as a whole; the space between them is clear on the page, but the tone and content is so similar that they begin to blur together in the reading.
Very fair feedback and I appreciate you taking the time to go so in depth. I do find when writing that I don't have a difficult time finding my tone, and I'm thankful for that, but maybe it's time to start challenging myself instead of going to the default. Thanks again, glad you liked it!
Your narrative style gives your work an authentic voice. Nice work!!
Nice work!
Well done. Story within a story. The transition felt a little abrupt, but I also couldn't tell you how I would fix it--not within 1k words. You've pushed the word limit to its extent, and not in a bad way. Thumbs up.
The italics definitely pull their weight in seperating the inner story. Wish I could've written more though of course!
MMM, excelent.
You nail the voice of the two sisters in this. You can just feel Fiadh dripping with sanctimonious austerity. To do so in a few lines of dialogue is absolutely killer. You're also a madman for writing a story-within-a-story in 1k words!
Funny enough the story-with-a-story was practically a byproduct of the limited space! I wanted to try out a framing device that gave a little more context to the story . Thanks for the feedback!
I liked this story an how neatly you got the theme in there. It reminded me of old White Dwarf fiction, so it gets a nostalgic thumbs up from me.
I can't say I've read much White Dwarf stuff but I'm happy that it scratched that itch for you!
Great work. I like the idea behind it and the narrative is part of a larger world.
Great job! I like this
This was a really interesting story. I thought the idea behind it and use of the theme was great!