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Simonides6 days ago

This is so good!

I especially like

  • "Triangulation" with ranging for a target, that's a great mechanic to have an organic reason to move around, but feels better than "searching" aimlessly.
  • The factory owners being greedy – though should the info be on the handout? I could see it moved to game master side.
  • Clean locations, easy to run, and a very clear "this is what happened." This feels very runnable.
  • The story is good, with twists and turns on the way. I expect discovering it to be quite fun.

One thing I don't understand fully is the referee instructions for placing the destination and doing water math. Is it a repayability feature? But on first read it had me a bit confused as to why we're going through these steps instead of the location and water amount being predetermined. Maybe it could include default values?

But really solid, this is great work.

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timbot17896 days ago

Thanks for the kind words! I appreciate the keen critiques, they're all things I should think about more. For the factory owners, my thinking for the info on the handout is that this is a mostly "in-universe" document that would be handed to the PCs by whoever sent them on the mission, and the "greedy factory owners" is supposed to be a kind of "look out for bears" warning. But you're right moving it to the GM section would give the GM more freedom in how they want to present those characters, and maybe make events a bit more surprising.

Placing the destination I did because I didn't want to put a coordinate system on the map itself (and then write the coordinates of the secret tile in the GM section). That looked very noisy to me only to be used once. But maybe the result was more confusing. Not sure.

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