I love the start of the piece with the sound of a clockwork being wound up - whether that's a clock, the brain implant, or a music box playing the piece. I'm particularly a fan of your use of the piano's tonal and dynamic ranges - you are going for the tear ducts and every note is a critical hit on the heart strings.
The distorted drums took me by surprise and really moved me out of the scene a bit. They also seemed to play in a completely different sound environment from the rest of the track that came before (different reverb settings?). I guess I would have bought into that change as a dramatic choice, but in the same moment you are changing the main melody instrument. So we are rapidly moving from an orchestral ensemble to synth rock - I guess, the tonal jump was a little much for me all at once. I understand how that makes sense with the story, but I think I would have preferred the synth coming in earlier (replacing the violins starting at 1:32 or something) to make the change less jarring.
Overall, I think you should be absolutely proud of your creation. It carries emotion, it tells a story independent from the explanation in the text - really well done and I'm glad I have the opportunity to participate in a jam with you and steal some of your ideas! ;)