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Indie Legion #PitchYaPitch

Hosted by gaming chef, INDIE LEGION, Realms Games · #PitchYaPitch
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Submission feed
A jam submission

Margonem AdventuresView game page

Free-to-play mobile game. Mix of rogue-like dungeon crawler with a deckbuilder for mobile devices.
Submitted by Margonem Adventures — 1 day, 1 hour before the deadline
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Margonem Adventures's itch.io page

Results

CriteriaRankScore*Raw Score
Overall Pitch Quality#63.8753.875
Engagement#73.6253.625
Clarity#83.5623.562
Unique Selling Point#133.3753.375

Ranked from 16 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.

Judge feedback

Judge feedback is anonymous and shown in a random order.

  • Visuals are great Would like to see more examples of the cards being used in combat Video in tweet is effective but it would be great if the journey through the tunnel stopped at the door and the door opened to reveal the title Would like to know more about retro gaming re-imagined
  • A render of gameplay would help in understanding how these dungeons tie into a deckbuilder style game.
  • I am intrigued by the setup, slow cinematography and the music also complements the foreboding nature. I think it just lacks that punch to sweeten the deal. I was hoping for more by the end of the stinger clip.
  • Very clear USP. The presskit a bit hard to read due to background images, but good info.
  • ​Great visuals and nice-looking trailer. You've done a great job with the Press Kit! Suggestions: -- Include gameplay in your trailer. -- Set up a Call to Action link : This could be a Google Play page where people can Wishlist the game or a mailing list so they can get notified when it comes out. (Follow on Itch is probably not going to be very effective for a mobile game) -- Could include a Minecraft meets XYZ game type description -- lot of people like this type of breakdown.
  • Feedback submitted as Indie Legion.

PitchYaPitch Tweet
https://twitter.com/Margonem_2/status/1452594500405186562?s=20

Press Kit Link (DevLog Update)
https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1gkS9FrPLXh39O64EsZcV9lhVpg2dyqcL1Yo2s5Qnh-Q/edit?usp=sharing

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Comments

Zwinzler GamesSubmitted5 years ago

Clean & concise pitch - and love the art/design!

Submitted
When The River Runs Dry Early Release
Reply
MagusEdge5 years ago

I like the tweet itself and thought I had a good idea of what to expect. When I watched the trailer I then felt lost. Would it be possible to get some gameplay in there? I have no clue what the cards do or how they interact with the rest of the game even though they appear to be a unique selling point.

Reply
gaming chefHost5 years ago

Dumb question - how does this tie to Margonem 1 ?

Reply
Margonem AdventuresDeveloper5 years ago(+1)

Both games partly share the same lore - but that's about it (at least for now). Margonem 1 is a browser MMORPG, and Margonem 2 is a step in a bit different direction :)

Reply
PixelSlopSubmitted5 years ago(+1)

Very clear yet concise pitch, straight to the point, and great looking! I would try and add the card crafting mechanics in the tweet, as it seems to be one of the main selling points, but I understand it's tricky in a short tweet!

Submitted
Nobody's Quest
Reply
Realms GamesJam HostSubmitted5 years ago

Feedback submitted as Indie Legion.

Submitted
Puzzling Realms
Reply
INDIE LEGIONJam Host5 years ago

Great visuals and nice-looking trailer. You've done a great job with the Press Kit!

Suggestions:

-- Include gameplay in your trailer.

-- Set up a Call to Action link : This could be a Google Play page where people can Wishlist the game or a mailing list so they can get notified when it comes out. (Follow on Itch is probably not going to be very effective for a mobile game)

-- Could include a Minecraft meets XYZ game type description -- lot of people like this type of breakdown.

Reply
Realms GamesJam HostSubmitted5 years ago(+1)

Suggested Tweet Edit:

Margonem 2 is a pixel-art tribute to retro dungeon-crawlers with RPG deckbuilder gameplay.

Don’t mind the darkness… It won't mind you.

Grim Dungeons🕯️

Fierce Monsters👻⚔️

Deckbuilding🎴

Crafting ⚒️

Free to play 🪙

Mobile 📱

Follow👉https://garmory.itch.io/margonem-2

#PitchYaPitch

Submitted
Puzzling Realms
Reply
Noisy Head GamesJam Judge5 years ago(+1)

I think the pitch is very good, and your video is also well made. They just don't seem to match unfortunately (which I think is just based on how much you've done looking below). I don't know if there's any other media you can use instead of that video which more closely matches the description? Either way, game sounds very exciting and I'm looking forward to what you build :)

Reply
PiecakeJam JudgeSubmitted5 years ago(+1)

I LOVE your art!! My critique is, one of the main selling points is that it has cards and monsters to fight, but I don't see the cards, the monsters, or any fighting in the trailer. So it just looks like you explore dungeons. I guess you're still in progress though, and at least there are cards and monsters in your art. The song you picked for the trailer too doesn't seem to have high energy either, but of course it's a dungeon song so that makes sense. My critique is just things that you probably would'nt have been able to implement anyway since your game is mostly unfinished, so, good work overall for what you got!

Submitted
Realm of Divinos - Pitch Ya Pitch
Reply
ozbayemrahJam JudgeSubmitted5 years ago

Your video on the twitter is look really nice but there is to much info and nothing finish.. I think there should be some direct point for user to lead them to where you want

Submitted
Soul Passage
Reply
Margonem AdventuresDeveloper5 years ago(+1)

Well, there is a link to Itch.io in the Tweet - but you mean in the video? Good point - we could work on that. Thanks for feedback!

Reply
Dire PrismSubmitted5 years ago

So much mood in that video.
Was kinda thinking to critique not showing how the game is actually played but perhaps it's not a bad idea to keep a bit of mystique?

Submitted
Treacherous Journeys
Reply
Margonem AdventuresDeveloper5 years ago

Thanks for the feedback! Like we said below: some concepts still change rapidly, and are in very work-in-progress state. But we were going for a bit of secrecy to keep things interesting  :)

Reply
Chen Ying VAJam Judge5 years ago

+ Mystically fascinating and piquing of curiosity
+ Enchanting graphics and mood

- Gauges, establishes interest but doesn't unravel it to satisfaction.
- I was swayed by the "pixel art" in description

Reply
Margonem AdventuresDeveloper5 years ago(+1)

Thanks for the feedback! There are still things we are  actively working on - i.e.  some of the game mechanics. Some concepts still change rapidly, and are in very work-in-progress state - so we decided not to show all of them just yet.

Reply
LinaJam JudgeSubmitted5 years ago

Maybe use the word voxel art instead of pixel art?

Submitted
San Zoolin
Reply
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