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A jam submission

How Can You Live?View project page

A short story about the impossible task of living in an impoverished society. Artwork used is Rainy Day by Daniel Liang
Submitted by Caracal429 — 6 hours, 35 minutes before the deadline
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How Can You Live?'s itch.io page

Results

CriteriaRankScore*Raw Score
Concepts & Originality#34.1434.143
Overall#53.8413.841
Adherence to Theme#83.7623.762
Flow & Clarity#163.6193.619

Ranked from 21 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.

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Comments

Host

Hello, thank you for participating in the Writing Jam #14! Please email customers@onepagerules.com, to claim your participation minis!

Submitted

Really stand-out formatting that immediately sets it apart. I also love a moody opener and closer that circles back to the start. A delightfully moody, noir-esque atmosphere on this one, it's very much the type of story you want to read on a gloomy day. Fantastic work!

Developer(+1)

Thanks so much!

I’ve always loved it when a story can loop itself back to the beginning in a meaningful way. I’ve done it before, but I’m definitely the most happy with these results.

Submitted

Interesting take on the classsic "hidden affair" situation, throwing in a battle brother. 

Developer(+1)

Thanks!

Having studied the lore, from my understanding the Prime Brothers are the only ones that legitimately only live for Battle and cannot be found outside of a military environment.

Keeping that in mind, I thought it’d be interesting to study an environment caused by the Battle Brothers from the perspective of one having to live in it instead of benefiting from it.

Submitted

Deeply tragic, like slow suffocation. It reminded me of mili song’s in hell we live, lament. Really well written

Developer

Thank you so much! I believe your story is in my queue, so I’ll swing over to check that one next.

Submitted (1 edit) (+1)

Gosh, I adore this!!

It has such a bleak, suffocating rhythm. The whole thing just keeps tightening around one ordinary person trying to survive an impossible world, and that makes the title land beautifully.

This really stayed with me. One of my favorites so far!

Developer

Thank you so much!

I’m generally a fantasy writer, so this was really a step outside of my comfort zone.

 I look forward to reading your story as well!

Submitted

I liked this a lot. It has a similar strength to another entry I read, An Apple, Unremembered, for me: the impossible is not treated as spectacle, but as something ordinary and lived-in. 

The best part, to me, is how grounded the pressure feels. Rations, curfew, broken transport... so on. And the responsibility of caring for someone else all build into a convincing sense of exhaustion. The repeated public message works especially well because its meaning changes as the story goes on. There is also a bit of Camus-like absurdity in it, at least in my reading: suffering inside a system that keeps asking people to behave as though any of it is reasonable. I think the piece paints that very well.

My small note is about pacing rather than concept. The piece moves from pressure to pressure very quickly, so a few emotional beats can land at a similar intensity. A little more contrast might make the later turns hit harder. Still, this is a strong use of the theme.

Developer

Thanks!

I definitely could have taken longer with this story; I had to cut two parts and a flashback, as well as some trimming.

I wanted the Battle Brother’s voice to remind him of a robot legionary he saw once, but had to be cut for time.

Definitely wanted some Camus as influence, as well as Phillip K. Dick (Blade Runner reference? Who’d have thunk it?) and a huge nod to Damien Jurado, one of my favorite musicians.

Submitted

Man, what a bummer in the best way possible. No notes, just lovely tragedy.

Developer

Thank you kindly 🙏 

Wanted to tackle a different form of “impossibility”.

Looking forward to reading your submission!

Submitted(+1)

Having somehow managed to read every single story in this jam, I can confidently say, yours is my favourite! It hits the right spot between fantasy and reality for me, between concrete and abstract, between political and personal. Grimdark without the spectacle. Love this shit.

Developer

That really means a lot to me; thank you so much!

Submitted

i loved this. there is no grand tragedy here, just a man having the worst week of his life while the universe keeps insisting everything is fine. the suffering queues politely and waits its turn. properly grimdark. great work.

Developer

Thanks so much! When I saw the prompt for “Impossible”, I originally wanted to do some epic piece about lovers escaping the Kingdom of Angels, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that impossible odds are faced less by those with the ability to fight, and more by the everyday people struggling to find a scrap to eat. It looks impossible to survive some of the conditions people live in daily, and that’s what I felt inspired to write about.

Looking forward to checking out your story!

Submitted(+1)

i think you found the more interesting impossible. saving the world is hard. making it to next week can be harder. glad you went with this version.