This story contains lesbians, therefore, it's better than the rest—for legal reasons I must clarify this is not an objectification towards lesbians, clarified this—I enjoyed a lot this game, it had a great balance between the mundanity of a girl worried by her feelings and the craziness of a bunch of young adults that believe they have the world in their hands.

The inner monologue of Lilah was intriguing and immersive, managing to portray her feelings towards Valentina, so her doubts about continuing this trip across America with her friends in search of the evasive criptids—topic that I’m very a fan of, so that’s a plus—

The story is quite simple, and it does know it very well; it knows what it is about and doesn't try to go further. However, I’d like to see a bit more about their friendship dynamics, especially before all this YouTube extravaganza. It’d be a nice contrast, escalating Lilah’s feeling even further, to the idea of ‘everything was better before’.

I’d like also to see a bit more about her dynamic with Trenton. I know this story is about Lilah and Valentina, but I feel that the story would benefit a lot more from exploring the factor friendship since this whole project started as an idea between friends and would put in retrospect how much that initial idea changed until the starting of the game.

The presentation and art are impeccable, though. I’ll be honest, when I played your last game—and if you’re reading this and you haven’t played it yet, you must do it. It’s not a recommendation, it’s a threat—I wasn’t sure about this art style, it was cute but not my type. However, I’m glad to say that I changed my mind, it’s simple yet expressive. The characters have a lot of personality, and their gestures express their demeanour flawlessly.

This story is one of my personal favourites, and I’m intrigued by what you guys can do next. Keep the good job!

I didn't really vibe with this one. Not a fan of the prose, but the overall story is good. I loved how cold Valentina got towards the end. "It's not like any of their families are alive. It's the old west. People made shit up all the time."

I liked how pathetic the employee looked.

The characters are very round. Soft. It is a pretty soft story, though. The folklore was nice, but I wish they got a better look at the light.

A sweet story, I love the art. The presentation from the UI to the CGs is solid. Maybe a bit predictable but that's not necessarily a bad thing. I like the happy ending and the ending after the credits made me laugh.

I liked that, it was good read, yay for yuri and also, another ghost hunting but one of the characters (or more) actually don't want to do that anymore. Not a bad thing, just a funny coincidence. And I don't have much to say because all worked pretty well, but I'll say some anyway.

For the theme implementation, the plot revolved around the folktales of various places, and even more interesting is that anxiety-induced visions, that was an interesting way to show the creatures and people. I just simply thing it was done well.

The story was ooooh... It hits pretty right. Though at first I was like "Another nervous wreck MC?" and "Why do you like her wth, why did you risk your life for this channel???" But the way it was reasoned out was so good. I could feel the frustration Lilah had with the choices she made, and understand that yep, feelings can just be like that. Maybe signs that Valentina does like her a lot earlier would be neat, but I'll just count them as neat coincidences. Also Trent is now the third wheel pfft. OH YEAH THE INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA, I think it was written good as well.

For the presentation my goodness, a lot of art on this from bgs, to sprites, and cgs as well, and they're all very cute. It does what it needs and me personally, I'm satisfied.

The writing, I guess there was one part with "rubbing my hands for friction" was a bit too long, but I justified that with Lilah being a nerd and need to enlarge sentences essay-style. But overall I don't think I noticed any issues with the writing.

Overall, it was a good read, yippee for wlw. 4, 5, 5, 5, 5.

Really nice story there! The writing is good, the characters are engaging, there are a number of really nice scenes. Several folklore stories are used; I guess they were used pretty straightforwardly?

On the presentation side, those sprites are adorable and expressive. It’s lovely. The blur on the background, including drawn ones, is a bit weird I feel, but not really a problem. The music is used quite well.

Overall, I don’t have much to say. Nothing is exceptional, but it’s all really well done. Great job!

I quite liked this one. The first half is just a chill road trip with some cryptid elements. The second half focuses more on drama and personal issues. Both sides are good, but I prefer the second half; it's quite sweet and relatable. There are also some funny moments. There's not really much to say; it does what it sets out to do, and it's quite enjoyable. Would recommend if you want some lesbian sweetness. Also, Trent is cute.

Let's gooooo girl failures! I had a lot of fun with this entry, it's straightforward and does what it wants. I know that this isn't the most unheard of type of story ever, but I think being both from the viewpoint of a more modern generation, and being women instead, helps give it its own identity. I'm on that weird cusp of millenial and gen z, but much closer to the latter than the former, so it's nice seeing stories that speak more to our specific conditions. 

