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I feel like this entry has a bit of everything, but doesn’t execute it enough to the level where you could confidently say anything is a highlight of the entry. I like the sprites tho, they’re hot hot :v. Oh right and also the 30 pages of folklore at the start, the effort gains you an extra star in presentation <3

Implementation of Theme: The VN starts with a retelling of the folklore between birds and wolves, and that led to the meeting between the main characters here, furthermore it also somewhat influences the thought of Roberto regarding Jacob (but then that was just kinda a one-off thing). Afterward they also discover something related to the folklore, and future plot looks like it will also follow that route. Basically, I’d give 5 stars because the folklore in question shapes culture so much that without it there would be no story, but what was given has the potential to be way more interesting then what it could be right now, especially since that folklore (and by extension, culture) was clearly shown to affect a character’s thought process, but no relevant character conflicts stemmed from it at all (one line about will wolf love bird even works doesn’t count). In this way, the story explores the externality of folklore, but somewhat neglects the equally important character conflicts.

Story: I get the vision, but the plot feels like you’re just jumping from scene to scene. It’s like saying I needed a scene where Roberto starts developing feelings and you added the scene with the first CG solely for that purpose; And when that’s done just threw in a few years timeskip or something. I wanted to point this out because within each scene, the pacing felt like it wanted to rush to its purpose at the expense of everything else. (ie: in the second scene Roberto flew up, and then landed down next sentence and there was no description of what he’s feeling or thinking like why isn’t Jacob moving or whatever; jumping straight to asking via dialogue and I was like, I thought Jacob’s going?? Like they both said goodbye and everything). It’s especially egregious in the first two scenes as the way it was told was blazingly fast (ie: in the first scene there was a mini timeskip from morning to night and then a long time skip right after). Arranging in the story in this way pulls the reader out of the story, as what the story wanted to convey and what was felt was different. In this case, we wanted to see the bond from childhood friends developing into a crush, but personally there wasn’t enough development for me to really get invested into their relationship. Regarding worldbuilding, magic felt like it’s stapled on for the sake of it, especially since we have no idea how that works, what Roberto is even capable of (at one point I just kinda gave up, thinking “well I guess we’re doing that now”). This is prime opportunity to expand on what was not given during the academy timeskip (what Roberto learned, what he felt when they were meeting less and less, etc); but instead a whole potential character arc got skipped in favor of an adventure. Speaking of which, the pacing of the adventure scene felt much better than the rest so I have nothing to say on that except good job (totally not biased by that CG or anything). It does feel like the adventure is what you like to write, so it’s better than the other parts (maybe it’s just me tho).

Presentation: Similarly, it has everything, but doesn’t do anything particularly well. Audio sometimes stayed past its welcome (walking to the tent) and sometimes only happened once in a scene where the audio should’ve been played on repeat (most other sound effects). One thing I would say is that the sprite movement is very charming, but sprite variation is also a big problem. I also wanted to point out that the outfit of the characters does not change a whole lot (and also from that point, that the outfits of different kingdoms are somehow basically the same), I felt like this is an effect of mainstream fantasy, but yeah, even with the same colors there should be a bit of outfit differences imo. Also, why is it birds/wolves and not birds/canines (because there are more species of bird than wolf i think). There were no changes to the main menus, no main menu bgs, and also the credits page is really messy with the un-embedded links. On the topic of backgrounds, some backgrounds (tents, camp) reflects the wrong time of day they are described in; some backgrounds (camp) appeared abruptly. Other than that, the 30 CGs of the folklore is crazy work, so bonus points just for that.

Writing: It’s alright, aside from a few minor stuff like the folklore has a section in present tense for some reason and a few missing periods (I think there was only 1 or 2 tho). There should be a bit more care put into how the characters feel and descriptions of scenes, as sometimes it leaves too much to the imagination (well that’s what backgrounds are for but I digress). Oh and sometimes I’m not sure which line is thoughts and which line is dialogue, especially in the later lines for Roberto.

Creativity: It reads like a standard adventure fantasy, so that’s nothing new, but I do like what the folklore got going for it. It also gives a hint of potential kingdom conflicts, so I’d give points for that. Still, there’s not a lot to say. It’s not anything new or unique, but you don’t need new and unique to write a good story; Besides, you combined the ideas together well enough to be coherent, so good job!

Rating: 5-3-3-3-4

Edit: I forgot the witty P.S line

P.S Jacob can grapple me all he wants cuz I’d fold on sight i’m ngl