Out of all the entries I've read so far for May Wolf this year, this is easily the one that feels the most like it was typed one-handed. There's nothing inherently wrong with having a horny story, but in this particular case I feel like the horny overshadowed everything else and left the project feeling a bit shallow.
Let's break it down further:
Implementation of Theme:
Yeah, I think you covered the bases here. It's a bit thin, like pretty much everything else in the VN, but you created a legend/belief for Solus' tribe and successfully integrated that into the narrative. Solus prays to the moon for help, the moon provides help in an unexpected way, and it's not through death like he originally believed, but he does get to go to the moon to experience paradise, with "paradise" here meaning getting to nut on dudes in peace. Neat. Good enough to meet the "folklore" requirement for me.
Presentation:
This was easily the VN's strongest area, but it did have a few hiccups as well. The artist absolutely killed it with the sprites and CGs here; I thought the art style was really appealing, and the sprites were solidly expressive. There were some additional details, like the blinking eyes, that aren't necessarily common for jam entries, so that was great to see.
However, there were a few places where I felt the sprites weren't used as effectively as they could have been. You have such a good expression for Solus looking scared during his first interaction with Lucius, but you barely use this at all when he's being stalked by a predator in the ominous woods. It really feels like the terror should have been used for the direwolf and the sort of tense, cautious stare should have been used for waking up with Lucius. You already have the art, it's just a matter of deploying it in the right places.
Same goes for SFX - when we start the encounter with the direwolf, Solus comments, "I'm not sure what kind of animal could make that sound." It's literally just a howl though. It doesn't even really sound threatening. But then you have really animalistic, almost distorted snarl you use later, and that seems much more fitting for the line and would build the tension better.
There were also quite a few proofreading issues here (perhaps related to the "one-handed" comment above) though nothing really inhibited my understanding, and there was a mistake with Solus' sprite leading into the sex scene. The text describes Lucius reaching into Solus' shirt, but his sprite already had his shirt off for some time. I'm wondering if when going through the script you read the line about the shirt blowing away in the wind and confused the shirt covering his legs with the one he was actually wearing when you went in and added the sprites.
Last note here, there's also an error that displays at one point, "Image 'bg black' not found". Presumably this was meant to be a black screen, and there was a black screen anyway, so it didn't impact much, but I just wanted to flag that.
Story/Writing/Creativity:
Yeah I'm just kinda mashing all these together here because they're pretty related for this entry.
To be blunt, this is about as basic as it gets for a May Wolf entry. Guy is sad and alone; guy is rescued by sexy male wolf; guy immediately falls for sexy male wolf; luckily sexy male wolf is gay and also immediately attracted to guy; they bone; happily ever after.
Look, I'm not judging your fantasy here. If all you're looking for is a steamy sex scene where you get swept off your feet by the hot, yoked, foreign guy, more power to you. However, I would contend that the sex may be even hotter if we had some characters to dig into.
Right now, the actual character development, or even definition, for Solus and Lucius is practically nonexistent. Solus is meek and gay, Lucius is charming and gay. That's really it. Like, the one bit of backstory we get for Solus is turning his back on Clive, a pretty uncool act which he never really has to answer for or contend with.
Actually, let's spare a thought for Clive for a second. You go through your own gay awakening, you fool around with the other gay guy in town, and you get caught. You're getting exiled, but hey, it's alright, maybe your lover will come wi- oh, no, he sold you out, guess you're on your own. And then the guy that screwed you over gets to hook up with the hot wolf guy, immediately thinks about how much better the wolf's dick is than yours the whole time, and gets to go to gay furry heaven while you get eaten by a grue in the woods or whatever.
#JusticeForClive
There's a comment below that argues that you spend too much time fleshing out the setting, but I actually disagree. If anything, I feel like the worldbuilding is pretty half-baked here. Like... we hear that the village needs able-bodied men for a war, but this is literally never mentioned again. The village sends Solus out on his own, but this makes no sense. Even if they don't care if he dies, why would you not send someone with him to report back if he does? Otherwise what's the point of scouting in the first place? Why do the moon folks want to come back to the planet? How'd they get to the moon in the first place? If they have space travel, how do they not have probes or drones that they could use to determine the extent of sapient life on the planet? If the moon people had never been to the planet before, how are they communicating? I could keep going, but I think you get the idea.
There are ways that you could tinker with the story to fix a lot of its issues. Instead of opening with a NVL mode exposition dump, have Solus investigate the forest with another soldier from the village. Convey attitudes, emotions, and background through the conversation they have with each other. They can encounter the dire wolf, at which point the other soldier flees back to the village and leaves Solus to die as a distraction. Solus feels betrayed by this, breaking his last bond with home and making going to the moon a much easier decision later. Lucius, who is on the planet to silently scout, sees what happened and breaks mission parameters to save Solus, showing he has a strong moral compass that can surpass his sense of duty. When you do have Lucius and Solus interact, let that conversation breathe. Let them actually get to know each other and find common ground, build chemistry before you get into boners and abs.
Those are just suggestions, but the point is that there are ways you can elevate your story beyond just revolving around a steamy sex scene, and should you choose to keep writing, your VNs will be better for it.
On that note, this looks like it may have been your first project, and I want to emphasize that this wasn't terrible or anything, and you shouldn't take all the feedback personally. I do this for everyone. This VN was fairly basic and generic, but I think it does give you a good foundation to build on, and I do hope you stick with it to see how you develop.
Final score of, eh, I don't know, 6 Clives out of 9 Cusslers.