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Born from the ashes - ORP jam #14's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Adherence to Theme | #27 | 3.190 | 3.190 |
| Flow & Clarity | #51 | 2.952 | 2.952 |
| Overall | #52 | 3.063 | 3.063 |
| Concepts & Originality | #58 | 3.048 | 3.048 |
Ranked from 21 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
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Comments
Hello, thank you for participating in the Writing Jam #14! Please email customers@onepagerules.com, to claim your participation minis!
Email sent! Thanks again, guys!
Decisively brutal and the first Sisters story I think I've read for the jam. I love how ruthless some of the descriptions are, especially when it comes to the action. Fantastic work!
Really sells how horrific a demon attack would be.
I felt it was a bit like the "Robocop 3" opening, but with demons. It works, it's a solid transition from orphan to future sister though.
The AI art makes reviewing this difficult, but a havoc incursion being stopped by sisters is usually fun.
There's a lot of not-quite-neccesary additions that would be ok in a longer story (the contents of the backpack and other short expositions) but here, just distracts from an otherwise straight foward recruitment story. Great idea, could just use some editing
Thank you for reading the story and for your honest opinion. I’ll keep it in mind for future occasions. Anyway, I wanted to include those small details to give some life to the setting, so it wouldn’t feel ‘lifeless’.
I get that. I've recently come across a book that changed my perspective on adding "meaningless details" to a novel. Even though this author's extra exposition didn't really contribute to a wider plot or reveal a whole lot of backstory (although it definitely did at times) the vivid details kind of made the whole story feel like a lucid dream somehow- which really fit with the otherworldly science themes.
Liked the premise and story.
You POV made the story a bit clunky in terms of flow.
Thank you for reading the story and for your honest opinion :)
this one really said, “having a bad night? here, have destiny.” city burning, family gone, demon in your face, and somehow it still finds an origin-story spark under all the ruin.
direct prose, just a bit rough in places, but clear feeling and solid ending beat. great work.
Thank you very much for reading the story. Yes, I admit there are moments where I probably didn’t manage to express myself correctly — it’s the first time I’ve ever written anything. In any case, thank you for the feedback, and I’m glad you liked it :)
I love me a good demon incursion. Sister ex Machina to the rescue wasn't what I expected but hey, it felt like someone's character's backstory and that's awesome!
Thank you very much for your kind comment.
WOW! I didn't see that coming! So tragic, though. I'm glad the child lived, but what a traumatizing event! This was a refreshing first-person read!
Thank you very much for having read the story as well as for the positive comment. I’ve always liked heroic and tragic stories, so I drew a bit of inspiration from that tone for the story.
You're very welcome! Good luck!
Really enjoyed the emotional atmosphere of this story. The contrast between the horror of the invasion and the hope brought by the blessed sisters worked very well, and the final scene left a strong impression.
Thank you for reading the story and for the positive feedback, I’m glad you liked it.