This was a lot of fun. It's a cute little story with a good message underpinning it and some fun supernatural elements. I'd be interested to see where you go with it. I like how it's pretty obvious that Ophelia has self esteem issues too but Amelia doesn't realize it because she's caught up in her own problems. I hope the full game explores that a bit, not just the
I kept thinking this was going to be a branching paths story but it doesn't seem to be. What if I didn't wear the costume on the second day? What if I decided to duck out after Ophelia left me alone at school the first day and pretended to be sick? What if I misremembered the path to school from day 1 and took a wrong turn while running in the nightmare world? Or what if I forgot to look both ways for cars in the nightmare and got hit? What if I failed to hide from the monster? So many cool things to consider if you wanted to go that way.
It was a little hard to follow who was speaking in the dialogue. Maybe you could add a nameplate to the textbox, or change the dialogue color to match the person. Some of the dialogue was a little confusing at times too, but I'd say that's mostly because of the translation being a little rough in spots. I didn't get that the boy was giving me a little casket until I came home and saw it on the desk. Also in English at least here in the US the word "casket" refers pretty much exclusively to a coffin, so that felt like it had a threatening subtext I don't think it was supposed to. The conversation with the boys on day 2 where they make fun of you for wearing a costume seemed pretty weird because they said I "always" change my image and I'm wearing another costume "again." Isn't this the second day of school? I don't think they know Amelia well enough to make that kind of assumption.
The game's a little unpolished still, of course, but the story gripped me from start to finish, so I'm looking forward to seeing what more you do with this.
I’ll tell you in advance that I have some problems in English and these problems can be in my response, like they’ve been in a game. Initially all text was written in Russian and then it was translated in English by myself and sometimes with Google Translate. I’m still trying to refresh my knowledge :)
Casket of Nightmares was planned such linear, so I didn’t thought about all “what if”, but it has too many space to complement the game, except of first day because Ophelia always watches the player.
Initially I thought to make portraits in dialogues, but I was afraid of it’ll be less space for text, espicially in Russian due to huge width of symbols. Nameplates could be good solution if portraits don’t work out.
About “casket” word. I used this word in “box” (like music box) meaning and didn’t know that “casket” can mean “coffin”. A boy uses more poetic style and calls the box a casket. Thanks for clarification!
Amelia, main character, changes her image not the first time and it was spoken in monologue (black screen with text) between dream at the first day and awakening at the next day in game. I didn’t have a lot of time to make other images, but a day with her new image isn’t the second day at school.
A game is still in development and it won’t be completed soon. Thank you very much for your review, ideas, and error messages!
Comments
This was a lot of fun. It's a cute little story with a good message underpinning it and some fun supernatural elements. I'd be interested to see where you go with it. I like how it's pretty obvious that Ophelia has self esteem issues too but Amelia doesn't realize it because she's caught up in her own problems. I hope the full game explores that a bit, not just the
I kept thinking this was going to be a branching paths story but it doesn't seem to be. What if I didn't wear the costume on the second day? What if I decided to duck out after Ophelia left me alone at school the first day and pretended to be sick? What if I misremembered the path to school from day 1 and took a wrong turn while running in the nightmare world? Or what if I forgot to look both ways for cars in the nightmare and got hit? What if I failed to hide from the monster? So many cool things to consider if you wanted to go that way.
It was a little hard to follow who was speaking in the dialogue. Maybe you could add a nameplate to the textbox, or change the dialogue color to match the person. Some of the dialogue was a little confusing at times too, but I'd say that's mostly because of the translation being a little rough in spots. I didn't get that the boy was giving me a little casket until I came home and saw it on the desk. Also in English at least here in the US the word "casket" refers pretty much exclusively to a coffin, so that felt like it had a threatening subtext I don't think it was supposed to. The conversation with the boys on day 2 where they make fun of you for wearing a costume seemed pretty weird because they said I "always" change my image and I'm wearing another costume "again." Isn't this the second day of school? I don't think they know Amelia well enough to make that kind of assumption.
The game's a little unpolished still, of course, but the story gripped me from start to finish, so I'm looking forward to seeing what more you do with this.
Thanks for a detailed review!❤
I’ll tell you in advance that I have some problems in English and these problems can be in my response, like they’ve been in a game. Initially all text was written in Russian and then it was translated in English by myself and sometimes with Google Translate. I’m still trying to refresh my knowledge :)
Casket of Nightmares was planned such linear, so I didn’t thought about all “what if”, but it has too many space to complement the game, except of first day because Ophelia always watches the player.
Initially I thought to make portraits in dialogues, but I was afraid of it’ll be less space for text, espicially in Russian due to huge width of symbols. Nameplates could be good solution if portraits don’t work out.
About “casket” word. I used this word in “box” (like music box) meaning and didn’t know that “casket” can mean “coffin”. A boy uses more poetic style and calls the box a casket. Thanks for clarification!
Amelia, main character, changes her image not the first time and it was spoken in monologue (black screen with text) between dream at the first day and awakening at the next day in game. I didn’t have a lot of time to make other images, but a day with her new image isn’t the second day at school.
A game is still in development and it won’t be completed soon. Thank you very much for your review, ideas, and error messages!