Play book
The Last Heir's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Flow & Clarity | #34 | 3.222 | 3.222 |
| Adherence to Theme | #44 | 2.963 | 2.963 |
| Overall | #46 | 3.148 | 3.148 |
| Concepts & Originality | #50 | 3.259 | 3.259 |
Ranked from 27 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
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Hello, thank you for participating in the Writing Jam #14! Please email customers@onepagerules.com, to claim your participation minis!
Oh the first Vampire story I've read in the jam, very much appreciated! Decently builds dread until the finale. Very nice work!
Thanks, I love to drop gradual hints throughout short pieces like this, because it's part of the fun. It makes the piece feel longer (because I love writing longer pieces). Vampires are so great to write about as well. ☺️
She was moving different.
Hmmm....not sure what you mean.
Dracula Flow joke. It's a good story.
It's very obvious what the reveal is from the moment the curtains are mentioned, but I think that really helps the story that you've told. There's a sense of dread and finality that hangs over both Raina and Gerrick that neither can escape, and Raina's faltering denial fighting with her regret makes that thematic impossibility really work. I'd say the ending really seals the doom BECAUSE it's bloodless. She'll know Gerrick is out there, but nothing can ever happen.
Another interesting take! Appreciate your feedback ☺️
Ooooh, drama. I do love me a good vampire fic. Solid entry!
Thank you so much! Much luck to you!
The story was good, with a narrative that was quite easy to follow. Simple but clear dialogue that reflects the heaviness of the moment. The ending, however, felt a bit lacking — I would’ve liked to see a bit more ‘blood’ XD
I definitely would have taken it further with more blood, however, there were so many details I wanted to fit in before hand, which left me with no more room. So, I agree with you completely, that more blood would've been excellent, as I love to create long works...
I have a soft spot for this kind of gothic romance, so this worked for me. It sits in that older Dracula / Crimson Peak lane, where the horror is not only the monster, but the way love, duty, bloodline, and secrecy start closing in on the same person.
I also liked how the mystery is handled. The story gives enough signals early on to make the reader uneasy, but not so much that the tension disappears. There is a nice pull between what Raina knows, what she is avoiding, and what the people around her still do not understand.
The impossible part feels personal rather than just supernatural. It is tied to love, succession, and identity, so the ending has a tragic touch without needing to become overly complicated. Overall, I enjoyed this.
That's an interesting take! It seems I did better than I thought I did. Thank you for your detailed feedback. ☺️
One of my favorite nit picks to give is when information is implied subtlety but then stated outright anyway. You didn't have to carify that the Queen was the princess's mother 😉 Other than a couple of those moments like reiterating how characters felt when it's fairly obvious, I really enjoyed this. I was kind of suprised to catch myself hooked on a mystery I hadn't even clued in on yet. Very well done
Thank you for catching that added detail, as I didn't realize I'd made that oopsie. 😅 I always welcome constructive feedback when it comes to stories, as I am a writer. It's something I'm serious about. So, I'm curious, which other parts were "reiterated"? I looked for them, but they didn't jump out at me right away. Anyway, thank you for your feedback and kind words. It is much appreciated!
Nothing as apparant. I'm just a lil hyper aware of moments that can be infered instead of stated since I've been working on that myself. Examples: the prince being betrothed to her, feeling her cold hands was much more impactful than saying she looked cold because her arms were crossed, and the castle coming under attack/her holding her head to a loud sound was kind of clunky. Nit picks mostly, but I DID absolutely love the way you lead into the reveal with clues and subtley!
poor gerrick really walked into the wrong genre. classic gothic tragedy mood, where love is present but not quite strong enough to fix what has already happened. neat work.
It's always great when something goes off the rails in an expected genre. I couldn't resist. :-D Thanks!
I never thought I'd see THAT kind of impossibility brought up in a story from a wargame setting. You really caught me off guard. Nice job!
I always like to put a twist or surprise into everything I write. It's what makes it special. Thank you! :)
I was NOT ready for that ending!
Started feeling like a classic royal romance and then it just pulls the rug completely. That slow dread building underneath all the tenderness.. so good. That mix of dark romance and quiet dread.
Good job!
Thanks for the compliments on my work. It took a lot of research and hard work getting everything right, even though it's definitely not perfect. :)