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ADVANCED WEDDING RECEPTION SIMULATOR is out. It’s a new native Game Boy Advance game, written in C, and you can play it free in your browser or download the ROM.

https://orbit-leisure.itch.io/advanced-wedding-reception-simulator

You are Barry, father of the bride, at the wedding of Kevin and Denise. The speeches are over, the buffet is open and DJ Dave has put on a record. Somebody has to start the conga, and it is going to be you.

It’s Snake crossed with a rhythm game. Steer the conga round the light-up dance floor, dance through the guests to add them to the line, and press A on every fourth beat to kick. The room shouts HEY, and a long streak doubles and then trebles your points. Don’t go off the floor, into a table or into your own conga. Uncle Derek is in the red suit. He is not to be collected. The night ends at midnight, when the taxis come.

• Four records to dance to, including “Last Bus to Nuneaton” by Los Nuneatons
• About three minutes a night, and DJ Dave speeds up as the room fills
• A Top Table of your five best nights, kept in the browser
• An Audio Sync setting, so the kick matches your speakers or headphones
• Keyboard, gamepad or touch: the on-screen buttons appear on phones and tablets

It comes from Orbit Leisure, a small British software house that has been “publishing” games since 1983. The rest of the catalogue, including some ZX Spectrum games, is on our itch.io page and at orbit-leisure.co.uk.

Any feedback is very welcome, especially on the kick timing and how it plays on phones.

TONIGHT: THE DES TRICKETT MAGIC SHOW

 Five tricks. Fourteen people in the audience. No wires.*

 Volunteers required to operate a stage saw under conditions the insurers describe as “adequate”.

 Play free: orbit-leisure.itch.io/des-trickett... 

 *The wire remains a rumour.

Staff should not be reviewing their own product

Thank you for recording this. The footage has been passed to Quality, who confirm that the field, drains and general lack of assistance from the foreman are all functioning as supplied. Your report will be kept on file.

Your recording has been viewed by the office and found substantially accurate. The goat remains disputed

MIND THE DRAINS is out, catalogue number 012, for the ZX Spectrum 128K. It will load on a 48K as well; it just makes less noise. It was nearly called SENSIBLE DRAINAGE, but there are enough Sensibles on the shelf already.

The council's survey plan is from 1953 and some of the manhole covers have gone. Walk the field and count. The number on each square tells you how many open drains touch it. Stand in one and you lose a hard hat. Survey lamps show you the drains nearby and send home anyone standing next to you. The foreman will not stop for you. The resident comes looking for you. The goat is not ours and we cannot take it back.

https://orbit-leisure.itch.io/mind-the-drains

WHAT IS IN THE BOX

• The game, playable in your browser on this page, in an emulated 128K Spectrum with AY sound
• A choice of loading: the real tape at the real speed (about three and a half minutes, as it was), or QUICK LOAD for those with somewhere to be
• drains.tap, a proper Spectrum tape image for your emulator, or for real hardware if you still have the machine in the loft

AN APOLOGY Several purchasers have written in to say that MIND THE DRAINS is a good game. We would like to reassure customers that this was not intentional. It was written to the usual house standard, and something has gone wrong between the office and the duplicating machine. Mr Woods has been spoken to. A corrected version is not planned.

Faults, new titles and further apologies go up on the firm's noticeboards on X (@OrbitLeisure) and Bluesky (@orbitleisure.bsky.social). The rest of the catalogue is at https://orbit-leisure.co.uk.

— THE OFFICE