There's a whole lotta nothin' down in the ocean. It's really scary, and also, pretty quiet most of the time. Well, that's another problem, because while the noises you can hear are not always hostile, they are most certainly warnings all the same.

The atmosphere and visual design of this novel are very good! The sound... now, I get that the atmosphere begs it, but I was fallin' asleep a bit without the music... ah, it's frustrating. Now, if I had a similar phone to what's shown in the novel, down deep in the ocean just so I could read this... there would be nothing wrong.

I wish it was definitively a wolf. But maybe, that's not something that can happen with this story. I mean, Otsoa... he has little reason to lie, right?

Really enjoyed this one. Loved the coldness of Otsoa towards the end.

I have heard of GatoRon before through the major crossover fanfic he did, which included one of my characters, so I was very curious about what kinda VN he’d be making for this jam. This is very different from what I was expecting, but in a good way. This is a VN I very much enjoyed. I’ll start with the main issue. There were a bunch of typos in the VN, especially around the middle. Thankfully, the prose itself is good and expressive, but some of the grammatical issues can lessen some of the more important parts of the VN. Now this is a very hard VN to describe, but I’ll try my best. It’s basically xenofiction, focusing on an anglerfish. And wow, does it show the horror of being far deep into the ocean. The atmosphere is immaculate. There were several times when I felt dread over how vast the ocean felt. The VN could be split into two parts. The first focuses on the xenofiction part of the VN and what it’s like living in the deep sea. The second part focuses on the conversation between Otsoa and the Anglerfish. Interestingly enough, the first part appears at both the beginning and the end, while the second part sits right in the middle. Both were good for different reasons. The part where the Anglerfish enters the crystal cave for the first time is visually stunning, has vivid prose, and is so different from the rest of the VN. The conversation is interesting. It is quite risky to have the majority of the VN be one long conversation with an almost black screen, but the VN executes it quite well. I do find the worldbuilding and the ideas it discusses to be pretty fascinating, and it just barely manages not to be pretentious. Whenever it was starting to get boring, something would happen to break up the pace, though I will say that it was on the border of dragging on for too long. And I will say one thing about the ending. Peak. I’d highly recommend you read this if you want to read xenofiction or feel the immense dread of being thousands of meters deep into the ocean. Looking forward to what you cook up next!

This is a weird but engaging character study type game. I really enjoyed the story, but I feel like it needed a bit more time in the oven. The characters were really interesting, and the few visuals that were there were delightful! 

I joked like 5 seconds into the game that it was going to be the "It's so beautiful. I might have never known." comic by beetlemoses, but it really was huh. There's a lot unanswered, only implied, but I'm okay with that. I'm not at all familiar with basque culture, so it was cool to see some of that! I love the murky backgrounds, and the music, but the total and complete lack of visuals, especially since they were apparently in a videocall? The designs seem really good, and I see one of the CGs is on the itch page but not in the game itself. The UI was also a bit weird, I see lots of people have been struggling with it, but strangely rollback worked just fine for me so ??? idk coding is dark magic outside my realm of worldy knowledge. I don't have a lot to say beyond that I enjoyed it, and I really hope you come back to it after the jam is over to finish touching it up.

So, I do want to open up with something that kind of irritated me regarding the game - admittedly, it’s kind of a me issue, but the combo of the custom UI not allowing for rollback via mouse wheel, there not being a history page (at least that I could find), and the very liberal usage of text timing and auto-advance made this really hard for me to read. Those can help create atmosphere and dictate the pacing of the work - but it operates under the assumption that the pacing which the author dictates is the pacing readers feel comfortable with. Personally, I tend to jump back and forth quite a lot while reading in order to better understand it / pick up on specific details, and I found myself kind of lost a lot of the time due to the combination of all of these aspects (though admittedly, I also just didn’t find the back button for a while because of the new UI).

That aside, I did eventually manage to overcome those issues and read through the story. Contrary to what some of the other reviewers said, I think Otsoa and the conversations with him were probably the highlight for me. When the MC was alone, the prose was pretty, but kind of hard to follow - it felt as though the same ideas were repeated over and over again to emphasize certain points, but they wound up overstaying their welcome somewhat.

Meanwhile, the conversations with Otsoa managed to genuinely develop the characters quite well - I started out irritated at the wolf and his standoffish personality, but gradually grew to understand both him and the MC better through their conversations. By the end of the story, I was genuinely sad at how things shook out - for as opposed as their desires might have seemed to Otsoa at first, they really do come from the same place of wanting something they can never have. This might just be me having come from reading The Leveret Spirit before this, but I saw the phones as representative of the internet and how it can bridge people from vastly different origins together - and of the trials and tribulations of those types of conversations.

