Play book
Chosen's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Concepts & Originality | #22 | 3.727 | 3.727 |
| Overall | #36 | 3.258 | 3.258 |
| Flow & Clarity | #39 | 3.136 | 3.136 |
| Adherence to Theme | #51 | 2.909 | 2.909 |
Ranked from 22 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
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Comments
Hello, thank you for participating in the Writing Jam #14! Please email customers@onepagerules.com, to claim your participation minis!
Really good story. There was a lot packed into a single page
We who are about to die salute you. A nice touch on the servant and deities theme, and subtle weaving of impossibility.
Perhaps a time will come where a foe that dwarfs even the Dark Gods comes into the fray.
A perfectly grimdark introspective on a Havoc Warrior and a solid use of the impossible theme. Maybe runs a tad long here 'n there but nothing that bogs down the story overall imo. Great work!
Thank you! I wanted to contrast her typical Havoc Champion boastfulness with the vulnerability in her fear of death, so I guess that took a while.
This work has a solid core. I like that Salome’s wish is not eternal life, but a more refined version of the same fear. That is a good use of the Impossible theme.
But my main note is that the middle recounting of Chousaki’s death takes a lot of space. The trap is clever, but the explanation is dense enough that it slows the actual emotional turn of the story.
Right, that is one of the story's major weaknesses. I went overboard with the prose explanation. Thanks for pointing that out.
I thought that was necessary, honestly. Summing up the how and the why of her mark, and how challenging it was. You see this isn't some hedge knight assassin but a dedicated follower.
Thank you so much! The question is, how much of her wish comes from arrogance, and how much from the most primal fear?
that final wish is a good turn. all the havoc bravado makes it sound like a power fantasy, then the story quietly reveals it is really about fear, pride, and choosing the shape of your own ending. very neat work.
I deliberately left it ambiguous whether or not the Dark Gods are even capable of granting that wish. The most important part though is whether or not she believes they will.
Very thoughtful and unique Havoc Story, well done!
Thank you! I wanted to show that even the most powerful of Havoc's chosen can still have a human side.
Really enjoyed the dialogue in this one. Salome feels both powerful and strangely vulnerable at the same time, especially during the conversation about death and legacy. The ending line about dying at the hands of the mightiest warrior in the galaxy was a great way to close the story. Very fitting for the Grimdark Future setting.
Thank you so much! Being brave is not about having no fears, its about facing them.