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Disciples of the Pale Pyre's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Art: how well does the art support the other content? | #134 | 3.500 | 3.500 |
| Theme: how well would the module have fit into the Appendix N? | #136 | 3.821 | 3.821 |
| Writing: how clear and/or interesting is the writing? | #158 | 3.429 | 3.429 |
| Playability: how easy would it be to run this module? | #172 | 2.929 | 2.929 |
| Overall | #175 | 3.193 | 3.193 |
| Layout: how easy is it to find all the presented information? | #218 | 2.286 | 2.286 |
Ranked from 28 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
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Comments
There's a lot going on in here, and it reads more like a story than an adventure. The descriptions are decent and quite traumatising, which reflect the horrors involved. But I would probably break this up into numbered or headed paragraphs to make it easier to use at the table. There is some vivid horror imagery in here which kept me reading.
Very good scenario location with lots of stuff to discover and many options how the players' encouter with the cult may end. Good writing and charming hand-drawn art. Putting the map of the mine in the background of page 3 to save space is understandable, but makes it hard to read and use. All in all, a fine entry that would definitely benefit from a layout overhaul and maybe should even be expanded to 8 pages. Nice work!
Echoing others here, I enjoyed the hand-drawn map and art. A classic fanatic Cult adventure based on the models in Appendix N.
I'm a big fan of naive drawings. Also much respect towards the enthusiasm and creativity.
The hand-drawn artwork gives the adventure a distinctive style, and the solid, gruesome writing complements it perfectly; the description of the fanatics is pure Appendix N btw!
A couple of suggestions for improving usability at the table:
The artwork is fantastic, but placing it behind the text makes some sections difficult to read. You might consider giving the art a more prominent placement on the page.
The narrative format is engaging, but for quick reference during play, a traditionally keyed map with numbered, separated locations would make the document much easier to parse.
Well done on the interesting adventure!
Enjoyed the hand drawn art, it's a cool style. Story is interesting. Would like some keyed locations for the map, and a map of the mine area as well. Just stuff to make it easier to run at the table (opposed to the narrative block of text). Good concept and I can see running, or playing in, this story to be a lot of fun.
Really great old school feel.
that’s my new “about the author” statement. Thanks for reading!
"Three wooden privies to the Northeast are foul and inadequately maintained. Two are presently occupied"
Any cult that can't keep their privies working are definitely not worth joining!
There's a lot to like here- cultists and prisoners, a giant idol, a monster that will happily eat everyone that comes through a portal, mushy organs and one of my favourite beasties, the gibbering mouther, who is always good for encouraging screams from the PCs!
Other posters have already made the points about the design of the adventure. What I would say is that this is a classic style of D&D game, so I wouldn't change the plot, just give it room to breath.
And draw a big old Gibbering Mouther for the first page, it'll set the adventure up a treat!
thanks for the good feedback. Much appreciated.
Echoing some of the other sentiments here, I think this could easily be expanded to better fit the amount of material within, and that this would definitely work wonders as a solo stealthy module. Headings, labels, and layout are definitely skills worth cultivating, and I would recommend taking a look at Clayton Notestine & Exeunt Press’ blogs for advice on that front.
The hand-drawn art is charming, and the dungeon delve through the mine evokes lots of traditional imagery re: evil cults & mad wizards. Great work!
Very thoughtful and useful feedback, thanks. Learning layout is definitely high on my list. Thanks for looking!
The map and illustrations are super fun! The adventure as is, might require a bit of prep to run, as it reads like a novel rather than dungeon keys. But the story within is a really fun “infiltrate the Cult” adventure. Loved “save vs puke”, and I can see a lot of fun chaotic mishaps to be made with the mined “salt”. Great stuff!
thanks for reading! We tried to present lots of implicit opportunities for shenanigans.
I love the map on the first page, it could be a handout, and also playable. This reads like a story and I never really thought about this until now, but I think this could be an awesome solo format.
thanks for looking. I ran it solo a couple of times to “playtest”.
Written in the style of my favorite modules of the '80s. Lots of interesting things happening here for a party to interact with. And "save vs. puke" made me laugh out loud. I agree that adding some headers would make this easier to use at the table.
This turned out fantastic! great work!
Wow, thanks! That means a lot coming from you.
Love the combo of strong vibes & playability, every line is simultaneously evocative & functional!
Thanks so much, we really appreciate you checking it out.
I llove the creepy vibes and art. I'd suggest adding headers that correspond to each section so it is easier to find the info the gm is looking for. Also the art behind the text is hard to read.
good idea about using headers. I’m bummed about the background art, too. I need to work on using fewer words to make more room. Thanks for checking it out!
I think you should remake with a couple extra pages to fit the art. I think it's great.