Honestly it's just a solid game, a really strong first showing and I look forward to what you do next!

To say I am blown away by this would be an enormous understatement. 5 stars all around. Val and Lilah's relationship takes center stage of course, and I love their character arcs and the confession scene at the end. I got really emotional. But all of it is amazing. I like how grounded it is in the experience of being a young adult in the United States. So much of this is painfully relatable even as it's unique to these characters. The uncertainty, the pressure of performance that we all go through, it's so well portrayed here. 

I love that so much of this is framed by the in universe camera. Also love the expectation subversion with the void opening giving way to a bombastic youtube style opening. The artistic presentation really makes this, and the art style is so stylized while at the same time incredibly grounded. I really really really like this.

I also love that it's somewhat ambiguous if the monsters really were just a dream or not. The line between the reality and the fantasy of it is blurred and that's my jam so I adore it. Fucking excellent job. 

Really adorable VN. The story is fun and exciting, with plenty of drama and action to keep the pace going strong. A lot of it is centered around the MC's feelings for Valentina, but given that the characters are complex and yet relatable, it makes for good drama. The story might not be too special, just a cute coming-out story that ends well, but it hits all the right emotional beats for sure. Really, what makes this VN great is the character designs. Particularly Val, she is adorable. The monsters were also pretty creative though, and I got a kick out of seeing them in the dream, even though it ended up being just a dream. As for the ending, it's sweet that they got together in the end, and it's also touching that they did so while crying their eyes out. What I would have liked to see a bit more of was Trent's reaction though. While he did get a nice epilogue scene, it still feels like the story ends a bit earlier than it should have. I'm especially interested in when Val said she was pushing Trent away as well. We never get to see his perspective of that happening. Though, I guess that's the point since it's all about the two girls, and that part was done well. Good VN, and I want to see more.

This is one of those really awkward ones to evaluate where, even though there are going to be a few critiques below, I assure you had a fantastic time with this. It's not exactly the most revolutionary story, but it's heartfelt and fun and there should always be a place for that. 

Without further ado, I'm going to get into the breakdown.

Implementation of Theme:

Well, the intent is fairly clear here with the cast being a trio of ghost hunters investigating instances of folklore for their YouTube channel. However, I have to agree with some of the other commenters below that, while the box is ticked, it feels like the folklore element is there just to tick the box. We never encounter any of the folklore itself outside of Lilah's nightmare(ish) sequence (and maybe the museum if you want to count that), it has no real bearing on the core conflict about coming out to your friends, and as others have said, the YouTube channel could have been about reviewing restaurants or tourist traps or pretty much anything else and nothing would materially change in the narrative. The theme is there, but I think there are other entries that integrated it much more cleanly.

Presentation/Writing:

Conversely, these were the two strongest areas of the VN and I thought they were both really impressive. The sort of bombastically cartoony art style is cute and unique and I love it, and the sprinkling of CGs we get are great as well. The quick cuts to images like Lilah staring at the drooling Valentina in bed and all the monsters gathered in Lilah's dream got a big reaction out of me and really contributed to the story's vibe. The sprites were also vibrant and expressive, and I really appreciated that even the pronghorn museum attendant got a sprite with multiple expressions for all like four lines he had. 

Music was all fitting and well-deployed too, though I did notice that it felt weirdly loud. Even after adjusting the volume on the main menu, I had to go back and turn it down further in the settings. Not a huge deal, but I'm not sure what was going on there either.

While the plot itself may have been a bit basic, I thought the conversational, loose writing style really elevated the VN and made this a breeze to read through. The characters aren't the deepest or most fleshed out, but we still get some great glimpses of personality through their dialogue. Practically no proofreading errors here either, which is always great to see in a jam (though I do feel obligated to point out that "mortified" means "embarrassed" not "scared"). 

