Play book
The Human Price's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Flow & Clarity | #19 | 3.565 | 3.565 |
| Concepts & Originality | #29 | 3.609 | 3.609 |
| Overall | #33 | 3.275 | 3.275 |
| Adherence to Theme | #57 | 2.652 | 2.652 |
Ranked from 23 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
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Comments
Hello, thank you for participating in the Writing Jam #14! Please email customers@onepagerules.com, to claim your participation minis!
Hey, I'm going to narrate some of the entries from this jam and put them on YouTube, would it be alright if I did yours? I'd credit you of course.
yeah sure, why not, that would be fun - send me a link when its up, I plan on writing at least another chapter for it, so if I like it I'll put a link in the PDF
Oh that's awesome! I'll let you know when it's up :)
looking forward to it :)
Here you go!
Your narration turned out great. Thank you so much for narrating my short story. I am glad you liked it enough to go through the effort :) - Hope you won't mind if I link to your video in the post for the short story.
I'm glad you liked it haha, there's a couple places where I think I could improve but I wanted to get this up. It's one of my favourites!
And ofc you can link to it :)
A fun read. I enjoyed the set up and the battle scene was well written too
I am very glad you enjoyed my story :)
Ah poor Thomas, the woes of living in a grimdark setting. Fantastic story, very well developed action scenes! Just great work all around!
I am so glad you liked it. And yeah I imagined Thomas to be a bit of a hypocrite, like he is stil profiting from his position and the culture he is part of. He just wants more than luxury ^^
That was a great read, thank you for sharing it!
Thank you for the kind words, I am glad you liked it.
A cool story. Really liked the action scene at the end !
Thank you so much, I am glad you liked it.
This was such a great story to show the other side, the true Knights among the Titan lords. Not just the ones using big stompy robots on the little guy.
Poor Thomas, but at least he got to make his point, even if I can only imagine how much he pissed a lot of people off. I would love to read more about this guy!
Thank you so much, that really means a lot to me.
I really would love to continue Thomas' story. Maybe I could release free chapters through itch. I could imagine him getting a stern talking too from his boss/father in the company and then going off to find a place which he could turn into a home for those Titan Lords that want to use their power for the good of the sector.
I loved that ending! The theme could have been more present perhaps but your story was very well written and I really like your take on the Titan Lords.
Thank you very much. I think with some more space I could have reinforced the disgust that Thomas feels and shown more of what it actually is that he finds so detestable, but maybe that's just an excuse xD
A fun read!
Giant mechs clashing in a golden arena over the most absurdly aristocratic reason imaginable. The absurdity of that setup is so good and the writing totally commits to it. The action sequences are genuinely thrilling, you can feel the weight of every impact!
But what really got me is Thomas, a man disgusted by the world he was born into yet still moving through it. The ending lands perfectly.
Great job on this one!!!
I am very glad you've enjoyed it. It was very fun to write.
I am especially glad that Thomas comes across like I wanted him to. For a while I was a bit worried he'd lean more towards being arrogant and judgemental.
this is very much a big war machine story, but it has enough disgust under the metal to keep it human. i liked how petty the cause of the duel is compared to the scale of the violence. grim, clean, and rather mean in the right way. great work overall.
Thank you very much. Glad you've enjoyed it. I too am quite happy with how this story turned out and how it has been received so far.
Funnily enough, originally the whole duel was meant to be only a side story, where a more heroic version of the MC shows mercy and then gets help during a major conflict. Then it kind of twisted itself so to speak and turned into this much more cynical view of the Titan Lords.
Really strong grimdark atmosphere and excellent worldbuilding. The Titan combat felt heavy and brutal, and the final scene with the molten gold was incredibly memorable. I also liked the critique of war as spectacle and business. Great story overall!
Thank you so much for you feedback. I really appreciate it. This is my first foray into Grimdark Future, so I am glad I got the tone right.