5/5

I love a good psycho I hope he strangles me and chops my body :3

Hm... gonna be blunt, this story had a weak beginning. It felt like it was going to be the traditional meet cute story where the romance progresses way too quickly and the characters don't feel like real people at all. The CGs were nice enough, but there just wasn't anything to make this VN stand out. That is, until they decided to go to the elementary school play. That really is a fucking weird place for a date, man. But then Tom showed up, and the story finally got interesting. There's suddenly a lot more to get invested into, such as the fact that Ren might not be such a good person after all. Even when he gets back into the romantic groove with Lucan, it remains interesting because Lucan's naivety starts to become more significant and there are actual stakes now. It's a bit of a shame it ends right after it got interesting, but that's a good sign that you should continue this. I'd love to see where the story goes from here.

It’s hard for me to comment on the story here given that this is still unfinished - the story is interesting and promising, and it does what it sets out to do well, but I can’t really say whether it’s good or not until we see where it leads - especially with how this does seem like it’ll ultimately be a short story.

What I can do is commend a variety of things that I think this VN does well - first up, the music! I thought it was really nice, and worked well to set the mood. Character-wise, I think Ren is a great example of a character who’s very enthralling - you know dealing with them is a bad idea, but you can’t help but be intrigued by them. I think their sprite also contributes to this a ton - at first I was confused slightly by just how dark their fur is, because it makes it hard to really tell what their pose is, but it really contributes to the idea that they’re this sort of… deep, endless abyss that Lucan can’t help but be drawn into.

But, like I said… it’s hard to tell where it’ll go, at this stage. Especially with a story like this, it feels like a lot hinges on the ending - and even for an unfinished game, it feels like this one leaves at quite an unsatisfying point (in part because what we do have is so good). As such, I’ll have to wait before giving a verdict on this story - but know that I did really enjoy what is here!

I wanna start off by saying that I am more than excited for an eventual continuation of this story. I think both Ren and Lucan are extremely interesting characters, because they're so diametrically opposed. Lucan feels like a much more down-to-Earth type character. He lives a boring life; he goes to work and comes back to an empty home with nothing to do. He's under constant pressure from his mother to continue his business name, and she's singularly focused on that sole objective, while his wife is likely running around and cheating behind his back. Ren is, instead, a much more enigmatic force-of-nature type character. Everything they do is painted with a veneer of feeling all too friendly, like they're looking for something to poke and prod at in every conversation. What they say, what they do- it's nearly impossible to tell where the thin line of truth begins and ends with Ren, and I felt like, at some point in the stories' future, we're going to be goaded into believing the truth is just another lie.

I'm interested to see the folklore theme of The Boy Who Cried Wolf be explored more in the future, but as it stands right now, it feels more like an addendum attached to the end of the story to qualify for the Jam Theme. To be fair, though, I don't really think 'matching the theme' matters, as long as the story is good, and what's here is definitely intriguing. I especially loved that, because Lucan sees absolutely zero affection in his daily life, he becomes the perfect target for someone like Ren- who, otherwise, I felt like had their red-flags extremely well telegraphed before the reveal in the bathroom. Lucan is so desperate for affection, he ignores those red-flags and jumps straight into the beast's paws (HE'S JUST LIKE ME FR). Regardless, I also liked that I wasn't really able to keep up with Ren, even knowing that there was probably something deeper beneath the surface. It kept them more than interesting, and I'm excited to see where their plan goes next.

Presentation is definitely the game's strongest suit. The art is extremely vibrant and expressive, and the bathroom scene was a major highlight, both in writing and visuals. I'm not a big fan of the text being so slow, which seemed like a symptom of having so many lines just skip straight on by, which seems to be a common complaint. I think it should be used a bit more sparingly, because otherwise players have to either scroll back a line or two, or have to open the history menu, which does your excellent writing a disservice imo. 

I'm very excited to see how Jane Doe ends, because this is a very strong start.

