There are some good ideas in here, and I like how you interpreted the theme (the art is also very cool). I think it is well written, but you may want to explore how popular published adventures write content. There is no 'one way' but they use things like bullet points, and break up the info into shorter paragraphs to make it easier to run at the table. It looks like this is your first game jam, so congrats on submitting! Keep at it :)