Well, if nothing else, it's definitely the best Polish language entry in the jam.
Jokes (albeit accurate ones) aside, this is a tough one to evaluate since I'm not sure how much, if anything, was lost in translation. It's not an issue of glaring errors or the language being incomprehensible - far from it, in fact; there's some really impressive imagery in here - but more so that we have a writing style that's already supposed to be ethereal made even more esoteric by the translation, so at least for me this one took a while to get through.
Going to try to do my best with the breakdown, spoilers from this point forward.
Implementation of Theme:
It's there, or at least I think it's there anyway, in Aeron struggling with the darkness of his creation, existence, and eventual fate, mirrored by the literal darkness of his blindness. Depending on the choice made in the penultimate scene, "light" comes to that darkness either from a change in perspective and a new purpose, or from permanent release from that existence. I see it, but it doesn't always come through clearly, especially in the first option where it doesn't really feel like the leads' relationship has quite developed to that point (even with the bathhouse, which felt a little out of left field in its own right).
Story:
This felt like such a weird one to me, where we learn so much information, so many details about the world and characters, but simultaneously feel like we don't know enough to keep up. That's paradoxical and probably a bit unhelpful, so maybe as another way of looking at it, the plot is moving and the characters are developing, but there's something missing that makes it feel like the narrative isn't gaining momentum at the rate it should. Like despite the obvious care and effort that went into the worldbuilding and the presence of a lot of things I like (I like creepy; I like mystery; I like well-done body horror; I like Big Wolf Man) I just really struggled to get invested.
One thing I'll say about the writing style, and I mentioned this in a review for another entry as well, is that while metaphor and simile are generally good, and there are some good examples here, it's also possible to have too many figures of speech, and sometimes it's good to have more standard narration in between your more vivid imagery to let those passages breathe. I'd consider that especially important in a work like this where we're in an unfamiliar universe with a lot of unfamiliar concepts and it can be easy to get lost.
I think there are also some points in the VN where you could be using action to better draw in the reader - for example, in the intro we have a pretty decently sized exposition dump about the Dreamers. I would either 1) cut this and let us encounter the Dreamers the first time Anpu sees them, learning more details during the initial encounter with Aeron; or 2) have more of a cold open that follows a Dreamer or pack of Dreamers through the environment, depicting a scene of the goo oozing from their eyes and looking up at the sky or something - create an image and a mystery that makes the reader want to know more.
Also, neither here nor there, but I am choosing to interpret the second ending as a surprise twist Novembear entry. (joking)
Presentation:
Potential issues with translation aside, it's pretty good! I like the ominous air of the whole environment, I think the sprites are really solid (I actually like the Dreamer and fox ones more than the leads, but like I said, I like the creepy stuff), and music and SFX are used to great (and sometimes subtle [!]) effect. Love the chants coming out of nowhere.
In terms of writing generally, like I said it's tough to evaluate - you're well within your rights to submit an entry that's not in English, and I appreciated the chance to get to read this with the translation. There were just a few parts though that I just could not parse, like the bit from the graces at the end. Like, I kinda got the gist, but also ended the VN on a note of not knowing what I just read.
Creativity:
Creativity absolutely abounds here, and like I said, despite some of the difficulties involved I'm really glad I got to read this and get into this world for a while. There are a ton of really neat ideas here and I think, outside of the confines of the jam, if you'd had a little more time to polish this it could be an even better experience.