I liked the rhythm you had going, the distorted bass and the airy drone in the background, good stuff. The noisy sound you were going for isn't bad at all but I think it could be executed a bit better. I think as someone else said it sounds quite tinny and hissy and it's just a bit too off-putting to my ears. Maybe if you tamed that a bit with some EQ cut it would work better? (again to parrot another comment, it needs less presence I feel). I can definitely imagine how this jarring kind of uncomfortable sound could be used to good effect, just some room for improvement 🙂