Art: See I love when art evokes the diegetic feeling of 0e. I feel like these drawings exist in the universe, and they're qualitative enough that I can construct a mental image of the real people they depict.

Writing: While there's humor here, there's also a through line of the sublime in a way that, with prep, could really make the horror pop. I enjoy the commentary by Dr. Fuchs, but it could be a bit more actionable in terms of information delivery.

Game Design: The balance here is maybe a bit too balanced, if that makes sense. There's not a whole lot of room for actionable/usable volatility that the Warden can take advantage of player side.

Theme: Pyramids are a classic ancient myth staple. As are the monsters, the eccentric doctor, engineers, and (possibly) expendable crew. I think you hit the nail on the head, and I like where your head's at with this.

Layout: This unfortunately is where I get lost. I see the vision, but the current layout is super super busy. The text is really hard to parse, but honestly has easy fixes, like low opacity rounded rectangular boxes would help. The passion and  ambition here is heartening, it just needs polish.

Utility: Setting everything else aside, if the information here was all I had, I could run this with a couple hours prep. I will say this category intersects with layout in terms of me needing to be able to read everything, but aside from that, this is good to use.

Favorability: I like how discovery centered this trifold is, and I am reminded of the vibes of Atlantis: The Lost Empire, Indiana Jones, and National Treasure. I unno, it just hits a spot, and the panic engine serves it well.

Overall I would love to see the post jam polish! With a little polish on this, I hope to see it more and more, and I can't wait to see more of your work.

Art: See I love when art evokes the diegetic feeling of 0e. I feel like these drawings exist in the universe, and they're qualitative enough that I can construct a mental image of the real people they depict.

Writing: While there's humor here, there's also a through line of the sublime in a way that, with prep, could really make the horror pop. I enjoy the commentary by Dr. Fuchs, but it could be a bit more actionable in terms of information delivery.

Game Design: The balance here is maybe a bit too balanced, if that makes sense. There's not a whole lot of room for actionable/usable volatility that the Warden can take advantage of player side.

Theme: Pyramids are a classic ancient myth staple. As are the monsters, the eccentric doctor, engineers, and (possibly) expendable crew. I think you hit the nail on the head, and I like where your head's at with this.

Layout: This unfortunately is where I get lost. I see the vision, but the current layout is super super busy. The text is really hard to parse, but honestly has easy fixes, like low opacity rounded rectangular boxes would help. The passion and  ambition here is heartening, it just needs polish.

Utility: Setting everything else aside, if the information here was all I had, I could run this with a couple hours prep. I will say this category intersects with layout in terms of me needing to be able to read everything, but aside from that, this is good to use.

Favorability: I like how discovery centered this trifold is, and I am reminded of the vibes of Atlantis: The Lost Empire, Indiana Jones, and National Treasure. I unno, it just hits a spot, and the panic engine serves it well.

Overall I would love to see the post jam polish! With a little polish on this, I hope to see it more and more, and I can't wait to see more of your work.

Art: See I love when art evokes the diegetic feeling of 0e. I feel like these drawings exist in the universe, and they're qualitative enough that I can construct a mental image of the real people they depict.

Writing: While there's humor here, there's also a through line of the sublime in a way that, with prep, could really make the horror pop. I enjoy the commentary by Dr. Fuchs, but it could be a bit more actionable in terms of information delivery.

Game Design: The balance here is maybe a bit too balanced, if that makes sense. There's not a whole lot of room for actionable/usable volatility that the Warden can take advantage of player side.

Theme: Pyramids are a classic ancient myth staple. As are the monsters, the eccentric doctor, engineers, and (possibly) expendable crew. I think you hit the nail on the head, and I like where your head's at with this.

Layout: This unfortunately is where I get lost. I see the vision, but the current layout is super super busy. The text is really hard to parse, but honestly has easy fixes, like low opacity rounded rectangular boxes would help. The passion and  ambition here is heartening, it just needs polish.

Utility: Setting everything else aside, if the information here was all I had, I could run this with a couple hours prep. I will say this category intersects with layout in terms of me needing to be able to read everything, but aside from that, this is good to use.

Favorability: I like how discovery centered this trifold is, and I am reminded of the vibes of Atlantis: The Lost Empire, Indiana Jones, and National Treasure. I unno, it just hits a spot, and the panic engine serves it well.

Overall I would love to see the post jam polish! With a little polish on this, I hope to see it more and more, and I can't wait to see more of your work.

The thing holding this submission back the most in my view is the chaotic map. You are not really able to read properly what is written due to overlapping objects. The map itself is very good but it is not clear where to start reading or what to read next. I would make the map a little smaller and move the text to the free space that has been opened up. Alternatively you could add some kind of background to the text so that it does not overlap with the lines in the image.

Wow. A lot of great concepts, with a fair bit of work to fully realize them. As others have said, it seems you need to finish some of the art. The concept of the interior spread is great though; I love seeing the whole pyramid under the ground. As others have mentioned, I think you could easily tone down the railroad-y aspects (instead of, "When the players arrive here, x happens" make it "if the players arrive here and do y, then x happens"), add some blocks behind the text to help it stand out, and maybe organize the whole thing a bit more, and this could be a great exploration module.

Art: I take it that you ran out of time before finishing all the NPC portraits, but what you have is nice.

Writing: Funny and effective. I like the casual tone. You did a good job of sketching out a memorable cast of NPCs with a minimum number of words. The tone is wildly different from most Mothership fare, which wouldn't ordinarily bother me much, but it's a little odd envisioning it as existing in the same campaign as some of the other Barrow stuff.

Game Design: My main complaint about this is that it's heavily railroaded. The party is going to the bottom of this thing and back out again just because it's there, there are certain steps that have to happen along the way, and the cast of NPCs and prodding from monsters are all sort of conspiring to make sure the players do all those things. Granted, you did suggest that there might be other ways to convince the pyramid to open the doors, but it's still structurally on rails pretty much the whole way.

Theme: It's definitely ancient mythology. It feels to me like it wants to use a different system than Mothership, though. The mechanics of Mothership are going to fight with the kind of vibe you're looking for with e.g. those monster powers, etc.

Layout: I think the map itself is really nice but it's a shame the way the text is just plastered over it without e.g. little label boxes or something. The direct overlaying of the text and the map's lines them both harder to see clearly, and gives a messy impression.

Utility: Full marks. Everything necessary is present for someone to run the scenario as it's intended, assuming the players are going to cooperate when herded.

Favorability: It's fun to read, but I wouldn't run it because a linear progression of encounters without much player agency is a personal deal-breaker. Again, just personal preference because that's what this category is for.

This has a really fun, funny, and unique tone, especially for a mothership module. The juxtaposition between the goofy professor and what you need to do to him is pretty funny. 

The art is great, but the layout needs more polish. I think the readability suffers a bit because terms are used before being defined. The Sacrifice and Lightning Curse are mentioned before they're explained, for example. Some minor rearrangement of the text would resolve that.

I also think you need to shrink the pyramid so the text doesn't have to go over it. Maybe shrink it to the bottom middle, put some numbers in the rooms and then have room numbered descriptions arching over it. Like this:

I want to particularly praise a very clear creative voice that I enjoyed seeing from this module. The juice is here for a full release provided some issues with readability primarily on the map are solved for. 

The map itself and the conceit of how the adventure is traversed are particularly fun!