Play book
An Apple, Unremembered's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Concepts & Originality | #1 | 4.469 | 4.469 |
| Flow & Clarity | #1 | 4.125 | 4.125 |
| Overall | #1 | 4.219 | 4.219 |
| Adherence to Theme | #2 | 4.062 | 4.062 |
Ranked from 32 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
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Hello, congratulations on being ranked #1 for the writing jam! Please send an e-mail to customers@onepagerules.com for us to follow up with you and send you the prize minis. Please let us know in the subject line of your placement and make sure to include a link to your submissions so we can easily identify you. Thanks.
Hey, I'm going to narrate some of the entries from this jam and put them on YouTube, would it be alright if I did yours? I'd credit you of course. And congrats on first place!
thank you.
yeah, for sure, you are more than welcome to narrate my entry. drop me a link when it’s up, i would love to check it out. also, narrating the submissions is a wonderful idea- there are many excellent pieces here.
Thank you! I'll let you know when it's up :)
Smooth flowing read, had me hooked from the start. There's a quiet mood about this story that I just adore. Fantastic work!
thanks for reading
"That's stupid."
This kid is awesome. I love this story.
thanks for reading and kind words
Wonderful story. Touching on a faction that I don't see often. The quiet moments between battles. What does a creature that used to dream think about, after all they can no longer dream. Loved the description of the castle with bedrooms for the undead. Great work!
thank you
Beautiful. It has excellent prose and flow
thank you
Excellent command of prose in this one, the lyrical presentation really fits the mood of longing and remembrance in the story.
thanks for the kind words
Does Mary know what red is? This story is a great illustration of a philosophical puzzle. I'm not sure about the significance of the ending but perhaps it isn't for to know. Either way, great story!
thanks for reading.
i think with a piece like this, the question is probably meant to linger more as tension than as something cleanly answered. that was roughly the intention, so i’m glad it landed for you.
That was gorgeous, and the ending absolutely perfect <3
thank you
It doesn't scream, it doesn't cry, it just pleads. In the midst of all these other action packed stories this does a really good job tugging the heartstrings. Nice work!
thanks for the kind words
This is a quiet piece, but it trusts the reader more than most quiet pieces do. The theme is not announced too loudly; it is carried through restraint, small gestures, and what the story chooses not to explain.
The strongest part, for me, is the control of detail. The writing understands that a small physical action can carry more weight than a direct statement. That gives the piece a sad, precise texture without making it feel sentimental.
My small nitpick is probably tied to the one-page constraint. Some of the emotional beats feel slightly compressed, especially around the dialogue. I think the story is strong enough that a little more breathing room between exchanges would make the impact cleaner.
thanks for reading.
i agree, my piece is subtle for the most part, though i think you’re being more generous than it probably deserves. and yeah, the breathing room note is sweet. one-page constraint made me compress the dialogue a bit too much. i’ll keep that in mind if i revise it.
appreciate the feedback.
Not my cup of tea, but it locked me in from the start. The flow is infuriatingly smooth. Strong execution!
thanks for reading
Genuinely a beautiful piece of fiction with some incredibly evocative writing. This is the type of thing that would get me excited to run out and buy a box of this faction just because I loved this story so much.
thanks for the kind words
I was so happy to see this one as the first in my queue. Really loving the ongoing theme of quiet depravity thus far in this Jam.
Also that in 2 cases so far, what is impossible is truly impossible.
Loved the story, and especially the habitual side of the undead. Top points for originality!
glad u like it. thanks for reading
A good story, I enjoyed reading it. Are you looking for any feedback?
thanks for reading. yes, please. any feedback you have is more than welcome.
Alright, these were my thoughts while reading:
I'd say the beginning could use a small rewrite. Since both the kid and Othmara are female it wasn't entirely clear to me who was meant when the sentence just used "she" to refer to them. So it seemed like the kid was coming out of a drain, then suddenly standing under the tree, then half-way stuck in the wall while also visibly dragging a sack behind her. And it only became clear when Othmara specifically had the knife in hand, and that only happened 2/3rds down the page.
When Othmara tries the apple, after the kid gets pushy, she has an internal reaction but the kid seems to react to it- it felt like there was a visible reaction missing that the child could notice.
thank you, this is really helpful. after a closer reread, i can see the opening needs a cleaner pass, especially around the pronouns, blocking, and knife placement. good point on the apple scene too. giving the child one clearer thing to react to would probably make that moment land better. appreciate you taking the time to spell this out.
I am glad I could help
good one, Othmara still await for that child hahaha
thank you
Peak quiet fantasy right here!!
Written by someone who clearly loves literature, and I mean that kindly. There is this quiet pleasure in every sentence, every small detail doing more work than it should! And the apple carries the whole theme of impossible without ever being forced into it.
Gentle, sad, and very nicely put together.
Lovely work!!
thanks for reading
Beautifully written story. I really loved the contrast between Len’s simple humanity and Othmara’s emotional emptiness, and the apple became a surprisingly powerful symbol throughout the piece. The atmosphere felt melancholic and reflective in a way that stayed with me long after the ending.
thanks for the kind words