The presentation was great, but the writing left me wanting for more, just more. I'm hungry. When I got to the ending, I had to go to the fridge... and I ate, and ate. I read the nutrition label and thought about how much damage some of the ingredients could give me if taken independently.

The folklore is there, the audio design is alright. The title screen is beautiful... but I'm a thirsty little flower. I'm gonna die if you don't come back soon.

This VN was... interesting. I really liked the application of the folklore theme, using the "coin on the mouth" superstition to kickstart a bizarre incident. It's a very Brazilian story, with a lot of little cultural elements here and there such as the MC's nationality. The pacing is pretty quick, and the visuals are nicely made, making for an exciting story. Thing is though, I'm totally confused by pretty much everything that happened during that incident. I can accept being in the dark when it comes to horror, but I never got a satisfying conclusion that would explain everything that just happened. After the story cuts to the present, it just ends quickly without any explanation. So... yeah I don't know what just happened. Something about a corpse reviving, maybe multiple corpses? That dead body at the end... was it the lieutenant? Why did Jorge think his death was a supernatural cause? It also really bothers me for some reason that Jorge didn't want to investigate the body in the morgue. Shows a lack of scientific curiosity, strange coming from a doctor. Also, the writing shows a little bit of ESOL, particularly in that it mixes up tenses often. The trick with the text box moving around is something I can't say I've ever seen in a VN before, so it was cool, but unfortunately it did distract from the reading experience. Ultimately, there's the roots of a great horror tale here, but it needs polish overall, and maybe a summary at the final scene for dumbasses like me that need it.

That was an interesting period of horror.

Well, the theme was implemented with the story surrounding the tale of the VN's title.

The story, I was kind of confused as to why it would need the beginning part, (read a review) oh a parallel of the past, it sucks that I didn't get that. Other than that I liked the feeling of dread I had while I was reading it. But it felt so short-lived, I kind of wish there was more. It kind of just ended imo. Also I never got to know about that money, what was that for? That ring as well confuses me. I guess it feels more like "Damn this happened." Kind of story.

The presentation is great though, so much art of differing styles, like the bgs, very great, the cgs with the morgue and the body, horrifying. That shifting text box is certainly very creative. And I would say the audio is done well enough, but maybe an actual lightning strike on the lightning dialogue would have been impactful. A 5/3/4/4/4 for me.

This one was a really effective horror story! Starting with the more subtle horror of having to do as the corrupt soldiers say, before things shift to a more supernatural horror - Jorge getting caught up in the karmic justice delivered to Damasceno, and not really being able to make heads or tails of the symbolic events of the night. 

I also really want to commend both the CGs and the backgrounds - the CGs are absolutely beautiful and help set the scene well, but the backgrounds do a fantastic job of making the setting of the Forensic Medical Institute feel real and accompanying the story.  The sprites are also quite expressive, but I'll admit that they felt a bit too static for my liking - with each sprite only having two expressions, and characters feeling quite static.

Speaking of, it does feel like the characters took somewhat of a backseat here - while Jorge and Michelle are the main characters here, and make for the framing device, the story of the autopsy and all that surrounds it doesn't really feel like their story - it feels like it could have happened to just about anyone, and they were just there by coincidence. Them being observers to the supernatural occurrences isn't necessarily bad, but I do feel as though we're missing some kind of unique perspective that would make this uniquely 'their' story. 

There's also the matter of the rapidly-shifting textboxes and the somewhat lackluster soundscape, but those have been raised in other reviews, so I won't linger on them for too long.

In spite of that, I do think that this is quite the interesting game - on top of the effective horror sequences, it tells a story about a time period that is both underexplored and fascinating, and I did enjoy the framing device of the two characters reminiscing from long in the future - the karmic justice of the past mirroring the hope for future real justice after the shift in rule. 