The mystery of the phones connecting between the two was also quite intriguing - why did they suddenly appear? How the hell do they work? And, most of all, why is it that the MC can suddenly understand the other sea creatures? This all lingers in the background, but it’s developed quite well across the work - with the final action scene in particular serving to both give the reveal of “something bigger is happening here” due to the MC’s sudden grasp of the new language (which also contextualizes some previous oddities better), and provide a good climax to the work.

The one problem with the Otsoa sections is the lack of visuals - I imagine it’s in part because of jam constraints, but they have no visuals - Otsoa is a wolf only by name, because we don’t even know what he looks like. I feel as though it wouldn’t have been too far of a stretch for there to be some sort of video call, given how the phones are already quite “magical” in their function - though I do understand that it might not fit in with the author’s vision for the story to be based around solitude.

All of that is to say that I think this is an interesting work, even if I think there’s room for improvement. I do think it’s mostly a matter of taste, though - my own personal tastes are such that I didn’t particularly connect with the solo sections, but if someone’s looking for a moody and atmospheric read that’s well-made, I’d definitely recommend it.

A very interesting concept, even if it kind of feels like the "May Wolf" part is an afterthought. This VN seems to exist in two halves, which are kind of at odds with each other. The first half is quite beautiful, telling a story from a practically alien perspective. There's a real feeling of loneliness in this part of the story, owing to the limited visuals and the flowery prose attempting to explain what it's like from the creature's perspective. It's real pretty, though not much is happening at the same time. I suppose it mostly serves as setup for the second half of the story, which features the creature finding a phone and talking with the one on the other side. Like, let's get one thing out of the way quickly, there are so many logistic issues with this concept. How does a phone still work underwater? Why does the creature happen to know perfect English (or whatever they're speaking)? The VN attempts to raise these questions but ultimately it seems to just be something one has to handwave to get to the core of the story. And what follows is a very long conversation in total darkness, between two unusual creatures, both with an aversion to the sun but different ways of how they feel about it. The one on the other side is honestly... kinda irritating? They're sarcastic to a fault, and seem to delight in obfuscating any possible answers to this peculiar situation. And their conversation is incredibly casual and familiar for what are two completely alien beings trying to communicate for the first time. Anyways, there are some interesting philosophical questions brought up, but truthfully, with my suspension in disbelief already shattered by the logistic difficulties of the concept, it was hard to get invested into the story. I just found myself wishing it was more, because don't get me wrong, it's a gorgeous VN with a very creative perspective. Just needed to stick the landing better. Maybe a bit more alien stuff, and not so much conversation. The ending was good though! Really tragic, but it was a foregone conclusion for such a wretched creature.

This VN is very uneven. Notably, some parts have really beautiful writing, while others are full of faults (I guess some parts were edited and others couldn’t?). There are also great imagery and beautiful drawings, but most of the VN only takes place in a vague blue background. The main characters have some interesting conversations, but others don’t quite make sense (on the music one, the characters kind of seem to switch places) or are cut altogether (I definitely would have wanted to read the beginning of their call).

The characters talk a bit about folklore without going far. The game page mention this VN being inspired by basque stories, but I don’t know what at all, so I can’t really comment.

Overall, there is a lot to like, but most notably the writing takes a deep dive in quality at some points, which makes it difficult to really enjoy. Still, good job!

'Dark Water' is a fascinating surreal dramatic story about isolation, introspection, and communication between characters of two completely different worldviews. What intrigues me about this work is how it's a very simple and effective it is with it's presentation, yet manages to conjure a story so wildly fantastical, but somehow relatable. Just how can someone be able to make a connection with someone so alien to them, have nothing in common, yet the connection be so strong, that the loss of that connection is enough to drive someone to a desperate end. This is a story about stagnation, impossible dreams, and despair.

