I AM RATING THESE ALL THESE JAM SUBMISSIONS RELATIVE TO ONE ANOTHER. THERE ARE HIGH HIGHS AND LOW LOWS BUT PLEASE DON’T TAKE THIS TOO PERSONALLY, AFTERALL, WE ALL ONLY HAD A MONTH.

I’VE ALSO ONCE AGAIN VERY MUCH PROCRASTINATED ON DOING THESE JAM REVIEWS SO THESE ARE BASED ON MY MEMORIES FROM 10 MONTHS AGO.

Implementation of Theme (1):

Not a VN.

Story (1):

Not a VN.

Presentation (2):

There’s no images in the story but there is a custom UI. That still does not make it a VN in my eyes.

Creativity (1):

Not a VN.

Total (5):

This is not a Visual Novel nor an Audio Novel in my eyes. It was honestly so inoffensive that The Administration decided not to enforce that this is a Visual Novel Jam. The Judging will be the judges.

I do hope that the creator goes back to this story or his NovemBEAR to flesh it out because he definitely has been immersed in the FVN Community enough to make something great.

Like the other before me I agree this is a very interesting start to the story. It helps that we don't get much visuals besides the color of the background, because it allows the readers to form what they think the monster looks like in their head. At least that's what I did. And I'm also thinking on what kind of an apocalypse this is! I don't know if it's an apocalypse, but the vibes make me think it is, kinda like a quiet place sorta deal. Which begs the question, what are the conditions for the mutations? Or are there wendigo(?) type creatures that can consume the people and take their voices? Looking forward to seeing how the story goes if you decide on continuing it!

That was an interesting concept, I like the setup for the beginning of the story, and kind of wonder what will happen next, but alas it is incomplete for now. I really like how due to the lack of vision Connor instead has to use memory to guide himself, and has the potential in a "Visual" novel to use visual elements even with a visually impaired MC, I loved the mystery, horror and intruige that this gives me like what is happening, why is it happening, I WANT TO KNOW MOREEEEE
Also sayer is not defined, also interesting thematic use of "Light in the dark" potentially, and maybe a little bit of a mention of the wolf love interest?

It’s short, but it’s a nice start! Despite showing only background colors, the story made me hooked up, and it fits well with the myopia thing. Will you work on it someday? I’m looking forward, and I’m following you!

The hardest part about the jam is the one month deadline. 😵‍💫

I wasn't able to accomplish a lot of what I wanted to do with my entry, and I feel you were in the same boat... other obligations arose that took priority.  I can say that what you did manage to do is great, as expected from you, Vye!  

I can't comment too much, given the current state, and have to rate based on what's there, but please don't let that discourage you from developing this (and Bearony) further!

There isn’t much to judge story-wise yet. The premise is intriguing enough, the voice-in-your-head works pretty well, the writing is pretty good. As for the presentation, I understand the idea of not seeing the background, but when the text talks about seeing pawprints or chimes or claw marks etc. it breaks down. Very blurry photographs would have been good here. The sound effects were nice, though. Overall, can’t say I particularly want to see the rest of the story, but there’s some good stuff.

I really like the prose on this VN. It's pretty detailed and flows well. I like how it dripfeeds information so that the reader slowly starts to get what's going on. The music and sounds added to the atmosphere, though there definitely could have been some work done there. I'm a bit conflicted on the visuals. It's pretty clever to have a practically blind protagonist see no sprites in the game, but that does come at the cost of looking at blank screens for much of the VN. It definitely would have been better if NVL format had been used instead of ADV. I personally would have used blurry silhouettes to convey the protagonist's blurred vision. The tone of the story is pretty eerie and discomforting, in a good way. It reminded me of the animated short, Umbra, in its tone (even though the plot is pretty different). Unfortunately, because it's unfinished, it's hard to judge and I can't in good conscious rate it too highly. Still, I'd definitely look out for any updates to this VN.

'Myopia' is a thriller apocalyptic/survival story with the twist of it being through the eyes of someone unable to see without glasses. It's an interesting premise, since sight is paramount to survival, so having the main character, who is surviving alone, end up without them puts him in even more danger than a regular survival story. The other interesting angle, is that this seems to be at the end of a survival story, once the cast has been taken out one by one, and we're left with the sole survivor. Him against the 'monster' that they were all afraid of.

I think the story is definitely still in that WIP state, so there's not much to go on. There's a couple of weird details that are implied to give a sense of confusion and bring up the stakes. Something about how some wind chimes are used to ward off the monster. There's also the voices inside the main character's head, which I'm taking to mean are the inner thoughts the main character is having, but through the lens that his friends are the one's encouraging him. These details aren't explored that much, but that's also probably cause it hasn't been written yet.

As for what is presented, I think there's the beginnings of an idea forming here. The setting is well established and well described, even for a nearly blind main character. We just don't quite know who this character is, what this apocalyptic scenario entails, and what the motivation is for this character. I think the interesting angle for this story is going to be how it tackles having a nearly blind main character deal with a very high stress situation alone. I can see how the theme 'light in the dark' might be presented, but until it gets written, it's pretty absent from the WIP. Overall, what's presented is good and you've got a decent hook to keep people reading, just keep at it and write more words for it.

