Hi,

I’m LatinaStrike (a streamer) I'm providing this feedback from the perspective of a regular player and streamer. I do not have any experience in development at all. 

Ler me start by saying I absolutely LOVED this game! The art style was actually what caught my attention in the first place, and I loved it from beginning to end.

I honestly wish I had been able to stream this one because I would have loved for you to see my reactions. I had planned to stream it last week, but unfortunately I was having audio issues and wasn’t able to. So I ended up playing it on my own time and WOW, I did not see that coming!

The story took a turn that had me completely invested. When I finished the episode, I literally said out loud, “NOOOO!” 😂 It reminded me of watching a really good TV show where the episode ends right at the best part, and you’re just sitting there thinking, “Wait… I NEED to know what happens next!”

I absolutely loved this. I really hope you keep going with it because I would love to see more and find out where the story goes.  Please keep working on it. I need to KNOW LOL. Great work! 

I absolutely loved this demo!  The artwork looking like pencil drawings, the scribbling sound as the scenes advanced, and the increasing sense of discomfort over the story, especially when it switched to our boy's POV.  I saw from your page what the art originally looked like, and I will say, absolute MASSIVE improvement!  

It cutting off where it did was diabolical; I literally yelled NOOO on stream cause I wanted to see more!  Which is the mark of a good demo, IMHO.

I did notice some grammatical errors in the text, and when fullscreen, the title screen font went a bit wonky, like it wasn't made to be that size.  Also, there was no way to exit the game, and I had to CTRL+ALT+DEL to end it.

For my playthrough, I played the desktop version.  I really hope the full game is available soon, cause that will be an instant wishlist!

VOD of me playing: https://www.twitch.tv/videos/2875282122?t=02h44m40s

Short demo, I see. 1 minute as a girl, 1 minute as a boy, credits. 

The background and foreground are merging, here we go again.

Here's an example of how to separate a character from the background using only black and white. Heavier black outlines and more ambient occlusion:

Or even better, use a gray fill. Example from "INORAVEN":

Most likely, this is digital, just stylized as a pencil, so no one is stopping you from using the gray layer. Pure mono black and white is difficult for the eyes. This is how grayscale will immediately change the picture:

The art style is great--it's what originally drew my attention to the game. Telling the player the game is played with a mouse is also good. It communicates how the game is intended to be played so they don’t get confused.

I do wish there were more visuals during the explanation of the puppet performance in the beginning. I think it would draw in the player a bit more. Or maybe there could be a bit more scenes with Rainy going through her day-to-day life before getting to the library scene. A longer buildup of innocent and mundane dialogue could disarm the player and make the switch to Jonathan's perspective much more  jarring and memorable.

Filling in the blank does seem like a novel concept, and I was very interested in this mini game because my game also uses a similar mechanic at some point lol!  But I had trouble seeing why this mechanic was included. There doesn’t seem to be any punishment for putting in the wrong words, because the text just shakes. I want to see consequences for selecting the incorrect options and I want to see how selecting different options might affect the outcome of the game. 

There was a grammatical error in one of the fill in the blank segments: “I feel ___ because he ___ me. No one ever this ____ to me.” The last sentence here should be something like “No one has ever been this ____ to me,” or “No one was ever this ____ to me”. 

There were some other errors in grammar as well, like “whatever let’s just talk about firework”, instead of “whatever, let’s just talk about the fireworks festival”. It would be good to look over the dialogue to check the grammar again.

The music in the background with the rain SFX was initially pleasant to listen to, but the looping eventually became somewhat jarring to listen to over and over. My suggestion is to allow for moments of silence in between to let the player immerse themselves in the atmosphere of the game. I do like how the music changed when going from Rainy to Jonathan however.

Perhaps this is because the game is in development, but I wanted to see more dialogue choices.

Furthermore, I didn’t see an option to access the game settings after leaving the title screen to start the game. A player might want to adjust the resolution and sound after starting the game.

Additional settings might be separate SFX and music volume channels, text speed, and possibly keeping the text windows open for slow readers to reread dialogue. Also, to make the game accessible, there should be the option to play the game with the keyboard or a gamepad. Even if it’s just using the arrow keys and pressing enter for the keyboard, and then using the control stick and the select button for the gamepad, these additions will make the game playable for many more people. More options are good!

 Overall I enjoyed it,  and I think this game has great potential. There were portions when it was genuinely creepy. Perhaps including a few jumpscares (sparingly) would help keep the player on edge. Thank you for sharing this game and best of luck on your future endeavors!

I really like pencil scribble artstyle, it really complements the atmosphere of the game/story that you're telling. This is really unique, as I don't see this kind of artstyle that much. I was hoping there would be more exploration beside the library before you talk to Jonathan, because the art is just so unique! 

During the mini-game where you fill in words, my first intuition was to drag-and-drop the word to fill the blanks. But it is not drag-and-drop and player must fill the blanks from the start of the sentence sequentially. My little suggestion here is to have a little cursor showing which blank is about to be filled by the next choice of word.

But since the sentence is fairly easy, I didn't make any mistake for the mini-game. I do wonder what will happen if you construct the wrong sentence...

<SPOILER for those who haven't played the game> 
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There is also a little grammar sentence mistake when the two are walking together from the boy's perspective. If I recall correctly, he mentions her walking speed being very slow and the grammar mistake is quickly notice-able.
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<End of SPOILER>

Overall, this is a short and unique visual experience! I wish to see more of the game. There is definitely a potential of expansion, so hopefully you can build out the narrative into a full-fledged story!

Note: I was playing the browser version as I am running linux on my PC, so there may be more content in the downloaded version.