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Break/Ing/Through - A Cyberpunk Adventure's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| How appealing (conceptually & stylistically) is this mission? | #4 | 4.143 | 4.143 |
| Overall | #9 | 4.000 | 4.000 |
| How legible and easy-to-understand is this mission? | #10 | 4.143 | 4.143 |
| How well are design principles used to setup fun gameplay? | #11 | 3.714 | 3.714 |
Ranked from 7 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
Which RPG system(s) is this for?
System-agnostic
Which "hard mode" challenges, if any, did you complete?
Single sheet (two A4 pages)
No images or diagrams
System-agnostic
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Comments
I think you've done a great job with the layout for this adventure. While the adventure is pretty basic, you've done a good job of providing a lot of actionable information and options for PCs to use and act on.
I do think you need to do an editing pass to correct some typos and weird grammar, but otherwise you've done a solid job.
This is very good! Not super flashy; headings are clearly defined, I can understand what's what. The text is clear for the most part contrast wise-- I really like this semi-plain text look, it works well (at least for my eyes as a visually impaired person).
This has a lot of good detail! I do think maybe you should bring the 'what's really happening?' section up-- GMs will likely want to know that rather quickly so they can build toward it well.
I think maybe also you should reconsider the order of your locations. It's a bit confusing to go from the employee entrance to the roof, etc.
A map of some sort would also be super cool, maybe ASCII??
The fact this mission includes a number of things to do is great; it breathes, feels alive. Tbe hacking stuff at the bottom is really fun, I haven't seen anything else like that out of the submissions I've rated. This feels very classic cyberpunk, but I can see it being able to be used in other sci fi genres too with a bit of adjustment.
I think my only thoughts here on what to improve is that you might want to consider adding a bit more detail to the setting-- like more history, etc. Just to make it feel a little more like people really work here-- you're already on the right track. (:
Suggestions:
- move the what's really happening section closer to the top for the GM
- reconsider the list order of your locations
- make a small map? maps plural?
- add just a little more backstory etc to the building, elevate the sense that people work here!
Thank you so much for the very detailed review. All points you highlight are highly valid and I will implement them in the next iteration of the adventure, which I think I will however move from agnostic to specific setting and system (Genesys RPG: Shadow of the Beanstalk). I wanted to constrain myself and try to fit it all into two pages... so some info got lost in the cutting process. ;)
Clear and well-structured layout. Could do with a map, though. The writing is not always as clear as the layout. I stumbled over a few odd choices of words. You use several expressions, such as "bioroids" and "analytical clones," which are never explained. I don't understand "boot from LAN & destroy ice-breaker," and I am not sure what Dr. Bahi is working on, either.
So, my recommendation would be: try to make your writing easier to understand, and either (briefly) explain the concepts, or link it to some published system that explains them.