Well let's start off here by confirming that you should absolutely go ahead and send it on Part 2 - this was a great hook and I'd love to see it concluded. That said, these are always tough to judge for the jam. What's there is good, great even at times, but it's hard to evaluate something as a story when only half the story is there and the VN practically cuts off mid-thought. 

To the extent that we can though, let's get into it:

Implementation of Theme:

I mean... kinda? There's at least a reference to "The Boy That Cried Wolf" towards the end of the build, but there's not really much building on that here, at least not yet. You have a comment response below stating that there's supposed to be more building on that theme in the back half of the story, and yeah that makes sense for sure, but as far as assessing what's currently present in the text, it's a bit sparse. I think the idea, with the focus on lies, is that Ren has an MO of baiting and blackmailing rich people for their money. They lied to Tom, and they lied before Tom, but are they lying to Lucan? Or is the "wolf" really there this time? Maybe I'm losing the metaphor, but, like, I can see it, it's just not all there yet.

Presentation:

Art and sound are pretty good here! The sound is subtle, to the point where I wasn't noticing it much for better or worse, but I never felt taken out of a scene by misplaced music or awkward silence so that's definitely a positive. There are a few different art styles at play here and I think they're all effective - the sketchy closeups for Lucan in the intro and Ren in the alley, the sudden shift in palette and detail when Ren realizes they're with Tom, and the softer sorta watercolor-y (I am not a visual artist and it shows, I'm sorry) sprites for Ren all do excellent work in conveying tone and the general unease that permeates the VN. 

Text was a bit more hit-and-miss here. Quite a few typos, mistakes in names (the Lisa/Jane one is big, but there's also at least one line that's supposed to be Lucan's that's attributed to Ren), and some really inconsistent uses of quotation marks in dialogue (including at the end of narration lines for some reason?) suggest this definitely could've used another proofreading pass, but I also understand that getting things polished on jam timelines is difficult, especially when the story itself isn't even done yet.

As others have pointed out, this VN went a bit overboard with the mid-line cuts. I was a bit confused why the default text speed was set so slow, but maybe that was why. Regardless, those quick cuts can be effective, but are most effective when used sparingly. The number of times this was done here got a bit tedious, and for some of the occurrences I'm not even sure why it would have been used. Like why does "I stand up too." need to be a quick cut? Might be worth pointing out that you can indicate someone is getting cut off in conversation by just adding a dash or something rather than using the actual Renpy modifier, and you can save the latter for particularly important sequences.

Story/Writing:

Like I said at the top, it's a bit hard to talk about since we're still firmly in the rising action here, but it's certainly a good hook. I wasn't particularly surprised by the twist (I actually could've sworn the game page outright stated that Ren wasn't totally stable, but it doesn't) but the actual sequence with Tom was really well done. The sudden shift in perspective maybe could have used a bit more signposting since it was sudden and there hadn't been anything like that in the story up to that point, but the sequence was really tense and suspenseful, as well as a great character scene to show just how ruthless and manipulative Ren can be. 

This is the kind of story that's just begging for a second massive curveball though, which makes this so hard to evaluate. As it stands, Lucan is a bit too empty of a character to make it believable that Ren could actually be legitimately interested in him (and don't get me wrong, this isn't a bad thing - this characterization seems pretty clearly intentional to set up Lucan as Ren's ideal mark), but Lucan just walking headlong to his proverbial and/or possibly literal death seems way too simple for what this story has been putting down so far. 

There's also the matter of the title, which to this point doesn't seem to have a connection. We know Lucan is a deer and has a wife named Jane, so there's at least a possibility that there could be a Jane doe (lower case "d", at least). Of course, there might be an as yet unknown connection between Jane and Ren that could play into the "unknown person" meaning of Jane Doe. That could explain how Ren knew how to target Lucan and why they might not actually be trying to screw over Lucan the same way they did Tom. Plus Lucan hasn't known of Jane's whereabouts for quite some time apparently, and maybe that detail about Jane specifically objecting to the chocolate cake isn't entirely irrelevant. This is all most likely totally baseless, but fuck it, Ren is my Pepe Silvia now. 