My one big gripe with this one was how much it left me wanting. I've enjoyed the premise, the characters, and visuals, and yet, A Coin On His Mouth is cut just a little too short for me to fully appreciate them. The one aspect this VN has going for it is the creativity. As a concept, a horror story set in the Brazilian Dictatorship era just lends itself to so much narrative depth. While it'd be unfair to say the game doesn't dive into it at all, a sad truth is I don't think it has the space to properly explore this profundity. Whatever unique takes on the idea it provides, don't go much beyond a shallow view. I've praised the art, but there's one pretty noticeable problem with the presentation. The dev(s) made the quite baffling decision to slide the textbox from side to side depending on the position of the speaker. This makes just reading the dialogue tiresome, and borderline nauseating during back-and-forths. Another way this project let me down somewhat was in how little we see of these characters. They are all interesting people in an intriguing set-up but we never get to see them truly clash. As I read, I entirely expected this to be a "first build" scenario given the word count, but instead the story just abruptly ends before anything is really resolved. Maybe there is intentionality to this suddenness, but to me it only came off as a casualty of the Jam's time limit. I still enjoyed A Coin On His Mouth, but not as much as I would've if it had a longer scope. Hopefully, we'll get to see interesting plots such as this explored more thoroughly in the future.

So wolfururu mentioned The Mortuary Assistant in a comment below and that's where my mind went as soon as I saw the premise for this one as well. Unfortunately, if we're going to stick to a video game analogy, the short length and breakneck pace of the VN leaves it feeling more like one level or sequence in a bigger project than something that feels complete and fully developed. I didn't dislike this, but I also think there's a lot of room to further develop plot and characters, as well as presentation here. Breaking it down further:

Implementation of Theme:

Sure, this one meets the ask. We have the folk legend about putting a coin in a corpse's mouth to do some spooky shit to reveal their killer, and said spooky shit does indeed happen after Michelle does the thing. There are a few details that are unclear or unexplained, but for the purposes of this rating criterion, I think we're good to go.

Presentation/Writing:

First off, there is some real quality art here, especially the wolf on the autopsy table and especially especially the first CG at the bar. The sprites look decent too, and while I do wish there was more variation in expressions, I get that producing a lot of assets under jam pressure is tough. 

The shifting text box to follow the speaker in dialogue scenes felt interesting and original at first, but lost its appeal and even became a bit distracting as the VN went on. I think it's a neat idea, but maybe it should be saved for specific scenes that best suit it, like the intro scene in the bar where two characters are in one spot, having a straightforward conversation, and the shot is framed so they're each on one side of the screen facing each other so the tennis match dialogue box looks a bit more natural, and then just use standard dialogue styles for other scenes.

Also regarding the dialogue boxes, I'm not sure why Ricardo's name tag for dialogue is just "Iguana" when we know what his name is. Don't know if that was a holdover from a draft that didn't get changed, or just an error. 

Sound was noticeably absent for large swaths of the VN, and this is a real killer. The story was a bit underwritten here, which I'll get to in a bit, but generally you can get away with a simple plot and characters in a horror piece as long as the suspense is done well. If you're going to go that route though, you absolutely need visuals and audio to build dread about what's coming next, and that's not consistently present in this VN. 

I will reiterate here as I do whenever there's an entry written by a non-native English speaker that writing in translation is extremely difficult and I respect the effort and dedication to get your work out there despite that. That said, there were definitely some parts of the script where things might have been getting lost in translation. While the VN wasn't difficult to get through per se, there were lines that were pretty difficult to parse, and I think that may have contributed to several other commenters (and me too, probably) not fully understanding what you were trying to convey.

Story:

Alright, so the core concept here is pretty straightforward. We have two friends working in a morgue while there's an oppressive regime running things, a jerk soldier shows up with a corpse, one of the friends says "hey I bet that jerk soldier killed this guy", they do a superstition magic trick, it turns out that jerk soldier did kill that guy, and the jerk soldier gets hit by a car for his trouble. 

