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(1 edit) (+1)

Thank you for being much more nicer than AxelKay. I wrote this story-game within an hour, so it is not polished at all. I wished that was understood ;u; it’s not like my usual work due to how fast it was written.

On the word usage, I read so many differing opinions online about how to describe the male parts. In my older work, I used member/shaft/length, but I read that people hate these words, so I settled for vulgarity unfortunately. That particular word (c*ck) seems to be okay with most people, but I will definitely go back to using those other words I used to use.

Also, thank you for the emphasis tips. My older work was more like this, but I let the opinions of others change how I write sex scenes. I will try to write more like my old self!

About the choices, I sadly only had an hour left to submit, so I was unable to make the other mood choices. In its current form it is similar to a kinetic visual novel (linear).

Lastly, about the paid work, the price is temporary because it is in a bundle. I think it was required to have a price to be in a bundle. Once the bundle finishes it will revert back to Name Your Own Price. This is also why I linked to the blog where the bulk of Rin’s important lore exists :3

I’m so sorry this work that I speedran is your first introduction to my stories 😖 in order to not overwhelm myself with struggling to find words, I had to make this as basic as possible while keeping some flowery language. I am also not good at prose English, so poetry is my stronger area to describe things. Poetry allows me to use other ways to describe things, rather than being straightforward like prose.

Thank you so much for finding it interesting despite it not being to your taste! :D

I am so happy you had a pleasant experience reading it!

I understand better now the reasons for the level of your writing. I really appreciate your response; I like it as much as it makes me think. I'd like to add one more thing.

Everything I said is just advice based on my point of view. It's in no way mandatory. If it resonates with you, great; if not, it can simply be disregarded.

It's the same for everyone's advice. If what you're told speaks to you, that's a good thing. If it helps you improve, that's a good thing. However, if it pushes you to change, that's not good. Above all, write the way you want. Everyone has their own style, and there's an audience for everyone to appreciate it. Neither Axel nor I have the right method. No one does. There are far too many factors that vary between two writers and two readers. Just look at the comments. As many people comment as appreciate your writing as it is.

Do what you like, how you like. You'll naturally attract those who admire your brilliance, rather than doing what others want and merely reflecting their aspirations.

I say this with all the best intentions.