Neat story, but this wasn't a game. This felt like kinetic novel.

Private story telling game, still need more construction

Visually, this is really strong. Everything feels cohesive, clean, and well presented, I love the art style. The audio is also very nicely done, the paper flipping and the sticky sound of the photo being pulled out are small details that add a lot.

My main issue is that this feels more like the introduction to a game than a game itself. There are really only two mechanics: clicking through dialogue and clicking to “charge,” and then the experience is over after a minute and it feels like nothing happened. 

The story ends just as it introduces its main idea. There isn’t time for the character, theme, or situation to develop, and there aren’t any choices, routes, additional characters, progression, rewards, or other forms of player interaction. Because of that, it didn’t work for me as a visual novel either.

I know game jams are often about exploring an idea quickly, but given the scope of this jam, I would hope to see the concept pushed a little further either mechanically or narratively.

I think you have a really polished opening to a game here. The visual identity and sound design are already working. I’d just love to see what comes after this first scene.