I think the elements and the idea are already there that create an interesting atmosphere and also an interesting song. However I think the production leaves it a bit behind. Specially when it comes to creating an ambiance and also in creating a feeling of depth. As for right now everything feels rather on the very dry side with not much going on to give each element space. The sounds themself sound interesting, although at times a bit bassy with some. From what I hear it feels like you’ve been after something like Bernard Herrmann, which also leaned on the rather dry sound at times. However there is still much room in there just by the seating and how these scores have been recorded back then. Second thing would be the stereo placement. Everything feels rather mono. and cramped into the center. Specially with the orchestral sounds the seating and stereo positioning feels off at times. I’ll guess that would be the reason with some comments about feeling cramped at times or that there is too much going on. So my personal recommendation would be to get a inner picture on where each instrument should appear. represented by their placement on the stage, with elements more into the background having a more roomy sound (judging by the screenshot this would be specially the case for the strings where it is just one instance. I would recommend using one instance per seating/player so for strings Vio1, vio2, viol, cell, bass so the can be processed and panned differently also it avoids adding too much voices per instrument). Additionally, and specially with with FM-like synth sounds like your koto and Ethereal Earth, would need some reverb or any additional effect like modulation or delay to actually sound really good.
None the less it was still an interesting listen.
Execution. 3/5
Vibe/Atmosphere. 3/5
Composition. 4/5
Listenability. 3/5
Correlation to Theme. 4/5
Generally I think the production side is what held it back the most