Like I said above, the plot doesn't need to be overly complicated here, but it's pretty thin as is, as are the characters. Jorge and Michelle barely have any distinguishable personality traits other than Jorge being more cautious and less superstitious, maybe, and Damasceno is almost entirely one-note. There's actually a bit of a paradox for me here since we get more of a feeling for what Jorge and Michelle are like from the frame story than the main narrative, but otherwise I feel like the frame story is mostly superfluous. While I want to reinforce that the bar CG is cool as hell, I do wish that some of the time and effort spent on that scene had been reallocated to fleshing out the main narrative. Like, maybe just start in 1973 and give Jorge and Michellle a few more interactions, before, during, and after the haunting, maybe add a few with Ricardo as well. Once the haunting starts, maybe have a few encounters with Damasceno to show how he's slipping and how the relics of his misdeeds are driving him insane. 

To touch on those relics a bit more, I think I see the vision here, with each of the objects Jorge finds being something related to Damasceno's actions. The envelope is some sort of bribe, maybe paid to the wolf to keep quiet, and because he didn't "do what he was told", Damasceno's marriage blew up, hence the ring, and the wolf was killed in a similar manner to the horse, who is implied to have also been killed by Damasceno. Damasceno is then killed by a car because that was his way of killing his victims. I can also see the impetus for keeping those details subtle, but I think having a few more scenes with Damasceno present and reacting to things (even if he's cagey or in denial) could make it easier to make those connections, and also just make the setup flow better. Like if the haunting is ostensibly for Damasceno because he's the killer, why is all the evidence being chucked at Jorge, who doesn't know what it means? Maybe if it was Michelle getting that stuff it would make more sense since she at least caused the haunting in the first place, but Jorge doesn't really track for me. 

Honestly, I think the best way to have done this story would probably be to cut the frame narrative and have the whole thing from Damasceno's perspective. Have him come in with an air of authority, then have him collapse as he's haunted by his memories and the audience is filled in on what actually happened. Damasceno finding out about what Michelle did could also lead to a secondary conflict there before he eventually meets his poetic demise. I know "aha you've been playing as the bad guy the whole time" is becoming a bit trendy now, but I think that sets up a much more interesting delivery on your premise than what's currently here.

Creativity:

Despite the critiques above, for a second (that's what it says in the VN's outro anyway - I only see one entry on your itch page) attempt this was still pretty decent. There are a lot of good ideas here - the terror of Operation Condor-era (or I guess slightly before then in this case) oppression in South America is underserved in pretty much every genre, let alone furry horror VNs, and I think these stories are absolutely needed in South America's current political climate. I think you have some good horror/thriller instincts and general writing abilities, I'd just want your next project to take those ideas a couple steps further.

Final score of 10 buckets of blood out of 1 new set of tires.

A pretty tight supernatural horror experience. The setting of Brazil under the dictatorship is pretty interesting, as I took a Latin American Art History class in college, and the professor for that class was Brazilian. She was old enough to have lived through the dictatorship when she was very young. So it's cool to see a VN take place in that period of time. For the VN itself, I liked how the first half was very low-key and casual, as if it was just a glimpse of someone's normal life. Then the second half is very atmospheric with its horror. I was very hooked and wanted to see what direction the VN was taking. I do agree with others that the ending was a bit rushed and it could have savoured in the atmosphere just a bit, but what we have is still very excellent. It also incorporates the folklore very smoothly. I also think there could have been more audio, like more sound effects and more ambience, it would have added to the VN while also making it feel less empty. Definitely want to see more horror stories from you. I especially want to see longer horror VNs from you. The direction of the story was also a little predictable with some of the conversations in the early parts basically spelling out what will happen, but the journey was still enjoyable, and I'd rather have a predictable story than a mundane contemporary presenting VN going all supernatural on me halfway through (not trying to @ anyone, I'm just saying). Definitely recommend if you enjoy a good ghost story.

