Play supplement
The Diary of Ottilia Bausch's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Vibes | #32 | 3.482 | 3.636 |
| Inspiration | #40 | 3.307 | 3.455 |
| Overall | #45 | 2.959 | 3.091 |
| Usability | #53 | 2.089 | 2.182 |
Ranked from 11 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
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Comments
Have to smile when you mention the family dog laughing at their terrible shots. How fun to be a bunch of teens for this adventure! Great drawing of the eldritch monster. I love the art, the teen with the whip and the ducks is neat. A bit of a mystery for the kids to solve, which has a different flavor from the other entries. Cool!
Loves the 80s "kids on bikes" energy of this! Great intro to get the players all in the right mindset, lots of fun references to the NES games.
I think a little bit more structure and some extra detail to the area keys could really help punch this adventure up. For instance, when investigating the prison cell in the barracks, the adventure just says "after investigation the players learn...". This really leaves a bunch of work for the GM to actually come up with the details there. You have the elements (the glyphs, the letter,) but it would be great to tighten that up in a clear set of points for the GM to have at their fingertips. Separating the descriptions out into chunks is a really good practice that I think you could employ here. Start with what would be immediately obvious details to the PCs, then have extra detail for the GM that comes from further PC investigation.
I'm not a huge fan of the Paladins-ex-machina fallback to save the PCs if things are going sideways. Much better to have good resources the PCs can find and use to save themselves with smart play, imo.
Overall, very strong intro, cool concept, just needs a bit of tightening up in the area keys to really make it sing. Good job!
Thank you for the excellent constructive criticism! Very refreshing. One question. I don’t know what you’re referring to when you say “paladins-ex-machina.” Could you give me a specific example?
Yes, sorry I was playing on "deus-ex-machina". I'm referring to the GM notes where "armored paladins emerge, smiting everything in their path!"
Oh I see! I got the reference but couldn’t figure out what part of the supplement you were referring to. Thank you for the clarification.
The father giving all the kid whips is such a great detail. Really nice layout and artwork.
Really into that titan enemy artwork.
The intro is solid and really takes the game inspiration to heart! The layout could use a little refinement to make the flow of the adventure a bit clearer, like how many enemies are in each zone, including pagenumbers for the zombie and skeletons from the core book. I love the duck hunt with the indie whips intro, super evocative! The glyph drawing is my favorite, super mysterious. Great work!
Thank you for the feedback! I was trying to leave it a bit open ended so the GM could add as much challenge as they wanted while still giving enough of a scaffolding to sort of guide the story.