You asked for brutally honest, so...here goes.

Psychic zombie aliens on a seemingly abandoned paradise planet? Haven't seen that one before. (/s)  And poetry snippets? This is a RPG jam, not art class. They don't add anything meaningful of value. It's not like they are read to the players. I do like the color palette, diagrams, and art, though. Minimalist but classy.

I would have preferred you spend a few more words on a less flat opening. It already clocks in at 11 pages, and a radio transmission, email, or a self-recorded videotape would have been fine. The player hook is sort of left up to the GM to improvise, which is lazy writing in a scenario this long. Also, the NPC names are obtuse, and the NPCs are just...filler. Kinda lame to not even make them unique.

Asking players to secretly answer questions is a recipe for disaster in a lot of RPG groups, but ok, I guess that could work.

This feels like it sort of ends abruptly. I guess the players are like...already mostly psychic alien blanks or something and can decide to blow everything up? It kinda reads like a 10-page railroad. There's some potential there, but it's not really scary. It's like the scenario is trying so hard to be deep, but like...it isn't.

You'd be better off turning this into a short story and not making players interact through this. There's no agency, no meaningful choice, and it's just a vibe piece for edgy art students who play RPGs and like sci-fi. This is what I consider to be the worst kind of RPG scenario, where a short story is translated into a scenario with zero regard for how the players want to tell their own story and turns your RPG group into unpaid amateur actors improv-ing their way through your script.

You asked for brutally honest, so...here goes.

Psychic zombie aliens on a seemingly abandoned paradise planet? Haven't seen that one before. (/s)  And poetry snippets? This is a RPG jam, not art class. They don't add anything meaningful of value. It's not like they are read to the players. I do like the color palette, diagrams, and art, though. Minimalist but classy.

I would have preferred you spend a few more words on a less flat opening. It already clocks in at 11 pages, and a radio transmission, email, or a self-recorded videotape would have been fine. The player hook is sort of left up to the GM to improvise, which is lazy writing in a scenario this long. Also, the NPC names are obtuse, and the NPCs are just...filler. Kinda lame to not even make them unique.

Asking players to secretly answer questions is a recipe for disaster in a lot of RPG groups, but ok, I guess that could work.

This feels like it sort of ends abruptly. I guess the players are like...already mostly psychic alien blanks or something and can decide to blow everything up? It kinda reads like a 10-page railroad. There's some potential there, but it's not really scary. It's like the scenario is trying so hard to be deep, but like...it isn't.

You'd be better off turning this into a short story and not making players interact through this. There's no agency, no meaningful choice, and it's just a vibe piece for edgy art students who play RPGs and like sci-fi. This is what I consider to be the worst kind of RPG scenario, where a short story is translated into a scenario with zero regard for how the players want to tell their own story and turns your RPG group into unpaid amateur actors improv-ing their way through your script.

I'm rather enamored by the memory manipulation, especially the first bit with the disappearing extra scouts was nice, and having the PCs regroup each "phase" does allow a clear step in tension. It also makes a convenient narrative justification for keeping the game running smoothly, and I think it works here. Ditto for books and screens, keeps the ball rolling for a one-shot, but feels creepy and scary.

The horror feels horrific, and the whole of the adventure seems like a good one shot!

I don't have any personal experience with thematic or mechanical memory manipulation in RPGs because it requires so much buy-in from players, so I wont comment much on that aspect. Mostly I'll focus on the visuals of the module.

The representation of the phantoms on page 4 is an excellent way to show a reader exactly what the creatures look like without needing lengthy and overly complicated explanations. And the symbols on the final page also look great. I can perfectly imagine laying these out in front of players and evoking curiosity immediately and drawing people into wanting to interact with them. Fantastic invitations to play, both of them. The maps are simple and clean, they leave little room for misinterpretation with clear labeling and make it very easy to visualize the spaces. I just wish more of the module brought as much visual clarity and interest. Bullet points and list formatting own so much space on the pages and creates a lot of waste and blank area. I can see in my mind with just a little tweaking of the image sizes and text structuring being able to let it all come together into something really striking and delightful to read.

I don't have any personal experience with thematic or mechanical memory manipulation in RPGs because it requires so much buy-in from players, so I wont comment much on that aspect. Mostly I'll focus on the visuals of the module.

The representation of the phantoms on page 4 is an excellent way to show a reader exactly what the creatures look like without needing lengthy and overly complicated explanations. And the symbols on the final page also look great. I can perfectly imagine laying these out in front of players and evoking curiosity immediately and drawing people into wanting to interact with them. Fantastic invitations to play, both of them. The maps are simple and clean, they leave little room for misinterpretation with clear labeling and make it very easy to visualize the spaces. I just wish more of the module brought as much visual clarity and interest. Bullet points and list formatting own so much space on the pages and creates a lot of waste and blank area. I can see in my mind with just a little tweaking of the image sizes and text structuring being able to let it all come together into something really striking and delightful to read.

There's a lot of good ideas in this adventure, and I think if I ran it my group and I would have a good time. That said there are a lot of aspects that I found confusing as I read it that I'd need to resolve as the GM before running this.

I recommend taking another pass at the "Where are we" section. This is the most important section for GMs to get their bearings on what the core of the adventure is about. As it stands it makes a lot of statements and then immediately contradicts them, so as a reader it was hard to tell what was actually going on. 

I LOVE the vision and memory tables. They're an awesome idea for a table to roll on. However, I'd add some guidance on when to roll on them. 

Lastly, what are the "Fracture and Reform" sections? When do I implement these? Do all the characters experience these effects any time they go down a level? If so, and I've lost my memories by the time I got to the bottom why would I stop the transmission?