Some of the writing is bad. "In the distance, the main building looms over the rest, like an authoritarian grandmother looking down upon her grandchildren." This is bland and abstract. It does not say anything. I am going to give an example of how I would describe the building and I want to know if you see a difference. "The main building loomed over the rest. The shadowy face was dark and imposing. The gothic inspirations almost made it feel vamperic. Just looking at it was suffocating. But it was also warm. It reminded Mubina of her grandmother." 

  Some of the writing is good. "If she stood in the same spot for more than twenty seconds, the soles of her shoes might melt into the smooth concrete walkway, which would be a shame." That is great. 10/10. I think there is more bland writing than there is interesting writing. 

 "Between the bricks lurked possibility and intrigue." Great line. What does it mean? I am not going to list all of them but a lot of little things stood out to me as odd. "Happy belated birthday by one day. You are making my 17 year old joints ache. The only place that seems to defy it thus far is the generic kitchen." Last one "Huh, you never told me about your life at the academy before." Who talks like that? She could have said "Really? What was it like at the academy?" "I can barely share a house with two sisters it must have been hard sharing a room with three girls?" Or she just could not say anything. Her interjection adds nothing to the story. Mubina's follow up does not make sense either. She proceeds to talk about the academy NOT her life at the academy. The writing is very clumsy and borderline nonsensical. It is obvious you are a new writer. You mistake exposition for storytelling. I didn't finish the game. I couldn't. I tried. I think I made it pretty far and I could not tell you what the story is about. It seemed like things were just kind of happening. I don't actually know anything about Mubina. I wish I could give constructive feedback, but I honestly have no idea what kind of story you are trying to tell.