'A Coin on His Mouth' is a thriller of inexplicable circumstance and bad people getting what they deserve. While an element of mystery and political is coursing through the undercurrent of the plot, the story is a tale of how sometimes things can't be easily explained and how sometimes we're at the mercy of the supernatural. Though striking visuals, and excellent direction, this is the kind of story that's meant to give a chill up your spine and be a little bit more tense after you read it.

The story is one of a pair of medical professionals reminiscing over a shared incident now that their country's political regime has finally switched. The two medical professionals are Jorge and Michelle, and that one night they're approached by a small group of solders looking to have a body examined. Jorge and Michelle, they are already suspecting foul play and corruption, but they relent and do as the solders say, as they currently have the power. During the autopsy, Michelle suggests to do a  superstitious ritual of placing a coin in the mouth of the deceased, for if they start to bleed out, it's likely that their killer is nearby. Nothing happens at first, but when the medics are taking their breaks, stuff happens. The solders go missing, the corpses are bleeding out, random shattering of glass and the solders are spooked. In a panic, the lieutenant who was the worst of them, gets hit by a car as he flees in terror. They never could explain what happened, and we never quite either, but there's a lot to suggest that something super natural was at play.

The presentation is impeccable, even from the menu with the stylized RGB effect. All the character sprites and CGs just have so much personality to them. They're creepy and morbid, but that's what this genre is known for. The audio design is also on point, just being eerie enough to make the reader feel discomfort, without being grating. The writing is also as technical as it needs to be to feel real, but also evocative enough to instill unease in the reader. There's no big monster, just a lot of inherent creepiness, and a lot of weird clues left about to let the reader try to fill in the blanks. Though whether the reader feels compelled enough to want to put together a narrative, I think will vary from reader to reader. Some will be satisfied just reading a scary story, some I think might come away perturbed by the lack of concrete evidence of what happened and just a lot of speculations. Stuff like the money that was left, the ring, and why not just one, but two bodies started to bleed out.

The folklore aspect, I did not expect to be implemented in this fashion. Often with lore around death, they come off more magical and religious in nature, so it was a breath of fresh air to examine it from a medical/scientific perspective, even if it remained unexplained in the end. This is one of those kinds of stories where I feel like there was a lot of thought put into the world building and backstory, so that it properly informs the narrative, but then I wonder just how significant it was to the story itself. Was it actually super natural? Was it an assassination that then needed to be covered up? One big conspiracy? Unreliable narrator? I fear that perhaps this is one of those stories that doesn't have an answer and relies on the reader to satisfy themselves coming up with a reasoning that makes it all make sense.

While it looks like this was a team effort, this does also look like a first time entry for this author/team lead. All the pieces together really do elevate this visual novel into a full immersive experience. The level of polish from menus and the UI, even though I thought the moving text box did get a bit distracting as it happened. I'm surprised that the story takes place in a flash back, as it does spoil the ending on knowing that the two character at least survive, maybe softening the blow and making it a less tense read for those easing into horror stories. I know it's more of a personal bias against ambiguous plot elements, but it does feel more unsatisfying than cathartic when even how it happened is a mystery, I would've still liked to have know why it did happen. But, I will praise the strong characterization with all the fun details and the way they speak, and this really did create a tense atmosphere. With a team like this, y'all could really make some banger projects.

The first part was pretty intriguing and interesting, but the turn to supernatural horror stuff didn’t work for me. A bunch of stuff is thrown at us that didn’t really amount to anything; no correlation or link between them. I liked the relation between the characters though. The folklore theme is mentionned, but not much is done with it.

As for the presentation, the sprites, backgrounds and CGs all look really nice! However the music disappeared in the middle, lessening the impact of the horror scenes some more. Lots of sound effects mentionned in the text are absent as well (like the lightning, the rest of the gun shots and a few more). Also, I didn’t really like the moving textbox, it was distracting.

