*Checks notes.*
*Looks back up at screen.*
*Checks notes again.*
This was your first try? Well damn, okay.
I have a few gripes here and there, because I hate fun and always do, but especially for a first attempt this was a staggering home run and it's honestly one of my favorites of the jam.
Breaking things down by criteria:
Implementation of Theme:
Sure, I think this meets the ask. I've mentioned in a couple other D&D entry reviews that fantasy on its own doesn't necessarily qualify as "folklore", but this VN solves that issue by making the campaign based around Arthurian legend rather than generic high fantasy. If I had a complaint here (at least in regards to this specific category) it would be that the folklore aspect matters much more for the B-plot (the campaign itself) as opposed to the A-plot of the actual people, especially Tyler, participating in the campaign. Even with that though, the two halves are intertwined enough with the game being a reflection of the cast's struggles and interpersonal dynamics that I don't think it's really a problem.
Presentation:
This was really good! I liked the music choices a lot here, as well as the various sound effects that you incorporated. Using italics as well as little dice roll effects was a great way of denoting when someone was taking a game-related action instead of general roleplay without breaking the flow of the narrative, and I thought the shift to black and white in the background and color in the foreground to shoe the game being "paused" was effective as well.
There was a mix of stock and unique assets used here, and I think you got as much mileage out of both as you could. There's no penalty for using the stock assets obviously, since that's what they're there for, but part of me does wish that you were able to provide your own since what was original was so effective. I really enjoyed the expressions for the voice of god and how those came back in stages during the introspective "chapter breaks" and in Tyler's final breakdown before being "rescued" by Tristan.
The manipulation and blocking of the sprites was really great here too, with some really interesting kinetic elements like trying to dig out of the cave, as well as more mundane effects like Tristan's very satisfying tail wag (though this unfortunately tended to be partially obscured by the dialogue box).
The text was well proofread, which is always great to see, and I want to give special props to the termination email. Every part of that was just dripping with sarcastic vitriol, from the placeholder name, to the empty corporate platitudes, to the tone deaf exit survey, and all the way down to the comic sans Bible verse in the signature block. People can point to the sprites and the eyes and the butterfly all they want (and I encourage them to - I also just did), but that email was a work of art.
Story/Writing:
I think one of the best compliments I can give this story is that out of all the D&D-flavored entries I've read for this jam, this is the one that feels the most real. This entry really nails the group dynamic, including the asides, the mistakes, the little petty spats, and the eventual conclusion that despite all the very human speedbumps these people still care for each other in a way that feels distinctly natural (pun intended). Outside of Tyler, the characterization isn't the deepest in the world, but for the scope of the project I think you did a good job of conveying distinct, concrete personalities for the party without getting into too much detail to bog down the narrative.
With that said, I think there were a few parts of the VN where the narrative was getting bogged down in the campaign itself. While the "game" and "real" stories are interconnected, there are parts in the middle of the VN, especially in the post-Josh gameplay segments, where we might be delving too far into the weeds of the campaign. I think I see what you're going for here, with establishing a baseline "normal" for that session to contrast with the eventual arguments and distractions that come later, but I think you still could have gotten there if you had pared the gameplay segments down a bit since the central intrigue of the A-plot did seem to be spinning its wheels for a while.
Before I focus on the A-plot, I thought the scene of Tyler returning from getting the pizza from the delivery driver and overhearing the rest of the party talking about him was a bit contrived. Like even if his friends were really insensitive, which wouldn't really track with how they're portrayed elsewhere, I just don't really believe this group would be dumb enough to start complaining behind Tyler's back in the literal one minute it would take to walk to the front door and back. I wonder if this scene would have been more believable if Tyler was just imagining them talking about him behind his back as he got the pizza as a symptom of his insecurity, rather than another cause.
Turning to the A-plot, I think this VN does a really great job of capturing insecurity and shame, even, and perhaps especially, when those feelings are totally irrational. It's really easy to kind of fold into yourself so as to not be pitied or feel like a burden, and then just keep spiraling without any outlet to keep you level, and I think Tyler captures that phenomenon very well. If there was one point that I think could have used some more stress, it might be the breakup itself, since that seems to be the "butterfly" that set the rest of Tyler's misfortunes into motion, at least according to Tyler for the first 80% or so of the VN. As of right now though, there's barely any mention, if any at all, of Damien between the intro and Tyler's catharsis with Tristan, and this seems a bit odd given the amount of stress placed on the "butterfly" in the interludes.
At first I thought resolving the insecurity plot by having Tyler and Tristan get together romantically was a bit too indulgent, and while I do still think it's indulgent, I don't hate it. I think you did a good job keeping that moment grounded rather than leaning too hard into sappiness and sentimentality, but I do wish there had been a few more hints setting up the romance other than the pit sniffing conversation played for laughs and the fact that this is, indeed, a May Wolf VN.
Creativity:
While I think the constituent building blocks of this narrative (e.g., D&D campaign, exploration of insecurity) aren't necessarily the most groundbreaking plot threads, I also think this VN is well and truly more than the sum of its parts, and the care and detail with which you crafted this narrative is more than enough for me to rate this highly in terms of creativity.
This was a really spectacular effort and I enjoyed this a lot.
Final score of 12 AW101 helicopters out of 5 annoying talking cats from Persona.