Kinda tough providing a lot of feedback for something that's essentially a prologue, but I'll do my best here. It's got good bones, but it's very unfinished and there's much left to be determined by where the story will go in the future.

Spoilers from here on out. 

Implementation of Theme:

I'm gonna be honest, for what strengths the VN does have, this one isn't getting through to me. What we're looking for here is "a light in the darkness" and while there's certainly a lot of darkness with the post-apocalyptic setting, friend deaths, monsters, and the whole literal blindness thing, I'm not catching any "light". Maybe it's supposed to be Dean? But it seems like Dean might also be the monster that's trying to kill you, and I'm not entirely sure what the MC's relationship was with him before current events, so that would take some guesswork and assumption. Maybe there's something that I'm missing but it definitely doesn't feel clear.

Story:

There are some really fun ideas here: I get anxious about protecting my glasses in the real world where there's an optometrist 10 minutes down the road; add the additional strain of the apocalyptic setting and that gets real stressful. Leaning into the blindness and removing the visuals from the visual novel is interesting as well and the voices in the MC's head are also a nice touch, very reminiscent of Hellblade. 

Where this story is currently lacking is detail, or rather contextualizing the details that are present. There are a lot of names being thrown around, but with no visuals and very little backstory to accompany them it's hard to keep everyone straight and parse what importance, if any, they had to the MC. Some more details about what the threat is outside and why the MC is protected (or at least feels that way) would be nice as well. Like, yes, it's a horror story so leaving the safe space is always something you don't want to do, but it would be better if we understood more of why we didn't want to do it so we could be nervous and afraid along with the MC. 

Presentation:

As stated above, the blind protagonist angle is really interesting for a "visual" novel (and also a very convenient way of not having to worry about sprites and backgrounds). With that said, as some others have pointed out, the best way to capitalize on the deprivation of one sense is to emphasize the other - more manipulation of sound to make the MC and reader afraid of what's out there could go a long way. I also agree that the backgrounds don't necessarily need to be solid colors - that's not really what the MC is supposed to be seeing, so even just blobs of different colors within the frame could be helpful. That could also help set up scares when one of those blobs turns out to have eyes and gets much closer very quickly or something.

As far as other presentation issues go, there are a few typos within and there's the somewhat random error that gets thrown at some point in the early story. 

Creativity:

Best category for this one by far, mostly for the reasons covered above. I know time was short for the jam so there's quite a bit left to go on this one, but I'll look for updates later in the summer to see how you continue to develop the idea.

Cool and very unique concept. This is what a VN should be: not just a written story / novel supported by visuals to help imagery, but a story that also utilizes audio-visual aspects as the storytelling device. 

It has the potential to be an excellent short horror VN. Taking away the visuals really sets in the feel of the story, though I'd argue using really blurred out background would better fit the title. The joyful look of the main menu works well to strengthen the eerie vibe, made me think about Midsommar tbh. I only have a small grievance about it: some elements don't contrast well, which makes them hard to read (unless you did that on purpose).

Unfortunately, aside from suffering from being undercooked, it missed the opportunity to lean way harder into audio. Making us "blind" will force us to focus on other senses.  The chimes and the "chase" scenes were great, but it could use way more. After all, nothing is really silent; there is always ambient sound. Even the silence/absence of sound, at times, can be used to build up unsettling / "something is wrong" vibe.

Nothing that can't be fixed, though. Great work!

Cheers!

Cool and very unique concept. This is what a VN should be: not just a written story / novel supported by visuals to help imagery, but a story that also utilizes audio-visual aspects as the storytelling device. 

It has the potential to be an excellent short horror VN. Taking away the visuals really sets in the feel of the story, though I'd argue using really blurred out background would better fit the title. The joyful look of the main menu works well to strengthen the eerie vibe, made me think about Midsommar tbh. I only have a small grievance about it: some elements don't contrast well, which makes them hard to read (unless you did that on purpose).

Unfortunately, aside from suffering from being undercooked, it missed the opportunity to lean way harder into audio. Making us "blind" will force us to focus on other senses.  The chimes and the "chase" scenes were great, but it could use way more. After all, nothing is really silent; there is always ambient sound. Even the silence/absence of sound, at times, can be used to build up unsettling / "something is wrong" vibe.

Nothing that can't be fixed, though. Great work!

Cheers!

Very unusual and even unsettling. It's a novel idea, taking a protagonist who is practically blind, removing the visuals, and using that to your advantage to ramp up the horror due to not knowing what exactly is going on. Thing is, I feel like the "not knowing" part is doing this VN a bit of a disservice. I sure would have liked a bit more explanation on the nature of the apparent apocalypse they've found themselves in, and I found most of the dialogue and character names difficult to follow. The good news is, that didn't take away from the eerie atmosphere, so this VN really sets itself apart based on that.