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There is a lot in here, and the use of space is just perfect. I can see a dozen ways i can expand and improve this cenario, but i could run it just as it is without any problem. That's aspecial quality of a great adventure. nothing to say but bravo and will play
I feel like this adventure is scratching the surface of a truly compelling and engaging environment. A group of people isolated from society for generations. They engage in ritual for ritual's sake, but some seek a grander truth about their existence. Outsiders are getting in and mucking things up. The powder keg setup means the players are there to light the fuse. I just want to know a little more about almost every aspect. Who are the different faction NPCs? What do things look like? Who blocks the gates? How long have the Rivals been here?
This would benefit from an expansion into a multi-page zine to describe the setting, the people, and culture that developed here. This is good and I want so much more.
This module gives us something seldom seen: a vault that’s not full of corpses and the aftermath of a disaster.
The idea of the zine and the architecture is great. I think it’s too ambitious for the jam format of four pages and needs a lot more text. Example: in the random tables it says there are doubled Warden patrols. I didn’t know there were any.
The premise is a big one and I like it a lot!
A simple but effective setup. I think it has the elements to become a very well-rounded adventure, with the countdown and the factions, but I wish there were more specific details about the different rooms to make exploration rewarding and fun. Without space constraints, it can become a really good adventure.
Was struggling with my thoughts on this one, but then Giant Robot Tackler basically nailed it.
Just doesn't quite live up to the potential I see. Can't wait to see the next draft with a bit more polish.
Very cool concept for a space! I would have loved to see the partiality of it explored a bit more. A point crawl sort of flattens the interesting parts of an inverted pyramidal structure. Other than that though, strong!
I like the theme and the overall mood. This is one of the entries that would definitely benefit from more space, so you could include more descriptions and interactions. But given the constraints of the jam, I think it's well done! I'll be looking forward to a extended version after the jam!
Definitely felt the pressure with the format, appreciate you looking it over!
First impression, it's easy to read! I do like the mechanics (two random encounters??? wow!) to make the adventure not stale, the descriptions of the map feel less...strong? I feel like in a short descriptions, you either have to deliberate on focusing on describing the location (the visuals, vibe) or the people (how they feel) in it. Some paragraphs end the sentences early, you can use that remaining space to put more details! Overall, this was a good entry, the themes are felt! Awesome stuff!
That's a good call on the focus for the map points, thanks!
for me, it's a solid setup that doesn't quite come to life. i think there's a gap between the stated tone and what the text is selling. the big missing piece IMO is the Kept, who feel out of focus and understated despite being the emotional core of the module. what are the locals in each area feeling? how fast is word spreading about the breach? how are they reacting to the bear??? even the apocalypse clock undersells them - the world crumbles and all that brings out is graffiti and whispers!
a few rooms (the Archive and especially the Procession) shine because they show off the deep-rooted melancholy i was looking for - the ritual mourning for a dead world that is itself turned rote and hollow. if that same emotion were injected into the other room descriptions, i think this would really sing!
This is great feedback, thank you! I definitely struggled bringing this scenario and the factions to life in the constrains of the four small pages. Hopefully I can go back and revise post-jam and make it sing!
I enjoyed reading this, atmospheric and strongly thematic!