Creativity:

Yeah, I'd say this is pretty creative so far. There's some really interesting audio/visual direction going on here, and while the "My Wolf Boyfriend to Death" plot might not be the most original high concept, execution really matters the most on this kind of thing and this is a really intriguing start. I don't really have much else to say here; hope we get to see the rest of it.

Final score of 10 ice cubes out of 7 easy Es.

So this is an interesting story. Ren is a very interesting character, acting very particular in a way that sparks attention, while also being very mysterious and charismatic. Lucan is very much the opposite, being forced into a life he didn't want and desperate for any type of affection at all. The twist about Ren works pretty well, and you do feel pretty bad for Lucan by the end. The main problem I have with this VN is that it feels very unfinished. I have read other jam VNs that did end up only part of a greater story, but a lot of them still worked because they still worked on their own. This one, however, felt like it was setting up something that didn't happen, and so it really needs a continuation for it to feel complete. To be fair, the author did say that this is Part 1, so there's likely going to be a continuation soon. As an introduction, it does its job well, but on its own, it's a bit lacking. Some other issues were that it used the {nw} tag a lot, without a wait tag beforehand, which means you have to use the history screen a lot, which doesn't lead to a very intuitive reading experience. The music's good though. The art is also pretty expressive and sets the mood for the story pretty well. For the theme, I have an idea of what part of the story counts as folklore, but I think it's something that the story's leading up to, rather than anything within the story itself, which is unfortunate. I'll definitely be interested in seeing how the story unfolds.

This was... a strange read! Spoilers ahead for the uninitiated.

Most of the VN felt like going through the motions of a typical slice of life meet cute. I must admit, I didn't really pay close attention to the Itch page and jumped into a stream of the game pretty much blind, so I didn't see any warning to know what's in store. However, the very odd vibe of the writing and the visuals made me clock that something is wrong the moment Ren shows up, and that was the biggest strength and what I enjoyed about my read the most.

I must gush about the honey trap that is Ren first, since this VN lives and dies by that. Red flag wolf boyfriends have been a bit of a trope and meme in these circles, but it never really worked for me cause it tends to be used on a man who's usually not really my type, and the red flags are too glaring and menacing. I never find them disarming enough. Ren on the other hand...

Ren is so cute and fluffy, and perfectly weaponises the image of a cute, quirky extrovert partner who adopts the lonely, isolated man who's looking for an adventure. Perfect perpetrator, perfect victim. I like a lot of the subtle (maybe not so subtle, but still subtler than the usual play on this trope) indications that something is... wrong. The moment Ren is introduced, I felt the vibe was off. They wear just a wifebeater in a dark alleyway, they conveniently drop a wallet, the name of that flower shop is foreshadowing 101, the sunlight after the rain illuminates them as a literal red flag, they constantly hide their arms behind their back... And not to speak of the things they say. There's so many moments where they say something that is just slightly wrong, with some pretty big fumbles where the mask slips too much. Still, Ren has the charisma to convince someone who's especially vulnerable to this like Lucan, that this is all part of their eccentric charm! Honestly Ren can sell my kidney on the black market, I don't even care!

Also I find it very funny cause this is the second unhinged florist wolf from a May wolf jam. Something something two nickels.

The writing felt very disorienting and kinda floaty, but that was to its strength. It works really well with Ren as a character and Lucan as the lovestruck fool. There was some fun imagery and flourish used in the prose. The plot was intriguing because as I said, even before the intrigue fully gets revealed, you already have a mystery of trying to figure out why are the vibes so off. The one thing I really disliked was the heavy use of auto-advancing to the next line. I honestly never enjoy when a VN does that, unless they give a pretty generous pause before moving on.

I need this VN to continue and conclude! I need to see where this is going. I am invested in both characters, I want their relationship to work despite that really being a bad idea, and I'm honestly interested for any wild outcome this story could end up with.

