Play book
Nature's Betrayal's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Flow & Clarity | #45 | 3.035 | 3.278 |
| Concepts & Originality | #48 | 3.292 | 3.556 |
| Overall | #54 | 3.052 | 3.296 |
| Adherence to Theme | #55 | 2.829 | 3.056 |
Ranked from 18 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
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Comments
Hello, thank you for participating in the Writing Jam #14! Please email customers@onepagerules.com, to claim your participation minis!
There's a really good idea, just a bit tangled up in the action at the beginning. Your dictation of the conflict is fun, but purely to save space you could start the story immediately after Corawen has rebuked the elders and is searching for the answer to her impossible riddle. That would make the brutality of her end more of a surprise, followed by falling action in the form of the trees carrying their payload unknowingly.
Thank you for your feedback. This is my first time doing a writing jam or doing creative writing in general. In retrospect, there are definitely some things I could have done differently to improve the story's structure, but I really love battlefield scenes. Truth be told, the initial conflict was much longer. In my original draft, it comprised half of the first page. The version of the story everyone has read is the trimmed-down version I made to be exactly 1000 words.
It is interesting, but it is rather long for the prompt, as it goes well beyond one page. I do like how the impossibility seems to be their incapability to realize that the infection has gotten so bad it may indeed be unrecoverable.
Thank you for your feedback. Though I am a bit confused, I thought we were limited to "one page" as in both sides of one paper. Just like how the rules for OPR games are "One page", both back and front. Especially since the word count rules were 500 minimum (1 page) and 1000 maximum (2 pages). Did I miss something?
I'm actually not sure. Usually with the proper font size you can fit 1000 words inside one page.
Brutal, loved it. I do agree you maybe could have shorten the intro just a tad as I think a lot of the story carries itself just fine but I did like the action in the opening. Overall great work!
The ending was a really nice touch. Her dying clearly chose the betrayal of the forest. I think you could have make it stay one page by shortening the introduction. It goes into a bit too much details that are not used afterward. Descriptions of the environnement is great. I liked that the infection is spreading without the forest knowing. Makes me wonder what would be the response of her people.
That was really well told!
Man that was a brutal betrayal! Personally, I didn't find the reveal at the ending too rewarding, it didn't add much beyond what we already knew but the body horror was nice and vivid.