Story/Creativity:

So, in the comment section for another May Wolf entry, a commenter pointed out that the "gay panic" trope (e.g., "I like friend, but friend is same gender as me! Oh no, what do I do?")  was getting a bit tired, at least without another hook to supplement it, and yeah, I tend to agree. It's not that those stories can't be extremely personal or emotionally significant, because coming out, especially in certain regions or cultures, is a huge step, and I don't want to diminish that. However, in both that story and this one I couldn't help but think that I'd seen this movie before, so to speak. This one's at least a little different from the typical May Wolf entry because it's about girls (love to see the Ls as much as the Gs, the Bs, and the Ts, but they unfortunately tend to be underrepresented), but the main themes are essentially the same. Ultimately, I feel like pretty much every part of this story feels predictable - the horror-to-non-horror fakeouts, the central conflict, and the resolution to that conflict being that the love interest felt exactly the same all along. Like I said at the top, there's nothing wrong with this, it just feels really familiar at this point.

As much as the writing carries the project, I feel like there are still a few gaps in the characters, like, as others mentioned, what this group was like before the channel so we can see why the leads fell for each other in the first place, especially since, while having flaws in your characters is unequivocally a good thing, the characters did feel very flawed at times (I feel like you shouldn't need to be pushed that hard to delete a video you took of someone without their consent, Valentina. Also they had a pretty... cavalier attitude towards making shit up about historical figures, which feels kinda gross given the current ubiquity of misinformation on the internet). 

I also find it somewhat ironic that, despite Lilah's constant insecurity about becoming a third wheel and finally feeling like she might not be one after embracing Valentina, the story basically makes Trent the third wheel. His personality is the least developed out of the three, he's absent from the climax (understandably), and after the two girls presumably get together he'll be a literal third wheel traveling with a couple if they continue to do the YouTube thing. Obviously you can't cover every character angle, especially in a story this short, but I did feel a bit bad for the guy.

Like I said at the start, please don't be discouraged by the critiques - I really enjoyed this one and think you and passiv_boi are really onto something with your writing and production style. Looking forward to seeing what else you can come up with if you stick with it (and I hope you do! This shit is cute AF).

Final score of 10 perfectly toasted s'mores out of 7 uninstalled copies of Phasmophobia. 

'Trip to Tombstone' is a young adult angsty melodrama about a group of content creators looking for ghosts and the gal pals that come out to each other during it. It's got all the hallmarks of a classic sapphic romance: the deep history of being friends-to-lovers, the deep and quiet painful yearning from our main characters, and even the 'we have to share a bed' moment.  This is all done in the back drop of going ghost hunting on a road trip, which gives a neat lil artistic twist for when the main character is in her lowest state.

The story itself is your classic three event structure, with each act focusing on a different ghost/cryptid that the cast is trying to turn into content for Youtube, featuring Val and Trent as the faces of the channel, and Lilah as the camera/editor for the trio. The first act does a good job of setting up the stakes, of the inner conflict in Lilah as she grapples with confessing her love or potentially losing her friends in the process, and the distance she's creating is only making it worse. What follows as the go from cryptid to ghost, the feelings fester and build up, until the big confrontation and confession, the running away, the self-doubt manifesting itself as the cryptids showing up acting as Lilah's inner demons, and then a heart-felt resolution of 'she actually likes you back, dummy' moment. It's a solid through line, and the inner monologue captures the conflicting emotions that Lilah experiences. I feel like the effect would be stronger if you had given more of an trigger in the rising action portion, something that would give Lilah no other choice but to confess, instead of the overwhelming feelings that have been there the whole time. You could've also really added in the reasons why Lilah pines for Val and vice versa. She seems to complain a lot about her they have a penchant for getting into trouble and seem to avoid giving her attention in her eyes. But, it would be good to balance that out with the reasons why she still has feelings for her. Whether that be physical attraction or just personality compatibility, like she's pushed into an exciting life doing content instead of a boring classroom, or they were both weirdos that liked the same niche subjects.

The presentation is really cute and I love the bubbly art style for the characters. There's quite a bit of fun background and cg art, from the scary silhouettes, the wanted posters, and even the big reveal of the spooky ghost dream, really give a strong impact. The audio direction works for a spooky vibe, and the GUI is changed up so it's not just default. The bit that stood out most to me was the use of the overlay whenever Lilah was filming, with the blinking recording light, that was a really smooth touch that really heightened the experience. The writing prose itself was adequate, didn't have any trouble following the story and felt it was communicated well. As far as a creativity, I think it's a nice angle to approach the story from a content creator's perspective, showing the differences between being on and off the camera, though I feel you could've pushed that element a little bit more. As for the romance, it's nothing that hasn't been seen before, but that doesn't make it any less enjoyable to see it framed a couple of gals in a trailer on a ghost hunting road trip.