Hm hm hmmm, I quite enjoyed this. Just at the front I know some people might be put off from the loosey goosey pronouns used for Ren, but I'm willing to take it as "oh he's a he/they type baddy" which considering their character... well I appreciate it. This pace is pretty fragmented and fast, but I think it works. The music choices are not what I would have made, but I think that they actually lend themselves well to helping with the sort of surreal nature of the game. 

I do have plenty of questions, how is Ren locating their targets, why the hell is a CEO walking to work, they're a compulsive liar and manipulator, so just how much of what they like in Lucan is the truth, etc.. I didn't "fall" for the trap with Ren, so when Tom appeared I wasn't too surprised, but I think that's more to the strength of the writing, giving the feeling of something being off, not just a manic pixie dream girl encounter, but something with an undercurrent of menace. Maybe because Lucan is so naive, or maybe because Ren has these small moments of menace that slip through the cracks, or their statement about lying. I'm curious where the story will go. Part of me hopes Ren's blackmail plan would fail simply because Lucan's family doesn't care enough now that he's served enough of his purpose, but that's my own little crack theory. Where this toxic yaoi goes next, I hope if you haven't started making part 2 already, you do now! I think it's a strong first showing, I absolutely love both the sprite art and the CGs, especially the close ups in the alley, and I can't wait for the rest! 

"I can fix him, I swear!" the novel! But in all seriousness, a very captivating story about abuse, exploitation, and toxic relationships in general. Somehow, it avoided being too heavy, but that might be a consequence of not reaching any big breakdown between the two main characters. I really enjoyed the implications in the dialogue, leading me to speculate about both of the characters' pasts. The art is sublime, especially the very last CG, and the writing works well.

My only criticisms would probably be the slightly clunky dialogue at the very start of the novel, and a feeling that the folklore was more of a last-minute addition. Still, those detract very little from the whole package, and I would consider this entry a great introduction to a story with great potential.

I can see the bud of a truly fascinating story here, and I'm definitely interested in seeing it continue. As it is though, it's... difficult for me to give a proper review, seeing as it feels like we just got a couple vertical slices of a grander narrative. That said, I think that might play into the story's favor. It's a bit of a fever dream, where you always think you know what's going to happen next, but you always wind up just 10 or 15 degrees off the mark. 

I interpret it almost as a trailer you'd see for a film, where you get snippets of the plot fed to you to grab your attention, and want to get the answers to what bridges those gaps by going and seeing it. And, to be perfectly honest, my attention's been grabbed. I'd love to see more!

'Jane Doe' is a drama/thriller about a guy falling in love with a psychopath. And I don't really mean that in a hyperbolic or inflammatory way, it more of what's on the label. It's got the suspense, it's got the drama, it's got me thinking of Beastars in terms of the dynamic between the deer main character and the wolf love interest. It does a good job of leaving the reader on the edge of their seat, but I wonder if it has the hooks to keep folks wanting to come back and see more.

It should be said that this is somewhat of a first act of a larger story, as we get the introduction to the two main characters, we get a meet-cute, and then we get the first date and the first big twist of one of the characters. We've got our main protagonist deer man, Lucan, a dejected CEO/higherup business man who's in a loveless marriage and lacks an emotional support system, meets the love interest wolf, Ren, a quirky, eccentric, and energetic flower shop owner who seems to appear to help bring the brooding, mundane protagonist out of his dark depressing life (literally parting the rainy clouds for a ray of sunshine). Of course, the big twist is that they're actually a manipulative psychopath who's done this before to other men, to blackmail them out of their money or worse. And suddenly, we can't trust anything that this wolf has presented as their personality. Are they really quirky and fun, or is it just a mask so they can get their next fix? Is any of what they say about their melancholic backstory true, or is it just lies to make other people sorry for them to drop their guard? Whether or not this turns into a redemptive romance or a cautionary horror story, well, it's still too early to say, since it's just the first act. That being said, it's a solid start to the narrative and it does make the pit your stomach just fall when you read it.

