This one has a lot of potential, the prose is strong (albeit purple at times, but I think that is in-keeping with pulp fiction) and the locations described are right at home in Appendix N, additionally the two maps you have provided are simple but effective (side-views are always a fun touch). The implied setting is interesting, but given how many words there are I'd have liked some more concrete context for why this stuff is here, beyond the vagaries of the hooks.
I understand what you were going for when the prose begins to blend with game content more: diagetic but gameable text is great, but it is hard to pull off and I am not sure it lands properly here. The module has strong writing from a technical standpoint but the flowery prose begins to hinder the delivery of information here. The keys could be a lot simpler and still retain their key information & purpose.
I think it largely comes down to presentation/layout: if columns, boxes, italics/text-emphasis was used this would be a lot easier to parse and allow it to shine even more.
This is an interesting one though, some more editing and polishing and it could be a satisfying location to include in a game!