Dunno what else to say, this one is a pretty rough first draft. It's advertised as a parody, but it isn't really funny enough to be one in my opinion. Sorry. The good thing is, there is a decent plot in the works here, regarding a heist or something. The lack of backgrounds makes it kinda difficult to follow, and there aren't really any twists to make it more exciting than a standard heist, but at least it's competently constructed as far as heist plots go. I did enjoy the protagonist stubbornly going against what the guide told him to do though, I think there's some real potential there. Keep working at it, I'm sure you can take this further.