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Peepers's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| How well are the themes utilized? | #9 | 3.651 | 4.000 |
| Overall | #11 | 3.149 | 3.450 |
| How stylish does this one-shot visually look? | #11 | 2.739 | 3.000 |
| How well are design principles used to create a fun one-shot? | #12 | 3.286 | 3.600 |
| How legible and easy-to-understand is this mission? | #12 | 2.921 | 3.200 |
Ranked from 5 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
Which RPG system(s) is this for?
Mothership
How did you use the mandatory theme "Side Effects May Include"?
Eye leeches that grant thermal vision
Which hard mode challenges did you do?
Single sheet adventure
What do you want comments/critiques to focus on?
Anything is fine. Art and layout are not my strengths.
How harsh do you want people to critque your submission?
Normal amount
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Comments
I really like the flowchart room map – though the readability thereof could be improved. Maybe having corridors plotted out and doors marked? It's a bit unclear what the connective tissue between each room is. But it still being in three columns is really nice.
I like how constrained this is, it's a clear in-and-out. At the same time, this feels like it's unlikely this would challenge the characters? The failing all SAN saves would add... 3d5 stress, so 9 stress? With average SAN saves, maybe 6 stress. Though as a part of longer campaign the gain from a quick oneshot would be meaningful, of course. All to say, might want to add a panic save and some more stress, maybe.
But overall, a great way to add substance to the body mods, expanding that part of rules beyond "you can buy them." Useful and usable.
I really like the flowchart room map – though the readability thereof could be improved. Maybe having corridors plotted out and doors marked? It's a bit unclear what the connective tissue between each room is. But it still being in three columns is really nice.
I like how constrained this is, it's a clear in-and-out. At the same time, this feels like it's unlikely this would challenge the characters? The failing all SAN saves would add... 3d5 stress, so 9 stress? With average SAN saves, maybe 6 stress. Though as a part of longer campaign the gain from a quick oneshot would be meaningful, of course. All to say, might want to add a panic save and some more stress, maybe.
But overall, a great way to add substance to the body mods, expanding that part of rules beyond "you can buy them." Useful and usable.
I really like the flowchart room map – though the readability thereof could be improved. Maybe having corridors plotted out and doors marked? It's a bit unclear what the connective tissue between each room is. But it still being in three columns is really nice.
I like how constrained this is, it's a clear in-and-out. At the same time, this feels like it's unlikely this would challenge the characters? The failing all SAN saves would add... 3d5 stress, so 9 stress? With average SAN saves, maybe 6 stress. Though as a part of longer campaign the gain from a quick oneshot would be meaningful, of course. All to say, might want to add a panic save and some more stress, maybe.
But overall, a great way to add substance to the body mods, expanding that part of rules beyond "you can buy them." Useful and usable.
The invitation/instruction for the characters to directly subject themselves to the procedure during the heist puts a fun spin on things.
This is certainly personal preference, but I'm not a fan of such sparse guidance for readers or players - the flowchart style looks really cool and stark and the icons are a nice touch, but I don't like having to piece together the flow, and the limiting boxes make for dense blocks of text. The whitespace left due to the layout could have been used for explanation in a more pedestrian layout.
Feels like some of the 'feel' of the scenario (before the climax, at least) relies on the product description - info on the project page that isn't in the document. Maybe some of that could go under the title on the cover?
As much as I'd love to add more detail and explanation, every single word has to fight for its life in a trifold. I think this is ~1300 words in total. I experimented with adding more words than that, but it tends to make the page look too dense overall, especially when printed. It seems to be pretty standard practice for Mothership scenarios in my somewhat limited experience. To address the layout stuff like the whitespace, I went out of my way to avoid a more pedestrian wall of text.
I totally get the personal preference on wanting more guidance for readers and players, and it may just be that you are not the intended audience here (which is fine!). Mothership is an OSR-style game, where the GM and players are expected to improv and fill in the gaps themselves. Totally understandable that the trifold format is not for everyone, and it can be disorienting if you're used to traditional RPG scenarios that are multiple pages long. It's a different vibe for sure!
The product page description hopefully one day gets turned into a handout brochure in a round of post-jam polish, but I did not have time before the jam deadline to do anything besides write the text.
Either way, I appreciate the feedback!
I like the adventure over-all! I'm a little confused about the elevator in the map. The description says there's 3 buttons (Clinic, Reception, R&D) yet it seems to go to 5 places (Clinic, Reception, Morgue, OR, Processing). I'm also not seeing an R&D room? Not sure if I'm interpreting that correctly.
Random layout idea: You could play around with color coding the lines of the map with the color of keycard required? And maybe bolding and coloring the badge cards in the descriptions? just so you can see it at a glance. Could be cool, could be nothing, haha.
The Morgue and Processing (and the server room) are in the basement. Must not have translated well from my head to the page. I prefer to avoid color to keep things accessible.
Password: peepers