Nice work, this is well written and has a great atmosphere. You have set up a really interesting relationship between the reader, the person in the mirror and the Celine character, but I'm curious to see where it goes. It seems like there is a bit of unnecessary back and forth, if the player rejects the mirror and then is sent right back to the mirror, it might feel kind of a pointless tangent, so I would try to make sure each decision leads to a change in the story, even if it loops back to the main story, thats fine, but I would avoid sending the player right back to the same place they just left.
This is looking really good so far. Your story telling is great, but for the first half it felt like I was just reading. That being said once in the house more choices started to pop up and I really liked where things were going. Love to see this get finished.
I would like to see this little adventure completed. The opening hook is long, almost too long to not be illustrated, you wrote that part well, and it really draws the reader in. So much so that when it comes time to actually start making decisions, finding that the story is incomplete from there on really is a disappointment. I'd love to give more feedback, please keep working on this story.
Thank you so, so much. Unfortunately, I am overhauling the premise of this story into something else entirely, but I will definitely keep your feedback in mind. I will announce when I am making changes in the class Discord. I am hoping people can return to my project & play-test it once I publish a more satisfying narrative and gameplay experience.
Comments
Nice work, this is well written and has a great atmosphere. You have set up a really interesting relationship between the reader, the person in the mirror and the Celine character, but I'm curious to see where it goes. It seems like there is a bit of unnecessary back and forth, if the player rejects the mirror and then is sent right back to the mirror, it might feel kind of a pointless tangent, so I would try to make sure each decision leads to a change in the story, even if it loops back to the main story, thats fine, but I would avoid sending the player right back to the same place they just left.
This is looking really good so far. Your story telling is great, but for the first half it felt like I was just reading. That being said once in the house more choices started to pop up and I really liked where things were going. Love to see this get finished.
The story is interesting, unfortunately also incomplete. I'd love to play the finished product, hopefully with some visuals.
I would like to see this little adventure completed. The opening hook is long, almost too long to not be illustrated, you wrote that part well, and it really draws the reader in. So much so that when it comes time to actually start making decisions, finding that the story is incomplete from there on really is a disappointment. I'd love to give more feedback, please keep working on this story.
Thank you so, so much. Unfortunately, I am overhauling the premise of this story into something else entirely, but I will definitely keep your feedback in mind. I will announce when I am making changes in the class Discord. I am hoping people can return to my project & play-test it once I publish a more satisfying narrative and gameplay experience.
Absolutely post a thread in the projects section, that way you can update it over time. And if you run into problems, you can always ask for help.