Overall, it feels rushed and unfinished.

I love these kinds of legends, the ones that give you shivers down your spine just imagining if it were true. The visual of the bleeding corpse and the coin on his mouth is so chilling, and the art itself is great. (Though I found Damasceno way too cute-looking to appear intimidating 😭 despite his discrimination)

You did well to build up suspense; the part where Jorge couldn’t find anyone in the hospital got me sweating lol. Though, I’ll admit the story itself got me scratching my head. A lot of the events at the hospital went unanswered. Though realistically a lot of things do in these kind of anecdotes, I still feel like there was a lacking amount of details and context. I assume Damasceno was the culprit behind the corpses’ murder, no surprise there, but I found it difficult to piece together my own explanation of how exactly the rest of the superstition played out. Why couldn’t Jorge find anyone for a moment? Why was that drawer bleeding? What’s up with the money and the ring? (Latter fockin jumpscared me to death, didn’t help I was reading this at 3am in my garage lol)

Jorge becoming religious at the end was pretty interesting, though, and I enjoyed Michelle’s personality as a contrast to everything else a lot. Overall a nice and short read :p

I don't have a whole lot to say on this one, mainly because it felt like an incomplete experience overall.

What attracted me to this VN was its framing as an urban legend. I've said it in another jam review, but I am a fan of urban legends, so I appreciate that this went that route for the folklore theme.

That being said, the story is filled with plot points that don't go anywhere. Why did the coroners look at the body of a completely unrelated victim in a separate room? Why is there an envelope with money? Why did the Lieutenant lose his ring? The characters also react pretty nonchalantly despite the supernatural situations happening around them. And then the story just sort of ends. The development of Jorge going from suspicious to religious due to the events is interesting, though I would recommend spending more time exploring the night's events on his psychology with more than just passing comments.

Probably the biggest thing standing out about this VN is the textbox moving to indicate who is speaking. It's unique in concept, but it becomes distracting when the text is going at the same time. To expand on presentation: the sprites are static throughout the story. I found scared sprites for each character in the game's files, so why weren't those used? The CGs rule, though, I'll give them that.

There's also a noticeable lack of audio throughout the VN. There will be long stretches of complete silence only broken up by occasional sound effects. To me, this doesn't really cause any tension. At the very least include some kind of deep droning track or a consistent heavy rain sound effect to establish the dreadful atmosphere this VN is going for. 

Overall, I do find the concept interesting, but I think this needed some more time in the oven. I understand it's a Jam VN, and I applaud the creators for their efforts. I'm just saying, this was <5k words. There's plenty more room for story. Add some audio to establish tension and more sprite variations, and that will enhance this as a horror experience.

Slight Spoiler Warning!!

I really enjoyed A Coin on His Mouth! But before I begin yapping, I just want to say I’m not at all experienced with reviews, but I still wanted to share my thoughts as a reader. So I hope this is helpful!

So for starters, the presentation was honestly my favorite part. The art looked amazing, and I liked how the UI shifts to whoever is speaking.

I also really liked both the concept and atmosphere of the VN. I liked the superstition in a morgue setting and the overall eerie tone that was set. It kind of gave me the same atmospheric vibes as The Mortuary Assistant, which I really liked!

But for me, I didn’t feel super emotionally attached to any of the characters, but that might just be my own experience with it rather than a flaw in the story. I just felt like I was just observing what was happening than really feeling fully immersed with the charchters, so the events felt a bit more expected for me. But I still found the story interesting to read through.

I also thought the ending, specifically about the main character that was said to have changed afterward and going into psychology and becoming more religious, was really interesting! I just wished that there was a bit more focus or developed on that part, since it felt like a big shift in his life. Overall though, I did enjoy it a lot. The art, UI, and atmosphere really stood out to me, and I’m glad I read it! I’ll have to keep an eye out for more stuff from y’all. Keep up the good work!!