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i can't pinpoint where exactly but i think you got disconnected from the story somewhere in the middle. it is either that or it wasn't that thought about. the first several chapters were very immersive but the middle feels more like you were just checking a list of events. that or you envisioned the first and the end part as i see that you rebounded in the later but couldn't find the right way to tie them together. if the tie is the problem, don't try to continue. just stop. read what you had written. think about what should come next. what feels right. write it and read again from start to see if they fit. if it is disconnection then wait. write something shorter. listen to a music you like. read what you had written again. see if you can reconnect and continue in a way that is satisfactory. write when you feel ready because when you force it, what comes out is mediocre at best.

i finished it... after a month... and i am going to say some things that may come a bit harsh. is that okay?

uhh... yeah, i see what you mean. the beginning and the first few chapters are great, but then it gets weird. and not good weird. the theme is chaotic so its reasonable at parts, salvageable in others but some scenes and dialogues needs to be redesigned. i am on the chapter 7 right now, haven't read it to the end but those are what i spotted so far.

Hi! I’m a narrative writer looking to join a small indie team, especially for RPG, horror, dark fantasy, character-driven, or story-focused projects.

I can help with:

- character concepts and arcs

- dialogue

- story structure

- emotional tone and character tension

- first-read player impression

I’m especially interested in projects that already have a playable idea, prototype, or clear direction.

Portfolio:

https://little-box-of-madness.bolt.host/character-pack

Open to paid work first, but I’m willing to discuss small rev-share or jam projects if the scope is realistic.

Feel free to reply here or DM me.

Hi! I'm a narrative writer with experience in character writing, dialogue, worldbuilding, and story structure. Your RPG project caught my attention. I'd love to learn more about the project and the team. Before we go further, could you let me know whether this is a paid position, rev-share, or a hobby project?

hi. i can help on turkish translation.

The character setup is very strong here.

I like how the wedding premise immediately creates pressure before the story even begins, and both love interests seem to carry different kinds of hidden tension. Tristan feels controlled and unreadable, while Oscar seems lighter on the surface but not necessarily safer.

That contrast works really well with the manor mystery and gothic tone.

Hi Icy — I saw your post about BLAM! and the Story/Narrative Writer role. The project sounds really interesting, especially the character-focused sci-fi angle and the vertical slice goal.

I’m a game writer focused on character writing, dialogue, and opening moments for indie games. I’d be especially interested in helping with character interactions, intro scenes, and narrative hooks for the first level/world introduction.

Here’s my portfolio: https://little-box-of-madness.bolt.host

Happy to talk more about the scope and see if my writing style fits what you’re building.