The story follow an angler fish. Said angler fish exists like angler fish do, luring prey with it's light and eating them, but confined to the depths of the ocean, has never seen the sun, save for the singular time it saw the sun when it was born. The angler fish finds a phone. The phone lets it talk with a wolf in a forest, practically in another world away from the depths of the ocean. The two talk, about life, about each other, about what it means to want something that would destroy you, and the value of friendship and connections with other persons. The wolf having a more cold logic, the angler having warm skepticism. Despite how much the wolf seems to dislike having to deal with the angler, they stay on the line because they're curious. The angler, somewhat hurt by the coldness of the wolf, still stays on the line because it's a portal to a wider world than one he knows, that there is hope, that while he may not be in the sun, he can go other places than the emptiness of the ocean floor. While the wolf says he is not a friend, to someone so alone, even that is enough. Yet, when tragedy strikes, he's attacked by a luminous eel/fish, the phone is broken, severing his connection to the surface world. With no way to repair it, and with no knowledge of how to obtain another one, or even if he were able to find the wolf again, he swims to the surface, to see the sun, even if doing so would end in his demise. It's a profoundly tragic story, and one that such a minimalist and unassuming visual novel is surprising to find within it. It makes one reflect upon oneself and how they can relate to the angler fish. I interpret it through the lens of the phone, and through long distance communication with others you just randomly find online. How much we take for granted that we are able to forge these connections, how there are going to be such stark cultural reference points similar to the angler and the wolf. How a phone can offer a portal to a place that is a beacon of hope, a wider world that while may never be reached, the knowledge that it exists and the potential to go there is never zero percent.

The presentation is quite effective, with it mostly being a dark swirl of colors of the ocean depths, the way that lights cut through it. Even more noticeable when it goes from dark colors to pure black. The art is pretty cute too, with it being a surprise when the cell phone pops up with the reflection of the angler fish guy. Or the jump scares when the fight breaks out with the eel/fish and even in the beginning when the angler also eats another fish guy. In a way, I almost thought it was going to go in a vore-istic direction, but really, it's to punctuate how even before the discovery of the phone, angler was simply doing what would he would be the victim of later in the story, never giving thought about the lives the fish he eats. Even more punctuating how he himself also just gets drawn to light sources, when it could easily become a trap and he'd be dinner too. The writing is surprisingly descriptive, with a lot of variety when it comes to prose. Going from punchy short descriptions to experience the intensity of a situation to the long drawn out conversations between the characters.

The folklore was a little bit on the weaker side, presenting itself as the angler fish making up their own folk lore tales about what the sun is and anything he could do to keep those feelings alive. In a way he was creating folklore, but I feel since it was so internal, it's hard to also convey the part about folklore being that it should be shared. This story is crazily creative, with quite a few ways you could interpret the text, going for the surface reading or trying to see it as more of an allegorical sense. Would never have thought that I would be so enamored by the plight of an angler fish. The writing almost coming off as poetic. Even that one moment where it looked like the angler fish had a choice, but it cut off so quickly that it even denies you that choice. Such a tragic story that once his phone was broken they even tore off their own light, it wasn't enough.

For a first showing by GatoRon, I'm pleasantly surprised by how much heart this visual novel had. There was enough polish in the art and the over all design that was really efficient use of the limited art assets. I will say that the dialog between the wolf and the angler fish started to get a bit verbose as the philosophical discussion seemed to drag on. I did like how it was interrupted by interesting tense moments, like the wolf having to get out of the sun or the angler getting attacked, since if these things didn't happen, it would be a lot of quiet moments and bordering on getting bored with the narrative. There's also a lot of mystery as to what exactly is happening, but I think with the way this story is presented, I didn't think about it that much, since end up hand-waving a lot of the justification for the premise, so I continued to do that when it came to the logistics of how this world works. If that wasn't the intention, then finding a way to ground it would need to be more of a priority in the intro. Overall, it was a charmingly dark and moving piece of writing, and I feel like I'm seeing a lot of technical skill here that would easily translate to other genres. Looking forward to more from this developer/author.

I liked everything up to the point where Angler gets the phone and starts talking to Otsoa. The narration, visual presentation/art and character work for them prior to that is stellar and I really like the exploration of the quiet longing and loneliness of deep sea creatures. But Otsoa themself felt a little superfluous to me because their conversations with Angler felt a little stilted and overly drawn out. The only important thing they really did was give Angler a name and then be removed from the story. I was much more interested in Angler's internality and the exploration of the deep ocean than I was in Otsoa. I also don't feel that it implemented the theme well at all or really had a wolf. Otsoa of course technically meets that criteria by being a wolf, but in practice their nature does not matter and any nocturnal land creature would have worked just as well for this. The references to folklore are also sparse: It's only the name Otsoa and the other possible options they give. None of the really affects the plot.

However, the art here is really really good, and I like what was done with the lighting. Having it be dark for the majority of the VN really sold the idea of the crushing and bleak ocean. It also offset the moments with light, particularly the end, and made them much more impactful. 

I enjoyed this game quiet a bit! The UI was simple, but the simple change from the default added a good sense of style. I thought the fake choice was cool and the story was interesting and made me curious to see more of this world. I have a lot of unanswered questions, but I think that's fine. My only problem is that I think the story meandered in the middle. 