The presentation is really striking. The combination of close up sketchy outlines for internal monologues, and the simple character sprites make an effective way to convey the mood of a scene. At first I was going to mention how hard it is to make out some of the facial expressions on the wolf, only being to make out the eyes and mouth when they're open, until I got to the twist and realized it was likely on purpose, just to add in that element of not being able to tell what this wolf is thinking. Even as far as them being such an ambiguous gender. It's super solid in the music and atmospheric sound effects. I think it does a few ren'py dialog box tricks where it'll move past a line to show that it's being cut off as you're reading it and the other character is interrupting. It does get a little bit heavy handed with the imagery and the metaphors. The title of the story being "Jane Doe", reference to unidentified victims of crime and with a deer character, the ray of sunshine on the wolf in the rain, the spider lilies of the Dead End Flower Shop. It's just setting up the scene for a 'true crime podcast episode'.

The writing itself is serviceable. The dialog can feel a little bit stiff, and when the big reveal happens, it does get a little bit 'villain monologuing'. I believe the folklore tale that was incorporated into this story is the tale of the 'boy who cried wolf', which is an interesting connection to try to marry to the current plot, as I'm not sure who is the boy in this metaphor. It's a little bit more 'wolf in sheep's clothing' type of tale. Does it feel a little clunky to add into the plot be it only being part of the first date between the two? Kind of. Though I will say that the idea of transforming one of Aesop's classic tales into a contemporary drama story is a cool and creative premise, especially if you're going in aiming for a psychopathic villain type of plot. I don't know if this story quite reaches that mark, if that's what this was aiming for at all. 

Overall, it's a pretty good first timer jam entry. There's a lot of stylization and the art is great. The story will be gripping and interesting for some, but after seeing the reveal, I don't know if I need to read the rest to speculate what might happen. It is only the first act, so I can't give too much on feedback on what can or should happen should you continue to work on this and expand this to it's full conclusion. I'd say the biggest questions for me story wise, are eventually wanting to find out what the motivation and goal of Ren is, seems like this might be shrouded in mystery on purpose though. What's to become of Lucan, both in physical and emotional health. And what's the thematic through-line that this story is meant to have? Is it that blind trust is a virtue? That the meek shall be consumed by the wicked? Can someone be called wicked if it is just their base nature? Does everyone truly get what's coming to them? If you were hoping to make this more of a cliffhanger, I would suggest keeping the cards closer to your chest, maybe have the confrontation in the alley way just be another opportunity to sow uncertainty with Lucan walking in on the situation and getting two conflicting stories. Just something to keep in mind.

The title threw me off a bit, but will probably be resolved in the (upcoming?) 2nd part. Great art, cute dialogue, and a decently fresh take on romance (or lack thereof) from an executive's POV. The plot jumps over a lot of the romantic development, so the transition from introductions to first date felt a bit jarring. Interested to see what comes next!

Very gripping. I didn't know what to think of Ren when the story started, as they read to me as a run of the mill "quirky" character. However, that scene with Tom really caught me by surprise in a really good way.

I don't have much to say as this VN is unfinished, but I look forward to more!

Intriguing  and mysterious! Well written, well thought out. Surprises and mystery, yes I'd like to see this turn to a full VN! 
Ren is full of mystery,  Lucan's just as full of mystery, this will be a great story to unfold. As for the part with Tom..... wow, more surprises. 

⭐⭐⭐⭐

For most of its runtime, I really fell for Jane Doe's trick, and that is the best way of consuming this story. This is a project that opens on an uninspired "Manic Pixie Dream Wolf" narrative on purpose and I really expected it to only titter on the edge of having themes. However, when that one scene comes, it recontextualises not only the character at the core of the twist, but the MC's journey leading to their encounter. A teasing nature permeates lot of the VN, actually. To me, this shows the writer's skill of leading players one way before pulling the rug from under them in the most satisfying manner. There are small issues with the writing—inconsistent pronouns for one character, several line skips that go by too fast, typos, etc.—but all problems that can be resolved with a second pass. Part of me wishes this was a part of a bigger, more dramatic narrative, but the snippet of this relationship we do get is far from unrewarding as an experience.