Very cool concept. I think it needs some work on the execution, but I can hear what you're going for and I really want to hear more of it, but with more refinement and polish.
This goes for the composition and mix, like some of the sounds are still a little harsh and not mixed super spatially. I.e. you really want to hear that delay between the left and right ear to simulate the position in space, IMHO. That is what makes a composition like this really stand out more.
Very cool idea and very good work. Keep working on your sound, I really like where it is heading. Foxhyode gives really good feedback if you ask for it, though he sometimes holds back during jams. I'd definitely post this in the critique your work to get some pointers, because I think a lot of the things needed to take this track to the next level is going to take a good ear.
Great job!