For the implementation of the folklore element, it's very apparent that 'turning folklore into content' is a strong angle to approach this from. You easily met the brief of it being based on folklore, highlighting several local folk tales from Arizona and I applaud you for that. Could it have been integrated more into the plot? Yeah, there something there that could be said about turning cultural history into consumable content for Youtube, and maybe that could've added an extra dimension to the romance/conflict between the characters. As a suggestion, maybe expand on how Lilah feels that Val and Trent aren't 'their usual selves' when they're on camera and maybe that relates to the treatment of these ghost stories and maybe leads to some thematic element of Val pretending to be someone that she's not which is what's upsetting Lilah in the first place. What I'm trying to get at, is that there's something there, so don't be afraid to cook a little bit more on your plots and character dynamics. Trent is there, so there's all the ingredients for a messy love triangle misunderstanding scenario.

While I see it's not your first VN, it is your first game jam VN, and I think it's a solid entry. Something that comes with the territory of game jams is scope, time management, and understanding what your own capabilities are. You picked out a premise that you were able to execute well, and even if it is another cheesy love story, that's kinda what this game jam is about, so I'm not mad at it. When you do your next VN, don't try to limit yourself, even for these contemporary slice-of-life settings. Try to find places where you can squeeze a little bit more drama and friction for the characters, so the resolution feels all the more sweeter in the end.

THEME

3/5. The folklore here is present. I loved the discussions with the ghosts and the pursuit of trying to get them in camera. But more than anything, it felt like it was just there to technically fulfill the theme of folklore, rather than genuinely engaging with the spirit of the theme in a meaningful or engaging way. You can quite literally replace the topic of their Youtube videos with something else entirely and it would change almost nothing in the story. The ghosts and the monsters were simply just... there.

Presentation

5/5 I genuinely enjoyed the art assets here. I found them personally charming and entertaining to look at. In fact, I have a crush on Trent.

Story & Writing

4/5 and 4/5. This was a really fun read! However, the overall story doesn't strike me as particularly memorable or striking. While I liked the overall development of Lilah's coming-out romance, it just doesn't feel particularly innovative or fresh, and that for me gets it a star off. The simplicity of the writing style and the plot really converge together to make an easy read, but at the same time also makes the fatal flaw of being easily forgettable. And that for me gets it a star off. 4 stars, however, is a grade that shouldn't be easily scoffed at for me personally.

Creativity

2/5 Sadly, this is the worst point of the visual novel for me. The ideas displayed here, of a story of a woman coming out of the closet to her best friend, feels boring and not particularly novel or interesting to me. I feel like I've seen this a thousand times already. This would have earned a point or two if it implemented the folklore theme creatively, but has only written it as an aside rather than an integral part of the story.

This was a fun ride! The art here is incredibly expressive and fun- with me actively looking forwards to seeing the new sprites and CGs as they came along! They feel so animated and expressive in a way that very few jam games manage to do.  For the story, the growing relationship between the two leads feels compelling to follow, with Lilah's internal monologue making for some very relatable angst.

If I were to lodge one small complaint is that it did feel a tad short - specifically, the characters could benefit from being fleshed out a bit more, mostly with regards to their (slowly crumbling) friendship - it feels as though we have to take Lilah's words for granted that they were friends before it all started, rather than being able to see it ourselves through the characters' actions during the moments where they aren't recording for the channel. 

⭐⭐⭐

The most succinct way I can describe this project is "competent." There's indeed a character arc, said characters display a decent amount of interiority, plus visuals and dialogue are consistent and well made. And yet, I cannot help but be feel left wanting. For all it does right, Trip to Tombstone didn't quite grab me, especially because no bit of idiosyncrasy is pushed far enough to make the game memorable or unique. Furthermore, the inclusion of its supernatural elements came off as extremely tangential to me. In my interpretation, the one scene where the paranormal is truly relevant is meant to convey the MC's mental state through these figures as stand-ins for sources of her anxiety and dread. While the idea is good, I feel the briefness and bluntness of this one scene (and another, blink-and-you'll-miss-it moment) makes for an insufficient exploration of these emotions. Still, like I said at the top, there's nothing truly wrong or bad with this game. I just wish it pushed its singularities further.