So, several years ago I was looking into the origin of the surname "Ochoa" out of curiosity and discovered, quite interestingly, that it's derived from the Basque word for "wolf". I didn't think that factoid would ever be useful to me ever again until I saw our wolf for this entry was named "Otsoa." Hell of a way for that rabbit hole to come full circle.

Anyway, tangents to the side, for a first attempt, there's a lot to like here. There's also a lot to work on for next time, but browsing through the script, I think some of that may have also come down to not being able to fully realize your vision due to the time constraints of the jam.

Breaking down by rating criteria:

Implementation of Theme:

If it's there, it's not as clear as some other entries. What we're looking for here is "folklore", and I could see an argument for the Basque proverb "Eguna egunezkoarentzat eta gaua gauezkoarentzat" being the connection to folklore here. That proverb does provide a discrete thematic throughline for the VN, with our characters forced by nature into their environment despite their desires not to be confined to their predetermined spaces (and Angler at least successfully rebels against this at the end). I'm not sure if the proverb itself really constitutes folklore? I think that's plausible, considering it's at least oral tradition and all, but I'm also not sure if I'm stretching to give you credit. 

Presentation:

Judging by some of the notes in the script, this may be where the project suffers the most from the tight timelines of the jam. When the presentation is working, it really works - the opening scenes of the VN are really great. The soundscape early sets the tone with ambient music and more subtle water SFX, we have great visuals like the faint sun from under the water, the crystal cave, and that poor snail, and the writing comes off very clean and aesthetic.

However, once Angler starts communicating with Otsoa, the presentation falls off for much of the VN. There are very many proofreading errors (typos, grammar, misused words), and while this really isn't as much of a problem with the internal narration, especially the purple prose in the cave where the text reading as ethereal or cryptic can elevate the moment, the errors can make the dialogue hard to follow and get invested in. Also, for much of the VN, basically the entire length of Angler and Otsoa's interaction, we are more or less staring at a blue screen. I understand that we're underwater and that is literally what it looks like, but that's a long way for a visual novel to go without any visuals. 

The presentation does pick back up again from the viper fight through to the end, with tense sounds and some solid art, though I did notice there were quite a few comments referencing CGs that didn't exist, hence the theory that some stuff got cut for time. I know it's difficult when you're just starting out, but I think getting an editor, or at least a proofreader, on board could really help you out. 

Story/Writing:

For how long this VN is, there's really not much plot to dig into. Setting aside some of the mysteries that are presumably intentionally left unresolved, like what the extremely durable phones are, how they got to the ocean and the forest, and why the cave and lake disappeared soon after, most of the conversation between the two leads is primarily meditative and philosophical. We don't really get much more out of our characters than the superficial elements that contribute to the theme - both feel trapped and disillusioned by their environment and desire for something unattainable, even if it would kill them. It seem like Otsoa might have a more interesting backstory (whereas Angler's is almost entirely characterized by aimless drifting before finding the phone), but we really only get hints of this before the phone is destroyed.

Again, I think I see what you' might be going for here, with Angler and Otsoa being representative of concepts or emotions rather than expressly defined "characters," per se, but the problem with this approach is that we spend a lot of time with these two having basically a Philosophy 101 discussion, and that combined with the static visuals and sometimes stilted dialogue can make the middle of the VN feel like a bit of a slog to get through. 

As stated, everything picks up dramatically once the viper enters the picture, but from there we speed straight through to the climax and conclusion, barely getting any other interaction with Otsoa. I think if you were to revise this, I'd suggest putting more "events" in the story to break up the philosophy speak. You already do this a bit with the first viper fakeout and Otsoa's flight to the cave, but if we could have a few more of those events that add some tension, or some momentum, and let the story flesh out some more facets of the characters' attitudes and personalities, that would go a long way. Those events don't all have to be super dangerous or life-threatening, but maybe Otsoa hunts some easy prey, or Angler finds a cool underwater rock formation that they describe to Otsoa or something. 

Creativity:

For all the feedback above, this was definitely creative. Underwater phone conversation with the wolf is absolutely a direction I haven't seen taken before, and there are other unique choices too, like the characterization of the underwater environment as very cold, calculating, and isolated and the integration of Basque language and culture. 

There are some really cool ideas here (and, to reiterate, some really inspired images when they pop up), and I think now that you have some experience under your belt you can use this as a foundation to make something really special if you stick with it, and I hope you do.

Final score of 8 completely waterproof cell phones out of 12 Freshman philosophy lectures taught by a literal wolf.